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Copy for a Postcard - Review please!

by Chris Ramsey
11 replies
Hey Warriors,

So I'm putting together a postcard to send out to local businesses and I want the copy torn apart!

I used the basis of copy from one of the Cash Cow threads and changed it up a little to fit on a post card. It still feels like a bit too much though. Mind taking a look and helping me trim the fat?

Here it is.
If the promise of moving your business online isn't panning out how you had planned and you're the type of person who wants to reduce their marketing budget while bringing in new customers, read on...

Dear Fellow Business Owner,

My name is Chris Ramsey and I specialize in turning lackluster websites into money making cash cows.

Whether your website was created in-house or outsourced to a local vendor for some obscene amount - I'm willing to bet that you were expecting BETTER RESULTS.

Look, I deal with customers every day who are SICK AND TIRED of stressing about their website not creating revenue and are looking for a better way.

Well, I'm the BETTER WAY.

By fine tuning what you already have, we can transform your website from a money sucker to a money printer.

Your website looks great - and no, I'm not trying to sell you some massive remodeling job - but there are a few things that can be added and optimized to start making you some real money and increase your customer retention.

If I could show you how to turn your website into a powerful marketing weapon, like it should be, would you be willing to sit down with me for 15 minutes?

Here's what I want you to do:

Call me at XXX-XXX-XXXX and let me know when we can meet. You can also e-mail me at Chris@AndersonSCMarketing.com

Yours in business,
Chris Ramsey
Index of /
Thanks so much!
#copy #postcard #review
  • Profile picture of the author procopywriter
    In my experience, the typical business owner is very wary and skeptical. He's seen it all... and if you want him to believe your claims you'll need more than just promises. He wants to see PROOF.

    In fact, he wants to see proof before he even CONSIDERS meeting with you. He doesn't have time for another sales pitch.

    So in a very real sense, you've got the make the sale before you ask for his time.

    I'd recommend writing up a report of the "Top 10 Ways To Turn Your Website Into A Cash-Generating Machine" or something of the sort. And offer that upfront as a powerful positioning and lead generation strategy.

    In your report, you'll share some case studies and experiences you've had with doing this (if you have them). If you don't have case studies or testimonials yet, then just share your knowledge and tell other people's stories. Point out websites that are working and why, etc.

    For business owners you'll want to tone down anything that sounds like hype. For example, "cash cow" in this context is a bit too strong. Tone it down just a bit to something like, "I transform under-performing websites into money-making marketing assets."

    Also... your headline is a bit long and awkward. Make it lean & mean. If you give a report, you could have a headline like this...

    "FREE SPECIAL REPORT: 10 Ways To Turn Your Underperforming Website Into A Cash Generating Machine"

    Or something of the sort.

    I never lead with a self-introduction. Every business letter starts that way and it's boring. Lead with a benefit or a promise or a story. Don't lead with your name. No one cares about you... they care about what you can do for them.

    Good luck!
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    Joshua Aaron Stanley, The 'Spiritual' Copywriter:
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  • Profile picture of the author Chris Ramsey
    Thanks Joshua,

    You made a lot of excellent points there.

    I'll rework it all and see what I can come up with!
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  • Profile picture of the author bobmcalister
    like that approach a lot ....btw , your link isnt working
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    free facebook ad trials . proof before payment

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    • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
      Nope.

      Wrong approach. Nobody will call you. You've put the
      fear in them that if they do you'll sell them something
      they don't really need.

      Postcards work best as part of a 2-step lead generation
      process. Send the postcards announcing your free
      report "7 Shocking Ways Your Business Is Losing Money!"

      "Call the 24 pre-recorded message line to get more information
      and request your free report.

      CALL NOW! 1-888-xxx-xxxx"

      Newsy copy works good.

      Don't assume business owners surf the web or will go
      to your website. Unless you want only web-savvy
      people go with the voicemail. That way you can sell
      a website to a business that doesn't even have one.

      Wouldn't that be grand?

      People don't want to talk to you. Make sure they know
      there is a message line they can call at any hour and
      not speak to anyone. You'll get calls at 3 am when the
      guy is up worrying about his business. He won't make the
      call at all if he thinks you'll trap him into a selling conversation.
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      • Profile picture of the author Chris Ramsey
        Originally Posted by bobmcalister View Post

        like that approach a lot ....btw , your link isnt working
        I know. I haven't put anything on the site yet. Still working on that piece.

        Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye View Post

        Nope.

        Wrong approach. Nobody will call you. You've put the
        fear in them that if they do you'll sell them something
        they don't really need.

