41 replies
I've dished it out and now it's my turn. Clickbank launch coming the end of January. This product sold more than 1000 copies as a WSO. Unlike the WSO page, this copy is long, though I think good. I'm guessing some would suggest a video. I'm thinking that over.

Tell me what's working and what sucks. Thanks in advance.

Dark Persuasion Techniques The Psychology Of Manipulation
#rip
  • Profile picture of the author Zero
    Maybe i'm missing something here but, if it sold over a 1000 - then the copy you used must be pretty good - so why wouldn't you keep using that one?
    Are you split testing this longer one vs the shorter one?
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    • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
      Originally Posted by Zero View Post

      Maybe i'm missing something here but, if it sold over a 1000 - then the copy you used must be pretty good - so why wouldn't you keep using that one?
      Are you split testing this longer one vs the shorter one?
      WSO copy and copy for the "outside" market is two entirely different animals.
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  • Profile picture of the author David Franklin
    Nicely done. I want it. Couple of things I noticed that though minor, could make it an easier read which is always the goal. The font used in the headline and sub/bullets at the beginning is hard to focus on due to the Embossing. That makes it hard to read.

    This is a powerful sub but could be larger and bolder so that it jumps in your face a bit more.
    Discover How To Neutralize The Hidden Tactics of Manipulation, Coercion and Intimidation That Unscrupulous People Use Against You To Steal Your Money, Energy, Your Life...

    Also there are some strangle little ? throughout.
    You�ve got the strong feeling something just isn�t right� And you�ve

    Great all in all though. Good use of proof elements. Sounds like an excellent product.

    Continued success to you,
    David
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    • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
      Originally Posted by David Franklin View Post

      Nicely done. I want it. Couple of things I noticed that though minor, could make it an easier read which is always the goal. The font used in the headline and sub/bullets at the beginning is hard to focus on due to the Embossing. That makes it hard to read.

      This is a powerful sub but could be larger and bolder so that it jumps in your face a bit more.
      Discover How To Neutralize The Hidden Tactics of Manipulation, Coercion and Intimidation That Unscrupulous People Use Against You To Steal Your Money, Energy, Your Life...

      Also there are some strangle little ? throughout.
      You�ve got the strong feeling something just isn�t right� And you�ve

      Great all in all though. Good use of proof elements. Sounds like an excellent product.

      Continued success to you,
      David
      Hey, I appreciate your comments. Wondering what browser you're using. I've tested this in IE8, Google Chrome and Firefox and don't see the � you're talking about. I'm wondering if anyone else is getting this?

      Also, I think you're right about the sub header. Thanks so much.
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      • Profile picture of the author David Franklin
        Using Firefox and I just clicked the link and am still seeing them. I'm just a techno challenged copywriter so I have no idea what they are or why I would be seeing them.
        The Headline looks better but you may want to consider doing the same to the first set of bullets.

        Here's a thought that I'll probably get some flack for.
        Lead with a testimonial.

        I just read through Dark Persuasion - The Psychology Of Manipulation.

        Well written, intelligent, insightful and entertaining, this book draws you in and really makes you think.

        The case studies and examples expose often hidden manipulative sub-agendas that others will be using to control your behavior. With the information here you will easily spot the game-players and avoid their traps (if you want to)!

        On the dark side of the coin, this book would also serve as a blueprint for someone who wanted to be better at manipulation.
        Good work.... Instant classic.

        Paleochora


        Followed by;
        Discover How To Neutralize The Hidden Tactics of Manipulation, Coercion and Intimidation That Unscrupulous People Use Against You To Steal Your Money, Energy, Your Life...

        Just an idea.
        David
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        • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
          Originally Posted by David Franklin View Post

          Using Firefox and I just clicked the link and am still seeing them. I'm just a techno challenged copywriter so I have no idea what they are or why I would be seeing them.
          The Headline looks better but you may want to consider doing the same to the first set of bullets.

          Here's a thought that I'll probably get some flack for.
          Lead with a testimonial.

          I just read through Dark Persuasion - The Psychology Of Manipulation.

          Well written, intelligent, insightful and entertaining, this book draws you in and really makes you think.
          The case studies and examples expose often hidden manipulative sub-agendas that others will be using to control your behavior. With the information here you will easily spot the game-players and avoid their traps (if you want to)!

