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Please Critique My Site

by HallOfWords
12 replies
I would really like some opinions on my site. I built it myself and wrote all the copy. Take off the kid gloves and tell me what you think. I want to know what I need to juice up and what I need to get rid of or add.

City Lights Marketing
#critique #site
  • Profile picture of the author Orion777
    Grammar error in first sentence of second paragraph.

    your headlines and picture were alright BUT

    The copy was sort of bland. You did not convince a reader why they should use your services. What makes you better than someone else? Have others increased sales using your services? Your copy had a ho-hum attitude, i.e. "here I am if you want to use my services".
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  • Profile picture of the author Kyle Tully
    Originally Posted by HallOfWords View Post

    Take off the kid gloves and tell me what you think.
    OK...

    Layout/design/graphics/colors are horrible.

    You're marketing copywriting services... with 3 paragraphs of poor     copy (e.g. "For your success the words written must be the most convincing words you can use" -- are they the most convincing words you've got?)... and expect me to fill in a form with ALL my details?

    No rapport. No problem. No promise. No proof.

    You've got a long way to go.
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    • Profile picture of the author Aira Bongco
      Hi Randy,

      You have a poor sales copy there. You have to focus more on the customer and what they can get out of your service. Imagine their needs and situation and define your points from there.

      Also, paragraphs are supposed to be short and straight to the point. You seem to say the same thing over and over again.

      I hope I contributed on how you can improve.

      Best of luck,

      Aira
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    As already noted, very weak copy. In this prhase "...A trained, professional copywriters..." the word copywriters should be singular, 'copywriter.'

    In light of all the weak copy on the site the last sentence is so unbelievable it's silly: "With the right words you'll be able to put your feet up, set the site on autopilot and rake in the cash."

    I also see that you're giving away free ebooks without an opt-in box to capture email addys. Why even bother offering a gift without capturing a subscriber?

    Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author Craig Fenton
    Hi Hallofwords:

    Hope the weekend is going well. Thanks for letting me look at the website.

    One thing you may want to see how it looks when you go into the control panel and also take note of what others tell you is the photo of large sums of cash is on almost every site these days you visit selling a product.

    Is there some photo that can make your page stand out without showing the massive amount of bills? Have you noticed the numerous sites that always have the same 100,000 vehicles displayed? This way something that sets you apart.

    Good luck and may success be around the corner!
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    • Profile picture of the author HallOfWords
      Thank you all for your comments. The info has been quite useful.
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  • Profile picture of the author J. Barry Mandel
    Yowsers!

    1) The header needs to go.
    2) You need to write copy that will convince people to optin.
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  • Profile picture of the author Bruce NewMedia
    Randy - As a fledgling copywriter you must have GOOD COPY to make a good first impression. So, all the copy needs to be completely re-written. It's just not up to any professional standard.
    (and it's hardly more than what would be on a squeeze page!)

    Which brings up a bigger problem: If you are going to hold yourself out to the marketplace as a "COPYWRITER", you should already have achieved this minimal proficiency level.

    My suggestion would be to study professional copywriter's work BEFORE seeking jobs from clients. There's a ton of material out there, much of which is not very expensive at all. Sites like thegaryhalbertletter.com are free, for instance.

    I'd agree with the others that the graphics/colors etc just do not work for this at all. You may want to focus on just one skill, writing OR graphics and sub contract out the other.
    _____
    Bruce
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    • Profile picture of the author jficarro
      Hi,
      The layout, specifically the margins, the colors and the header graphics are not professional. More importantly, to promote copy writing services with grammatical errors and poor copy is not going to work very well.
      Not trying to discourage you - but it needs a lot of work. I also strongly agree with the other poster who commented on the graphics of the piles of cash and even the pompous "rich guy" sitting with his feet up. That stuff won't likely appeal to more experienced website owners who have seen this in so many sales pitches.

      James
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  • Profile picture of the author theaffiliatemom
    It looks busy, and it's obviously a landing page / affiliate site. I don't like my landing pages to look like landing pages. Mansions and cars have been done. I find visitors are immediately turned off by sites that look like this.
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  • Profile picture of the author jficarro
    You have made some serious improvements since I first looked at the site. It looks a lot better. I only had the time to skim the writing and it appears to be better also. I would definitely make the "satisfaction guaranteed" jpg smaller. I would try to get the affiliate ads on the left to go no lower than the bottom of the main page too.
    If I have a chance, I'll look at it more closely when it's not 1:17 in the morning. But it does look way better than that horrible site you first showed us.
    James
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    • Profile picture of the author HallOfWords
      Thank you all for your criticism of my awful site. I knew it was terrible and I appreciate the guidance you have provided. I have changed it a lot and put a lot of thought into those changes, but I'm still not sure that it is all that good. Any more comments will be greatly appreciated.
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