        Postcards work best as part of a 2-step lead generation
        process. Send the postcards announcing your free
        report "7 Shocking Ways Your Business Is Losing Money!"

        "Call the 24 pre-recorded message line to get more information
        and request your free report.

        CALL NOW! 1-888-xxx-xxxx"

        Newsy copy works good.

        Don't assume business owners surf the web or will go
        to your website. Unless you want only web-savvy
        people go with the voicemail. That way you can sell
        a website to a business that doesn't even have one.

        Wouldn't that be grand?

        People don't want to talk to you. Make sure they know
        there is a message line they can call at any hour and
        not speak to anyone. You'll get calls at 3 am when the
        guy is up worrying about his business. He won't make the
        call at all if he thinks you'll trap him into a selling conversation.
        Hmm... I like this idea a lot. Cuts a LOT out of what I would need to say to get the call. Make a few promises and give them the number. No need to focus on the negative w/ this approach.

        I'll see what I can find that'll allow for longer pre-recorded messages.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mike Antoni
    Hey Chris,

    For one of our postcard campaigns we use a company
    called Black And White / Brainwave Communication for
    phone number service (to play a pre-recorded message).

    I think they charge $25-$50 per month.

    Here's their link:

    www.bwcomm.com

    1-619-308-3636

    I think they only do a local number in their
    area though, so that may hurt your conversions.

    I just figured I give you one option that might
    help you or someone else looking for a service.

    Mike Antoni
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    Check out my Affiliate Internet Marketing Blog, lots of cool free stuff. And make sure you take a peek at Trilateral Profits. Internet Marketing Management

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  • Profile picture of the author Bigsofty
    If you want a full-blown voice menu system with 24/7 voicemail, with an American number and a control panel so you can check your messages online as well as by phone:

    www.callingsources.com

    You only pay once for setup then it's your number to keep, just $50.

    Does all the "For sales enquiries press 1, to make a booking press 2..." stuff. Doesn't cost you anything when they call and you get an email if they leave a message.

    I have it on my own site, though just for voicemail without the menu thing. I think you can have pretty much unlimited sales messages, up to an hour each.

    You can advertise a phone number; don't even need a website. Ideal for classifieds or postcards and yes people do call. After a recent press release I got a call about appearing on a TV show - but I don't live in America



    B.
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    This man is living his dream. Are you...?
    www.copywriter-ac.com

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  • Profile picture of the author wave3
    Many good suggestions...
    Signature
    *Start with Very Little ~ Spend Just 1 min a Day ~ Create Massive Bacon!~ OnePennyBillionaire.biz
    Finally -EVERYONE Gets Paid Every Single Day! ~ Watch the VIDEO.
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    • Profile picture of the author Palo Coyote
      headline: More Customers in a Down Economy.
      Photo here
      250-300 word real life true story.
      subhead: A True Story.
      copy:
      Bob Ramsey owns a store much like yours. His business was hit hard last year. Bob does some advertising and has a website, much like you. The problem was that his website wasn't bringing in the results he needed. When we first sat down I gave him my free, 1 page list of website guidelines. These guide lines are only how your website can get more customers. He asked me to work on his website. After we "optimized" his site, his first month Bob was able to track that 11 people had visited his store. The next month it was up to 57, and last month it was 143. That's about twice the number he gets from his advertising. And the additional customers more than paid my fee. I'd like to give you a copy of my website guidelines. Please call me so we can talk: 800 555-1212.


      This is obviously just a "sample." We did a 4 postcard program like this for a dentist and he made $45 k.

      Good luck.
      Signature

      No sig today.

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      • Profile picture of the author RaynayValles
        Originally Posted by Palo Coyote View Post

        headline: More Customers in a Down Economy.
        Photo here
        250-300 word real life true story.
        subhead: A True Story.
        copy:
        Bob Ramsey owns a store much like yours. His business was hit hard last year. Bob does some advertising and has a website, much like you. The problem was that his website wasn't bringing in the results he needed. When we first sat down I gave him my free, 1 page list of website guidelines. These guide lines are only how your website can get more customers. He asked me to work on his website. After we "optimized" his site, his first month Bob was able to track that 11 people had visited his store. The next month it was up to 57, and last month it was 143. That's about twice the number he gets from his advertising. And the additional customers more than paid my fee. I'd like to give you a copy of my website guidelines. Please call me so we can talk: 800 555-1212.


        This is obviously just a "sample." We did a 4 postcard program like this for a dentist and he made $45 k.

        Good luck.
        Wow. That's compelling. How could any business owner NOT read that?
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