          On the dark side of the coin, this book would also serve as a blueprint for someone who wanted to be better at manipulation.
          Good work.... Instant classic.

          Paleochora

          Followed by;
          Discover How To Neutralize The Hidden Tactics of Manipulation, Coercion and Intimidation That Unscrupulous People Use Against You To Steal Your Money, Energy, Your Life...

          Just an idea.
          David
          Yeah, I've gotten a lot of excellent feedback. I'm going to shuffle the testimonials around. I hadn't noticed that. As for those demonic symbols, I don't know either.

          Andrew said I need to check the code and define the character set. I wish I knew what that means. I use WYSIWYG and only have a vague idea about HTML. Thanks for you input.
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        • Profile picture of the author Hugh Thyer
          Bingo Bruce, my thoughts exactly.

          How many people are aware they even have this problem? It's very hard to sell a problem if you have to convince people they have it first.

          Most people think they're immune to this stuff. It's only the other person who gets taken for a ride.

          Have you considered flipping it into a positive product where you teach people these techniques for getting whatever they want in life. Persuasion tactics are hot right now.

          The added benefit is while you teach people how to exploit these techniques they will also lean how to avoid being exploited themselves.

          Of course, the market will always be your ultimate test.
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    Hey Charles,

    Just a few quick thoughts as I'm exhausted:

    I'm not liking the graphic headline at all, it looks blurry and seems to blend into the background rather than stand out.

    And when I read it, the word "run" caused me to stumble as I assumed you meant "ruin". I had to go back over it to verify that "run" works as well.

    Then I'm thinking which "human parasites"? You only specify sales people, I'd make it clearer exactly who and what you're going to help the reader defend against. And I'd do it straight after your headline. Also, if not in your deck then in your body copy, I'd give specific, concrete examples of where these manipulation techniques have been used against the public.

    The bold first letter on every single paragraph is distracting me rather than pulling me in.

    Your first few testimonials interrupt the flow of the copy and make it clear I'm reading an ad.

    The subheads need to stand out more, when I scanned through I didn't even notice them.

    And the rest of the design looks a few years out of date, try a slightly bigger font and increase the margins a bit.

    Like the headline, the guarantee certificate looks blurry, if you're having trouble keeping image size down, switch to PNGs.

    Hope that helps.
    Signature

    Andrew Gould

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    • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
      Originally Posted by Andrew Gould View Post

      Hey Charles,

      Just a few quick thoughts as I'm exhausted:

      I'm not liking the graphic headline at all, it looks blurry and seems to blend into the background rather than stand out.

      And when I read it, the word "run" caused me to stumble as I assumed you meant "ruin". I had to go back over it to verify that "run" works as well.

      Then I'm thinking which "human parasites"? You only specify sales people, I'd make it clearer exactly who and what you're going to help the reader defend against. And I'd do it straight after your headline. Also, if not in your deck then in your body copy, I'd give specific, concrete examples of where these manipulation techniques have been used against the public.

      The bold first letter on every single paragraph is distracting me rather than pulling me in.

      Your first few testimonials interrupt the flow of the copy and make it clear I'm reading an ad.

      The subheads need to stand out more, when I scanned through I didn't even notice them.

      And the rest of the design looks a few years out of date, try a slightly bigger font and increase the margins a bit.

      Like the headline, the guarantee certificate looks blurry, if you're having trouble keeping image size down, switch to PNGs.

      Hope that helps.
      Two negative comments on the graphic header. Hmmm... It looks really good in the three browsers I've tested. But if it's not clear I'll change it back to HTML text.

      It's funny about that headline. I found it word for word in some swipe collection. I guess it comes down to Run your live versus Ruin your life.

      I agree with you on the sales reference up top.

      If the bold first letter is distracting, it's gone.

      I realize the overall design is a bit dated. I really like those old sinister images though.

      I agree the testimonals get in the way of the flow. I really don't like a bunch of them stacked but in this case I'll move them.

      And the guarantee text is a bit blurry. I'll definitely fix it.

      Are you seeing these little buggers too? �

      Thank's so much for your input Andrew. Much appreciated.
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      • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
        Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

        Two negative comments on the graphic header. Hmmm... It looks really good in the three browsers I've tested. But if it's not clear I'll change it back to HTML text.
        I've checked it on both my 17" 1600x900 laptop screen running Firefox, and my 27" 2560x1440 iMac screen also running Firefox, it doesn't look great on either.

