First Attempt - Critics Welcome

It's excellent. If you wrote this yourself you can make money writing copy. I was pissed when I found out the buy button didn't work. Nice job.

The only thing I'd do is cut the opening paragraph into two pieces.

wow thanks for the kind words, and the bit of advice. You're right about splitting that paragraph in 2.

Yeah, I've toyed with the idea of a guarantee. It won't be hard to implement one. I'm just thinking what I want it to be.

As far as price, I'd have to do research into previous WSO's or anything online regarding ebay stuff. I mean...if you could PM me with the numbers you have in mind that would be awesome because right now I could only guess.

Also, do you think it's better to show the price before they click buy? I tend to lean towards thinking it's better if they click on it, see the price, and decide if they still want it.

Okay, a couple of things. Don't discount what other folks are saying. I'm biased. Even though I'm no longer an eBay seller I still very much consider myself your target market. I'm likely to be far more forgiving than someone who isn't. The graphic placement didn't put me off because you did a good job getting my attention up top.

This says a lot for knowing and writing your offer to your tried and true customers. I haven't seen many how-to eBay products as WSOs in a while but that doesn't mean they won't sell. You just have to present the offer right. Your thread title will go a long way in getting people to open the thread.

If anyone is even remotely interested in eBay and the price is right they're likely to give you a shot. If you actually deliver the goods you shouldn't get many refunds but it's pretty much a given that if you don't offer a refund on a WSO you're offer will suck wind.

As for the price, I like to see the price in the offer. I can't remember ever seeing a WSO without a price. I didn't read the whole page and don't recall how long the report is. More is often perceived as better. But you don't want a lot of fluff in their either. You most often see the price left out when it's high.

Oh, I don't discount anything. I'm open to all comments, and simply respond with my own opinion.

As for the WSO, I was actually going to turn this into an actual website. So all questions were geared towards a website, more than a WSO. I would take most of the content, package it nicely, and turn it into a WSO. Price would of course be shown on the WSO page.

As far as your WSO comments regarding refunds...yikes...so I grant them access to all the information, and then they issue a refund. That's worrisome.

I would also like to see the price in the offer. Seeing a concrete price (or even a range of prices) adds a sense of credibility to your pitch.

Speaking of prices, I would personally put a space in between the amount for "$10thousand dollars" at the beginning. I'm not sure if this was an intentional choice, but this little detail distracted me as a reader, because I was trying to comprehend the value of '$10thousand'. Seeing $10 thousand also seems to lack the impact of seeing a few more zeroes after the monetary amount, in my opinion.

On a side note, I also like how green it is, but not overbearingly so. It puts me into a mindset that's ready to discuss money!

For the website I'm still debating on adding a price. I might place it somewhere near the bottom instead of interrupting the flow at the top. For the WSO however, there will definitely be a price listed, and it will be a discount of the overall website price.

I noticed that 10thousand as well, and you're right, the zeros add more impact.

Thanks for your helpful advice Darion!

Wow!

The only thing I'd be concerned about is what happens if your source of supply dries up.

As for layout, message, graphics...everything worked for me.

kaniganj - source is a reputable wholesale company that specializes exclusively on this one product. I've made many $1K+ orders, and have had minimal issues over time. They also have a great support team. Thanks for the thumbs up on design.

OK, so first... why would you even sell this report in the first place? If you're making $3k a month ($10k a summer), adding a scadload of new sellers on ebay is only going to destroy the margin in the product as they inevitably end up competing on price.

So you basically have to make more selling the report than you would have made selling the product on ebay had you just kept selling the product yourself.

Basic arithmetic + common sense tells me that EITHER you didn't really make $10k, OR ELSE the cat's already out of the bag on the product and now that the market is getting saturated you want to squeeze the goose one last time by selling the report to the horde of hard luck Harry's about to lose their shirts while riding (or more accurately driving) the margin to zero.

This is great work, adammaxum. Yes, the copy is excellent. I like the way you have used graphics to complement the copy. Appropriate use of graphics sure does help people connect to your message. And I think you have done it quite well here. Good luck!

