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I didn't read very far into your copy. Here are my comments so far...

The page itself looks good (as far as design), but there are punctuation errors, grammatical mistakes, and awkward, "clunky" sentences all over the place. This needs to be fixed.

Any kind of mistake or awkwardness creates a "pause" in your reader, and is an invitation to stop reading. Joe Sugarman talks about the "greased slide". Reading your copy should be easy and effortless. It should flow like a river (or a "greased slide").

Second, your headline is long and awkward, which probably means most of your visitors won't even BEGIN reading the awkward sales copy.

A headline should be "lean & mean". It should say what it needs to say using as few words as possible.

Here are a couple of alternatives to try, just off the top of my head...


[Perhaps a sub-head here to add some more details or credibility.]

Or...


Personally, I'd want to add some unique details about the system to make the headline more intriguing, but I'm sure you get what I'm saying.

Make everything "Lean & Mean".

Aaron

I just scrolled down and noticed you're offering 50 different PLR products as bonuses. That's overkill. You create no perception of value by doing that.

There's not a lot of copy selling your system--that's what you need to focus on. Sell the system... then offer a handful of bonuses, making sure you add value to each one.

Aaron

BTW, I noticed some display problems with images running into text. I'm using Firefox on a Mac.

1. The headline is way too long as already noted
2. Way too many products as already noted
3. I see no PS in your copy
4. If you are going to use images that appeal to people, make sure they are easy to see.

Cheers,
Magic

P.S- Your headline is the most important aspect of your copy, if people overlook that headline, there is a great chance that your copy will not be read either.

I definitely agree with what is already posted...

...headline needs to be reworked (it did not grab my attention)
...way too many bonuses offered (it makes it seem that if you have to give away 50 of them none of them are good enough by themselves)

I also think that the bullets should be reworked. They should grab the reader. Bullets (and the PS, which you don't have) are one of the few things that skimmers read. So, dramatize them. Add emotion to them.

~Sarah Johnson
Sarah Johnson, Copywriter

You have no credibility here - just a belligerent voice.

The only people who would fall for this would be total
newbies - preferably type-in traffic from offline advertising.

Fundamentally you are going after a market of people
who are AFRAID of losing even $50. I'm serious. Don't
mock trainers who make detailed recordings to help them -
it implies that you won't help them. You compare
your product instantly there to products and programs
that offer step-by-step training.

Newbies WANT step-by-step instruction and security.

You are actually going after a tough and crowded market
here - but I'm sure you know that. In order to sell
something of this nature you need to persuade readers
that, apart from not being a complete scam, your
program gives them a superior and easy money-making
advantage. You may have it but it doesn't jump out
at me.