        Are you seeing these little buggers too? �
        Nope. But you might want to double check your HTML, I've had that happen when I've not defined the character set.
        Signature

        Andrew Gould

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  • Profile picture of the author adammaxum
    my personal opinion..

    - i think the header looks good.
    - "how to defend yourself.." yeah, for some reason it blurs when I look at it, although I'm not sure if it's blurry or not. I think it may be the shadowing or something.
    - overall page is too long for my style
    - too much little text, and not enough emphasis on the selling points

    overall, it's not bad. nice work!
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  • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
    I also want it, and I don't have any of those negative self-talk lines running through my head. That's how good it is.

    My initial impression was "scary." The images seem out of a horror film (particularly the marionette box cover at the top) and are truly psychologically disturbing. Horror--really scary stuff, not slasher film--is my favorite genre, and this page still bothers me.

    I agree about the shadowing creating some kind of a moire affect.

    Thanks for a great example of how copy should be and affect its audience.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mr. Subtle
      You really don't need any fancy embossing (or inner shadow), white outline and shadow on your headline. KIS dude!...



      Using the same "embossing" technique on your deck copy (subheads) should be avoided.

      Same applies to a bold CAP at the beginning of every paragraph.
      Signature

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      • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
        Originally Posted by Mr. Subtle View Post

        You really don't need any fancy embossing (or inner shadow), white outline and shadow on your headline. KIS dude!...



        Using the same "embossing" technique on your deck copy (subheads) should be avoided.

        Same applies to a bold CAP at the beginning of every paragraph.
        Yep. I'm the first one to tell people don't get cute and lookie here. LOL. Got the changes made just waiting for a bit more feedback before I upload. Thanks.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Charles, I like you and your comments on this forum a lot. But I don't like this. None of it. I think it a turkey. Its confusing. What is the hook exactly? Something about "human parasites" wanting to manipulate me? Pass.

    There's way too much stuff happening above the fold. At first glance the graphic looks like it might be the cover of a Porno flick. "Your unfair advantage"? To what? "Dark persuasion techniques" - and what will they do for me? Too nebulous by half. You need to grab me by the cojones and force me to read on. This isn't doing it.

    Pre-head is so-so. The headline is limp. "Human parasites" - first thing I thought of was nits or fleas or something.

    The three starred bullet points that follow - don't grab me either.

    At this point I lose interest.

    The layout is very dated. There are WAY too many bullets. And the real turn-off? The Warrior Forum testimonials from the "usual suspects" - on a Clickbank offer. Which tells me straight away that this used to be a WSO.

    I'm sorry to be a negative-Nellie, Charles but I predict this will tank as a Clickbank launch.

    Oh yeah - the "Bonuses" just scream "I don't really think this worth the $37 I'm offering it for so I hope this will swing the deal".

    Hope this doesn't ruin your day. But really...I think the whole thing needs a re-think. Starting from the top. Get rid of all that stuff I talked about and just go for the the throat. Get yourself a killer headline and go from there. Something simple like -

    "Know what? From the day you were born the game is rigged. But there is a way to play them before they play you...
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    • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
      Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi View Post

      Charles, I like you and your comments on this forum a lot. But I don't like this. None of it. I think it a turkey. Its confusing. What is the hook exactly? Something about "human parasites" wanting to manipulate me? Pass.

      There's way too much stuff happening above the fold. At first glance the graphic looks like it might be the cover of a Porno flick. "Your unfair advantage"? To what? "Dark persuasion techniques" - and what will they do for me? Too nebulous by half. You need to grab me by the cojones and force me to read on. This isn't doing it.

      Pre-head is so-so. The headline is limp. "Human parasites" - first thing I thought of was nits or fleas or something.

      The three starred bullet points that follow - don't grab me either.

      At this point I lose interest.

      The layout is very dated. There are WAY too many bullets. And the real turn-off? The Warrior Forum testimonials from the "usual suspects" - on a Clickbank offer. Which tells me straight away that this used to be a WSO.

      I'm sorry to be a negative-Nellie, Charles but I predict this will tank as a Clickbank launch.