I know I'm only a newbie, but I'm also your target market: someone who suspects that there are huge opportunities on eBay, but hasn't found the right product yet. So I thought it might be worth sharing my objections which weren't answered in the copy:

- Are you still selling this item? Most of the copy is in the past tense, but then you say 'I am still making money'. If you're not selling it now, I'd want to know why (maybe you're travelling so can't do the fulfillment anymore)

- I know it's irrational, but as a buyer I would be dubious about why you were 'letting the cat out of the bag'

- You say that there's a guarantee, but you don't really clarify what it means. Can I get a refund or not? If not (because it's an info product and I can't 'un-learn' it once I've read it), I'd want that spelled out.

- I'd definitely want to see the price

- I think it'd be more impactful if all instances of 'ten thousand' were changed to '$10,000'

As I say, I'm in no position to critique copy, but those were my thoughts as a prospective buyer.

First, let me say that I don't sell this item on ebay currently. Why? 2 reasons.

I simply didn't continue buying stock. I ran through cycles, and at the end of last year, I decided I didn't want to "reload". I sold everything I had, and wanted to focus on other things instead, like robocod pointed out, such as travelling. I visited my parents for the holidays, spent a few weeks down south, etc.etc.

With that said, I can pick back up right where I left off at anytime, which I may do if I'm not busy with other projects this summer. I'm not strapped for money, so the ebay business was supplemental income for me. How someone decides to use ebay is up to them I suppose. I know many people today who make a living through ebay so it's really up to each person how far they go with it.

As far as releasing the cat out of the bag...there are people selling this item. There is no product in existence on ebay that has no competition. Just because people are selling the same thing, it doesn't mean you won't make any money. Like travelinguy said, ebay is huge. People all over the world were buying from me. I also don't expect people to follow through, even with detailed step by step guidance. If 100 more people tried selling this product on ebay, it would have minimal effect on the market as a whole.

Anyone can name a product. What my 'guide' will do is tell you where to find it, and how to sell it effectively. It's basically a short cut with all the tips and tricks that worked wonderfully for me.

Daniel - Thanks!

Robocod - Thanks for your input. I'll have to go back through the text, and make the changes you pointed out.

- I'm going to add a price when I have everything ready
- I'm 'probably' going to provide a refund policy of 30 days. Even though, yeah, once you have the material you could request a refund for the heck of it. I'd hope people were more friendly about that though since the price will most likely be relatively low for what I'm providing.

Thanks again! All thoughts are appreciated.

Fair enough. I suspect answering some of those questions would help me make the buying decision... but I also suspect the vast majority of you potential customers don't care, don't think that way, or would see the added info as a negative or give them hesitations they wouldn't otherwise have... so you probably shouldn't put the info in your sales page.

While I might buy the "100 people may buy this for every one that actually implements it" argument, I do still disagree with "100 sellers wouldn't change the market".

I find that there are very few markets where more than a dozen sellers can coexist without it turning into a price war. Most people in general are either too lazy or lack the creativity to differentiate themselves on any other dimension.

Great sales page, I agree to split up the opening paragraph.

Hi,
I went through your website and felt it was nice and sincere, but when I reached the FAQ part I felt that there are some improvements you could do.

(What type of product is it?
I can't give the exact product away just yet, but I will tell you that it's a physical item. You can't sell services over eBay. It's small, easy to package, and doesn't take up a lot of room.)<< Instead of saying that you can't give it away just yet and stating that it's a physical item, maybe you could rope in readers by highlighting the product's positive points. Saying it's small and easy to package is a good start, but maybe, try continuing with: i.e. "How would you like to sell something that has a XYZ% chance of being sold? Something that is a necessity and consumers can't go a day without?".

(How much money upfront will I need?)<< Stating a ballpark figure will build more trust in potential buyers.

Other than that, I think your website design is very easy on the eyes. I love how it's very simple yet attractive. I find your website short and straight to the point which is a good thing because most of the time, when I read other websites, I find them too drawn out and I get bored before finishing it.

I hope my comments help and all the best =)

Since you're asking for critique I'll just point out the immediate thing I noticed...

Due to the layout being so wide, the text being so large, it looked like too much work to read it. I read the first part but then my eyes were not guided down the page. There are no borders to keep me contained in the content.. so I found myself scrolling halfway down losing interest being unable to maintain focus..

I think if this had a border of some kind I wouldnt feel like I was reading an extra wide book that my eyes had to really work hard to read.