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Newbie needs help..please help

by gaptel
7 replies
Hi Warriors,

Can you please look over my sales letter and give me your thoughts?


Here is the site:
101TipsForImmigrantParents dot com
Tips For Immigrant Parents

I really appreciate any help as I want this site to convert really well

Best regards,
Soji
#conversion #helpplease #newbie #newbie coaching #sales copy needed #sales letter writing
  • Profile picture of the author Bigsofty
    You're asking for the sale and then sometime later introducing the actual sales copy.

    You're over-qualifying the prospects in your "is this you?" bit

    Your headlines are in graphics and text repeatedly - it's annoying. Plus your headline sucks a bit anyway.

    What's with the 101 tips? That's a made-up number of no value, sell me the top tips, over 100 of them.

    Hope that helps



    B.
    Signature

    This man is living his dream. Are you...?
    www.copywriter-ac.com

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    • Profile picture of the author gaptel
      Thanks for your critique, i really appreciate it. Concerning the headline, this is what I have ... what would anyone suggestÉ

      Do You Know That If You Do Not Act NOW You May Be Culturally Losing Your English Speaking Immigrant or Foreign Born Kids In A Hurry ?
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  • Profile picture of the author RobRamos
    I agree try not to repeat content. allow the message to flow effortlessly and try to trim it down a bit. Remember you have 3 seconds to grab their attention 15 seconds to keep their attention and 30 seconds to a minute before they get bored. This is only my opinion. With anything take what's useful for you

    good luck friend
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  • Profile picture of the author gaptel
    AnarchyAds,

    I quite appreciate your input on this. I will work on the input. God bless you. Great to have another Canadian here. I am new bie here

    Soji
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  • Profile picture of the author Aira Bongco
    Hmm...

    quite wordy, I scanned to the bottom when I first saw it. It also lacks color to grab enough attention. And I think the title of the book is a bit long. Just to point that out.
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    • Profile picture of the author gaptel
      airabongco,
      Thanks a lot for your input.
      Soji
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  • Profile picture of the author JamesEcho1
    Banned
    [DELETED]
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    • Profile picture of the author gaptel
      JamesEcho1,
      Thanks a lot for your input.
      Soji
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