      Oh yeah - the "Bonuses" just scream "I don't really think this worth the $37 I'm offering it for so I hope this will swing the deal".

      Hope this doesn't ruin your day. But really...I think the whole thing needs a re-think. Starting from the top. Get rid of all that stuff I talked about and just go for the the throat. Get yourself a killer headline and go from there. Something simple like -

      "Know what? From the day you were born the game is rigged. But there is a way to play them before they play you...
      Appreciate it Mal. The feedback from "regular" folk, not in the writing business has been good so far. The WSO copy was distilled from what I've posted here, though it was much shorter. People loved it. It took WSO of the day over a sh*tload of MMO products back in Aug.

      The usual suspects liked it and outside this crazy little universe I think the reviews will fly. Hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I've gotten four PMs from people who want to promote it. Sometimes stuff works even though it doesn't fit the mold. That's been the case with this project from jump. And if it really bombs, I can always go back and rewrite it. Thanks for the comments.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mr. Subtle
      Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi View Post

      The headline is limp. "Human parasites" - first thing I thought of was nits or fleas or something.

      ...

      But really...I think the whole thing needs a re-think. Starting from the top. Get rid of all that stuff I talked about and just go for the the throat. Get yourself a killer headline and go from there. Something simple like...
      I agree. It needs something with a little more POP.

      Almost 15 years ago Sam Horn wrote a "KILLER" book title which made her a media sensation. Actually it was the first two words of the book title that has branded her to this day:

      Tongue Fu!
      : How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict


      (Do you really need to read a sales pitch about this book or are you opening up your wallet right now, pulling out your credit card and begging to be dinged $11?)

      I bought her POP!: Create the Perfect Pitch, Title, and Tagline for Anything book last year and it was the best $11 I spent.
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      • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
        Originally Posted by Mr. Subtle View Post

        I bought her POP!: Create the Perfect Pitch, Title, and Tagline for Anything book last year and it was the best $11 I spent.
        Agree. I bought that book years ago, recommended by John Hostler. Fantastic book with step by step techniques.
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      • Profile picture of the author Mr. Subtle
        Originally Posted by Mr. Subtle View Post

        Tongue Fu!: How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict
        Off the top of my head and "swiping" from the above...


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        • Hi Charles,

          We all know you - so we trust you.

          But... the clickbank crowd might not.

          So, could you really pump up "your story" on the piece.

          Give the ultimate answers to "who are you and why should we listen to you?"

          Give some killer examples - a few incredible situations that you handled using the techniques.

          Give even more fascinating details about how you learned this stuff.

          Really make "your story" absolutely mind blowing.

          I'm sure it'll help bump up the response.


          Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author Zero
    I agree with the comments on the graphic headline. It doesn't look right. The color isn't right either imo, along with the sub-headline/bullets w.e that is.

    You can't go wrong with a nice red colour like the one on the banner you've used that says 'Dark Persuasion Tactics'
    Its easier on the eye.
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  • Profile picture of the author maximus242
    I disagree on the part about the bullets, there are plenty of control ads still running that use nothing but bullets. Sometimes ive looked at them stunned at how many damn bullets they can put in without losing reader interest.

    But many good ads still rely on bullets in the deck copy to sell. Good examples of this are many controls and former controls by Bencivenga and Makepeace where they would flip techniques.

    At one point they do bullet points as in

    *
    *
    *

    Next they do the ... bullet... bullet... bullet... into strings of paragraphs.

    Then they switch over to standard pargraphs with bullets as sentences along with breaks inbetween giving some selling point or answering some objection.

    Also many Double Your Dating pieces are almost entirely bullets, testimonials and an intro doing the old problem solution type phase. Not for the ebooks but for the larger courses they are still using this massive line of bullets.

    Furthermore many boardroom ads and nightingale conant ads online are primarily selling the products on the strength of the bullets, testimonials, and the relationship with the company.

    I dont think theres anything wrong with a lot of bullets, it just has to be done properly, and in an interesting way, that doesn't bore the reader, or exhaust them. Halberts ads and most of the former boardroom controls used to consist of a headline, introduction, bullets, and a close.
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  • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
    Its not doing anything for me. I've never awakened in the middle of the night, slapped my forehead and said, "My God! How can I defend myself against human parasites running my life."

