Why didn't this ad pull well ?

10 replies
This one really dissappointed me with it's lackluster response...every time it ran. Would a new headline improve response? Or is it the copy?

I thought I had a real winner
#pull
  • Profile picture of the author iThinkhard
    “The only way you can lose out is by not calling..."
    No one wants to lose; try to be more positive and emphasis the word win instead of lose.
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  • Profile picture of the author NickN
    Firstly, the headline is a snoozer.

    I realize you're doing the ol' Ogilvy, make-your-ad-look-like-an-article technique. But newspaper articles have to capture the reader's attention, too.

    Second, your body copy focuses too much on you and your business. When you write your body copy, always write with the PROSPECT in mind.

    Readers will figure out in about five seconds that they're reading an ad, anyway. You can go with the news reporter style, but you still need to couch your benefits into your copy and tell the reader what's in it for them.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
    Headline isn't interesting...and unfortunately your two testimonial quotes are transposed numbers ($785 and $758). It just seems weird.

    I would have lead with the "They saved me $785 and gave me more coverage," doctored up a bit.

    "Great for our community" doesn't do anything, either.

    The graph is ugly. Those dotted lines look like paths of cars that almost crashed. The circle with the label for the flat line of the fixed rate doesn't intuitively read as a label--it looks more like it's describing something captured between the two dotted lines.

    Then there's some contradiction in the copy. As long as you keep your same vehicle, drivers, address, dog and lucky rabbit's foot, you keep the same rate. But next we hear how extremely flexible the offer is.

    Four columns looks too busy and I would reduce it to two or three.
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  • Profile picture of the author agc
    "Are you sick of insurance companies sucking you in with low rates only to bleed you year after year with increased premiums?"

    Then hammer away on the sick feeling everyone gets when dealing with insurance salesmen, and how you take away that sick feeling and make them feel good about their car insurance.

    Or for an editorial style...

    "Local drivers are sick of insurance company rate shenanigans."
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Dan...its boring - in the headline, copy and graphics. Bite the bullet - throw Subtle and The Copy Nazi at it.

    But I'll give you a clue - you have a much better headline buried in the copy - a variation of this -
    It’s an amazingly good deal: as long as you keep the same car, the same drivers and the same address, your premium stays the same for as long as you want, even if the company raises its rates or you have a claim.
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    I think the hook is weak. So the rate won't go up. Hmmm... I don't have a guarantee for that and my rates haven't gone up in five years. I'm not an insurance specialist but the first thing I thought seeing that is, so what.

    Is this really something to crow about? Well, it didn't impress me and I'd say that when it comes to insurance, I'm probably a pretty typical customer.
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    • Profile picture of the author Dan Williams
      Mal, Subtle has some kickass stuff he's doing for me right now. I was just hoping to turn some of this wasted $$ into a little gold...guess it's just a dream

      And...many of the edits were a result of sending this to the insurer so they could approve it. I'm certain "approve" is code for castrate
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      • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
        Originally Posted by Dan Williams View Post

        And...many of the edits were a result of sending this to the insurer so they could approve it. I'm certain "approve" is code for castrate
        Ugh. Never mind...

        Corporate Compliance Dept: Where good ideas and copy go to die a slow, lingering death by a thousand cuts.
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        • Profile picture of the author MontelloMarketing
          Back when i wrote tv, it was the same with scripts having to go to "network." The saying was "Network... where good jokes go to die."

          Originally Posted by BrianMcLeod View Post

          Ugh. Never mind...

          Corporate Compliance Dept: Where good ideas and copy go to die a slow, lingering death by a thousand cuts.
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    I have a few thoughts.

    I need to know that if I get in an accident (my fault or theirs) that I'm gonna be paid (and treated right) by my auto insurance company - and I want to pay as little as possible for that peace of mind.

    If your hook is "locking in their rate" for the life of their car, you need to LEAD with that.

    Locals Rave About Bradford Auto-Coverage Specialist's
    Controversial "Lifetime Rate Lockdown"


    Find an enemy for the controversy - somebody who doesn't like this idea. (maybe those 15 minute online insurance "wizard" websites to whom you're not even a human, just data in some web application. You're local. You KNOW your clients by name and by family)

    Why? What are they secretly plotting that is thwarted by this special deal.

    (they trap customers into deals that don't last, policies renew with big jumps in rates? I don't know any of this, just typing out loud)

    Punch up the testimonials into real-world examples of money saved on insurance and used elsewhere - in this wobbly economy "every dollar counts".

    Just talked about this in another thread about the Obama social media strategy for materializing the $40 per paycheck workers will lose if the payroll tax-cut ends.

    Put a johnson box around the call to action section. Maybe do a solid heading on it and knock out the type to make it pop.

    Drive hard to an action they can do IMMEDIATELY upon encountering it (call a toll-free number, send a email/text, go to an easy to remember redirect domain, etc).

    Anyway, just a few random synapses for ya.

    Best of luck with it.

    Brian
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