Sales Page Feedback

Looks really nice! I'd say elaborate on all the functions a little more though, but overall, looks really nice

I see the core elements of many of the sales pages that nudged me to spend money.. If I did not know excel well, I'd be interested...

Good luck with your product..

The Graphics take up 80 of the real estate north of the fold. You don't even get around to telling the visitor what you have until you mention it in the paragraph in red way below:

With the Excellic Add-In you get tools that do all this...

That's a mistake. The visitor knows it has something to do with learning excel but what is it? Oh. It's an add on. Okay. Shrink that cartoon down or simply get rid of it and stick an explaniation right up top.

The page is cute. Sometime cute works but for it to work here you're going to need to explain what you've got right away and not make your visitors hunt for it or worse, guess. I'd also like to know what the price is. Good luck.

Hi agc,

I appreciate the light, breezy, even humorous approach. It's original, descriptive and easily readable.

I'd test it as is.

However, if you lack the intended sales, I'd be quick to beef up the call to action and be more serious about it in that section. Maybe a "Let's Get Serious for a Moment..." and then launch a "reasons why" benefit-laden restatement.

Good luck and much success,

- Rick Duris

Hmm... what if I change the headline:

Are you ready to go from Excel Hero to Excel SUPER Hero?

Sigh. This is cornball. The "WARNING" box (originally designed by DaveMiz I believe) has had its day. What does it bring to this? Nothing. Apart from setting the scene for the corny pitch that follows.

The cartoon is straight out of the Fifties. The whole "Super Hero" thing has been done to death.

Then you have a block of ten bullets. Too many.

Then down to the animated arrows - which are past their due date too. Then a free trial thingy followed by...God Almighty! - a zillion ticks cunningly disguised as bullets. I think not.

Followed by some gay line about strutting around your office in tights and cape.

"Nothing to lose but everyting (stet) to gain". Vomit.

But the icing on the Christmas cake has to be this line -

Your legenday (stet) powers with Excel will overshadow even the stories from the Christmas party.

Which is almost as good as the Guarantee - Dude, I'm not On Fire and Totally Jazzed.

The Excel geeks I know that might be interested in this wouldn't go for the humorous approach.

They would also want you to get right to it.

For example, you say:

Hint: Check out ArrayCompare. If you do any auditing or reconciliation work at all, just that one function will save HOURS of your time EVERY WEEK.

I suggest showing them exactly what the ArrayCompare does and how that saves time. Maybe do that with a few other functions or examples.

Testing is everything but why a free trial offer? I would rather sell it straight away at the right price point backed up with an effective sales argument and guarantee.

Your two big graphics are cool but taking up too much space.
Reduce size by 1/2 and move it left so you can put bullets at right
and then ABOVE THE FOLD you can have the first ( of 3 )
"100% Risk Free Trial - Download Free " graphics where they
can see it as soon as they get to the page.

This looks like a really good product to advertise on work-find sites.

I cleaned it up, incorporating many of the suggestions from above. I also wired it up to the product so you can see where it's going.

Now it's time for testing.

Thanks everyone.

I am very reluctant at downloading executable files from unkown sites. I think you need to add a screencast demoing the add-in and cut 50% of the bla bla bla.

I didn't readt it all, but you need to proofread your copy "Short and simple, the Ecellic"

It's lame.

Add-In or Add-On?

The first four lines of your copy are cliches. So, you're repeating stuff I've already read dozens of times in dozens of places, basically encouraging my brain to skim this pitch.

I'm going to be an excel super hero? What does that mean to me, specifically? What do I get out of it?

The warning sticker is super cheesy. The idea of being indispensable at my job and being crowned king of my office and making my boss come crawling hands and knees for the stuff that only I can do has some appeal.

Jealous coworkers are a pain in the ass, and hyper-dependent bosses make you do more work while they lay around.

Are you sharing a controversial or interesting statement? Are you letting me in on some big secret to get me on your side? Why are we "being honest" now? Were we not being honest before?

I see what you were going to but you didn't set it up properly, and "Excel is nice" doesn't grab me as a headline anyway.

Drive us nuts. That's what you've got for me. You want ninety bucks for "drives us nuts". You're supposed to be making some empathy here, be more visual.

There are some things about Excel that make you want to dig your eyeballs out with a rusty spoon.

There are some things about Excel that make you bash your face against the keyboard in frustration - and they seem to pop up every single hour.

But Excel's got massive, time-wasting, enthusiasm destroying problems that get in the way of getting your job done right... or getting it done at all.

Yep. And it's just a dry list. How do these things feel?

You haven't introduced yourself as the narrator. At first I was reading a sales page, and now some jabroni is apologizing to me for the fact that he can't write well. Immersion broken.

And when I think "super powers" I think being elevated and free, doing things I never imagined. You're taking that metaphor and telling me to imagine being my B.O.S.S's bitch at lightspeed!

Weak. Don't remind them that they're downloading a free trial software to become a better flunkie. Tell them it's going to make them the Big Man in the office. And do it quickly, for the most part they just want to know what the software does.

Don't call your sales pitch corny or talk about value propositions. You're supposed to be turning that part of the brain OFF not ON.

This paragraph is the first thing I've read that's actually good. Put this further up.

First of all, you haven't roped me enough to do the personal story yet. Second, once you started the story it wasn't detailed/good enough to make me buy into it. Third, who is writing this? You broke the fourth wall to talk about how your sales pitch sucked (twice), and now I'm reading about a "we", and now I'm reading about "one special developer".

Pick a narrator and stay with it.

Okay, this stuff is fine.

Cool of you to tell me what we're talking about halfway down the page.

ugggggh no for so many reasons

just

no. please don't do that.

Overall, you're good when you're just talking real world examples of what the software does, but that Internet Product Marketing cheese you're putting on top is rancid. Get a guy to help you with it or don't do it at all.

A lot of people are going to look at that page and click off right away.

The superhero graphic looks exactly like 'pint-sized' British comedian Ronnie Corbett.
Google him, you will see what I mean :-)

I personally think the image you have at the top of your sales page brings the overall quality down. As suggested, I would get rid of the image and put some product info there.

I'm thinking about trying an editorial page in a news paper theme with a strictly business tone.