    It's not a benefit that will sell except to the paranoid. Unless I don't understand your market, you're way off the mark.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ross Bowring
      Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding View Post

      Its not doing anything for me. I've never awakened in the middle of the night, slapped my forehead and said, "My God! How can I defend myself against human parasites running my life."
      Good line.

      I think you need a sharper hook like Mal said... and also much more about how the reader can turn the game to their advanatage. I see a lot of talk about being controlled and manipulated... not enough of the sexy part... which is how they can get their revenge.

      I know you do hit those points, but not hard enough.

      They are a player in an elaborate and decietful con game... and they are going to turn the tables, enjoy their life and give the big "FU" just like Jim Carrey in The Truman Show.


      --- Ross
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      • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
        Originally Posted by Ross Bowring View Post

        Good line.

        I think you need a sharper hook like Mal said... and also much more about how the reader can turn the game to their advanatage. I see a lot of talk about being controlled and manipulated... not enough of the sexy part... which is how they can get their revenge.

        I know you do hit those points, but not hard enough.

        They are a player in an elaborate and decietful con game... and they are going to turn the tables, enjoy their life and give the big "FU" just like Jim Carrey in The Truman Show.

        YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

        --- Ross
        Appreciate your comments Ross. I'm sorta thinking the bullets make the case. I got a lot of feedback from the WSO. Most people said the bullets were what sold them. Though I think I can actually beef up some of the body copy. Thanks again.
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    • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
      Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding View Post

      Its not doing anything for me. I've never awakened in the middle of the night, slapped my forehead and said, "My God! How can I defend myself against human parasites running my life."

      It's not a benefit that will sell except to the paranoid. Unless I don't understand your market, you're way off the mark.
      Ya know, I never really liked this headline much. But I found it in a collection of swipes. According to the folklore around it, it convered like crazy. I think the product was a book that had something to do with the Red scare.

      I certainly ain't married to this headline. In fact I have several I liked better when I started this thing. Putting my thinking cap on.
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  • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
    The deal is, you're talking about "dark persuasion techniques". I don't want to protect myself from dark persuasion, I want to practice it. Entiendes?
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    • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
      Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding View Post

      The deal is, you're talking about "dark persuasion techniques". I don't want to protect myself from dark persuasion, I want to practice it. Entiendes?
      Yeah, I don't want to market it that way. If I wrote the copy to appeal to manipulators I'd feel like a schumk. Though I believe a thinking person could figure this out. Too bad there's a shortage of thinking people, huh?
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      • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
        Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

        Yeah, I don't want to market it that way. If I wrote the copy to appeal to manipulators I'd feel like a schumk. Though I believe a thinking person could figure this out. Too bad there's a shortage of thinking people, huh?
        Do you want to sell it or not? You won't feel like a schmuck with coin in your pocket. Besides, all sales is manipulation and YOU chose the subject matter

        As for thinking people, a sales letter has to do 99% of the thinking for them.
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        • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
          Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding View Post

          Do you want to sell it or not? You won't feel like a schmuck with coin in your pocket. Besides, all sales is manipulation and YOU chose the subject matter

          As for thinking people, a sales letter has to do 99% of the thinking for them.
          This thing was converting at 2% in much rougher shape than it's in now and I don't mean the WSO. It would be very easy to write this up applealing to people's base instincts. I do want to sell it but I won't go there to do it.
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          • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
            Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

            This thing was converting at 2% in much rougher shape than it's in now and I don't mean the WSO. It would be very easy to write this up applealing to people's base instincts. I do want to sell it but I won't go there to do it.
            You just confuse me. As I said, you're selling the "manipulation" product yet you don't want to sell the benefits.

            Before I go on, I should say that I don't think there's anything morally wrong with your product. Just like a gun, it can be used for good or evil.

            That said, you sound like a gun dealer ashamed to sell guns.

            As for the 2% conversions, I'm curious what kind of traffic that was because frankly, I find that claim stunning.
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            • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
              Hi Charles,

              When I de-focus my eyes and scroll through your website, I see several pentagrams, Free Mason and Illuminati symbols.

              Is that intentional?

              - Rick Duris
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            • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
              Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding View Post

              You just confuse me. As I said, you're selling the "manipulation" product yet you don't want to sell the benefits.

              Before I go on, I should say that I don't think there's anything morally wrong with your product. Just like a gun, it can be used for good or evil.

