Final sales page adjustements

by yasser
8 replies
Some help with final sales page adjustements

www.pageonerankingsin30days.com
#adjustements #final #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    Hi Yasser,

    Nice to see you took the criticism and have come back with a better page.

    You're still not there yet though, so here's a few more thoughts for you:

    Your header's serving no purpose as it's just repeating the headline claim.

    Where your headline says "without X, Z and Y" you were supposed to replace the letters with three things your target market doesn't want to do (eg, article writing).

    Move your strongest proof up to just below the headline. Let the reader know straightaway that you can walk the walk.

    The bracketed line after the headline seems a little out of place.

    Your graphical text, including your headline looks a bit blurry. If you're trying to keep image size down, try switching to the PNG file format. And the box around the headline needs to go.

    And as I said before, I'd still like to know more about your actual report.

    The testimonials aren't clear and I think you want to completely scrap the first one. (And have they given you permission to use them and in some cases their picture?)
    Signature

    Andrew Gould

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    • Hi Yasser,

      Yes it is brave to post your promo - and your second version is better.

      Andrew knows his stuff so do take his advice.

      What did strike me was the layout - it's shouting and screaming.

      Could you space it out - separate the smaller bullets and add more benefits. Same with your bigger bullets and the "tear sheet" - again add more benefits - and use a friendlier font on these - making it easier to read.

      There is empathy there - but could you write and organize it so it's cool, calm and collected.

      You can do all this and still make it very powerful.

      It'll help make sure your readers concentrate and "get" what you're saying.

      Hope this helps.

      Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author timsoulo
    oh bro! you're wasting a huuge piece of your "above the fold estate" with your picture
    make the text flow around the picture!
    Signature

    I work @ Ahrefs
    I blog @ BloggerJet

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  • Profile picture of the author yasser
    Originally Posted by iThinkhard View Post

    How come your page is not ranked on google for the keywords "page one ranking" ?
    do you usually promote your sales page to page one. This is quite strange:confused:
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    • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
      Banned
      Originally Posted by iThinkhard View Post

      How come your page is not ranked on google for the keywords "page one ranking" ?
      Originally Posted by iThinkhard View Post

      I can't find you even with "page one ranking in 30 days"!! have you read your own book? :p
      Left your reading comprehension at the door have we?

      Yasser is asking for sales copy advice NOT seo advice.


      Mark Andrews
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  • Profile picture of the author businesscopywriter
    Banned
    [DELETED]
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    • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
      Banned
      Originally Posted by businesscopywriter View Post

      Don't let the haters get you down...

      Best of luck,
      J
      Anonymous J

      How about justifying your comment
      highlighted above?

      Here we have one or two experienced
      copywriters offering their advice completely
      free of charge and you refer to them as
      'haters'.

      What gives?

      What makes you come out with such an
      inaccurate, off the wall, wild statement?


      Mark Andrews
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    Hi Yasser,

    Nice to see you've kept plugging away at it, and this is definitely another step in the right direction.

    The header looks more professional but it's taking up too much of the screen, it's too generic (it almost seems like a collection of IM elements randomly thrown together), and you want to optimize the file size.

    Your headline's a lot better, the two red sections are a little distracting though, and I'd consider splitting into two distinct sections ("Computer dunce..." and "Ranked on...")

    Stick with your headline font for your deck copy ("It took me...") and as there's no proof above the fold, tell them to read on and you'll prove it to them.

    The subhead starting "So what is this report all about?" needs to go. Replace it with something shorter and simpler, think along the lines "Let a satisfied customer tell you all about it...". But keep in mind that the subheads, by themselves, should give your basic sales message to scanners.

    Make it clear who your product description's from, credit them at the beginning or end.

    Your "buy now" button needs to be a lot bolder.

    The close needs reworking, "You've got nothing to lose..." wants to go below the certificate and it needs expanding on. An easy method is a simple crossroads variation, here's the outline: "You can keep doing what you've been doing and getting what you've been getting... Or you can shortcut your way to success with...". (Make it specific to the problems you solve and the benefits you offer).
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    Andrew Gould

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