              That said, you sound like a gun dealer ashamed to sell guns.

              As for the 2% conversions, I'm curious what kind of traffic that was because frankly, I find that claim stunning.
              First, it's being marketed as an anti-manipulation product.

              But you seem to be saying I should promote this in a way that people use it to manipulate others. I should make a case for people to buy this product so they can exploit others? Is this your point? I just want to be sure.

              As for the gun dealer analogy, that would be like a gun dealer saying people should buy and use guns to commit crimes or to threaten people.

              As for the conversions, a two month Adsense campaign and three mailiings to self help lists. And it was slightly more than 2%.
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              • Profile picture of the author Hugh Thyer
                I say this seriously. You make it sound so seedy.

                Fact is, persuasion can be, and usually is used for good. Managers use the skills to persuade employees. Any time something is sold persuasion is used. As copywriters we all use persuasion. We all sell ourselves to our partners, to get our children to do as they're told, to negotiate prices and so on.

                So no, I don't think persuasion is evil, but can be used for evil purposes. What I'm suggesting is sell the benefits. At the end of the day it's your product and you have the figures to back it up. But if you changed it around so you could have TWO products, you can sell the most profitable and bump the value with the other as a bonus.
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                • Profile picture of the author Summertime Dress
                  I think if you change "Human Parasites" to "Narcissists" you could really grab a HUGE niche market...especially women (so I think the cover works). Also, I agree with "Ruin".

                  The header copy is confusing to me.

                  Something more like, "Finally Gain the Advantage Over the Narcissist's Dark Persuasion Techniques... and Beat Him at His Own Game of Psychological Manipulation and Intimidation"

                  Personally, I don't care about the doom and gloom of the media, religious organizations, and so on...that part would turn me off and I might say this is not for me...same for words like "Navy" and "Entrepreneur".

                  People who deal with Narcissists feel crazy...and most of the time are stuck in a cycle of trying to figure out why the Narcissist behaves the way he/she does.

                  More use of psychological buzzwords like "personality disorder" vs. "sacred cow" which doesn't make sense to me either.

                  I think appeal to this crowd with an "us vs. them" -- with them being the manipulators close to home FIRST -- with the added benefit of recognizing "unsafe" people out in society second.

                  Granted I haven't read your product so perhaps this is way off what you're selling.
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              • Profile picture of the author maximus242
                Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

                First, it's being marketed as an anti-manipulation product.

                But you seem to be saying I should promote this in a way that people use it to manipulate others. I should make a case for people to buy this product so they can exploit others? Is this your point? I just want to be sure.

                As for the gun dealer analogy, that would be like a gun dealer saying people should buy and use guns to commit crimes or to threaten people.

                As for the conversions, a two month Adsense campaign and three mailiings to self help lists. And it was slightly more than 2%.
                A good example of this might be Joe Sugarmans Psychological Triggers which taught people how to sell more products using psychological click,whirr type triggers.

                There was nothing really unethical about it, just tips on how to make more sales using psychology. Great book btw.So you can either take the approach of how to win friends and influence people, or how to avoid being influenced.

                I think a split test is in order
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                • Profile picture of the author wilmath
                  Like Rick, I didn't see the relevance of the illustrations.
                  What if you replaced those with photos of Bernard Madoff and the executives of Enron being escorted, in handcuffs, to jail?
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  • Profile picture of the author Alex Ceskavich
    Irony...

    This entire thread is irony...

    - Alex
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Thanks goes out to all who responded. I learned a lot from this exercise. Working on making some suggested changes now.

    I liked Mal's headline suggestion and will probably use it or some variation of it.

    Oh, one other interesting thing. I posted this yesterday at around 8:30 Pacific time. By 6:00 pm I had two sales. This thread had just over 250 views at that time. I also have a CB launch notice on the JV board but that only had 12 views.

    Since visitors to this or the JV board are not looking to buy stuff I find two sales particularly encouraging. Like I said yesterday, sometimes things work even if they don't fit the mold. Thanks again to all.
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    Hi Charles,

    Once the dust has settled and you're pretty much done making changes, let me know and I'll take a crack at editing it and camping it up.

    I think you've received excellent advice overall. People have been very generous with their ideas. It's nice to see.

    Feel free to PM me when you're ready.

    - Rick Duris
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