So I know nothing about copywriting...

You've got to make your "big promise" bigger.

As someone who does a staggering 30 press ups and 30 crunches per day... (Yes ladies... 30! And No... I'm already taken!) I was looking for whether I could do this sat down at the computer because that would be kinda cool.

When you say you can be 5 feet from your computer I'm thinking, am I sitting on my chair or just flat on my back doing crunches right next to my computer?

And, of course, can I do this in Starbucks without looking like any more of a tool than I do already?

Getting a six-pack while sitting down would be simple, quick and easy.

Exercising like normal, just in close proximity to my laptop... not so attractive.

So which is it? And if you can do it sat down then make a big deal about it. And put that big promise in your headline and reinforce it all the way down the copy.

--- Ross

Okay, the problem here is you have ZERO believability.

I read your offer...

...And I'm still looking for the offer.

This comes across as rushed and you aren't conveying ANY amount of expertise.

For instance, I could give you 10 metabolism-burning exercises for FREE - AND offer a spectacular bonus about the very same subject.

1) Perform body weight only exercises - interval training style (e.g. pick four exercises and do as many reps as you can in 30 seconds.)

2) Execute muscle confusion. You have to work different muscles every day to maximize activating your metabolism.

3) Do your workouts earlier in the morning so you body is burning fat and building lean muscle throughout the day.

4) Work the larger muscles groups more than the small ones. For instance, performing jump squats will reveal cut abs as much, if not more than stomach exercises.

5) You have to stretch and elongate the muscles you just used to prevent your body's natural protective mechanism to shorten around exhausted muscle tissue. For example, if you work the quads, you need to stretch the psoas (your main hip flexor) to prevent contraction and the manifestation of low back pain. INJURIES SLOW DOWN YOUR METABOLISM!

6) Drink 16oz of water immediately after your 15-20 interval workout and continue to do so every hour for remainder of the day.

7) It takes more calories to burn fat. Don't starve yourself. Otherwise your body STORES FAT as another protective mechanism. Remember, a calorie is just potential energy. The more energy you give your body after an exhausting workout, the harder your metabolism works to burn fat and build lean muscle. Of course, it goes without saying that nutrition HUGE. There's a right way and a wrong way to intake calories!

8) Take every 4th day off - or do restorative-style yoga to allow your body to recuperate. After all, a healthy metabolism CAN put stress on your immune function, especially if you're prone to a lethargic lymphatic system.

9) Take an Epson Salt bath every night to pull out toxins and waste. The skin is the largest assimilative and eliminative organ in the body. The cleaner you keep your body, the faster your metabolism can function.

10) Lay off booze and coffee. They thicken your blood, make your heart work harder and sabotage metabolism-boosting techniques enormously.

"Now, none of these tips mean anything unless you follow my program to a tee and get the most out of your metabolism's potential to metamorphosis your body in JUST 30 days.

And of course, I'll give me comprehensive metabolism worksheet as a THANK YOU for investing in the Houdini 6 Pack Method! I want to make sure and give you ALL the information you NEED to change your body in dramatic ways... almost magically!"

Mark

Thanks guys for your input... It really is appreciated.

And mark... you can view my thread however you like. I AM a bit ambitious... over eager and yes... I did rush it. But I've always been better at learning from my mistakes. One method I adapted from a fitness boot camp mentor of mine was something he said to me when I first started training.. "Get the damn thing started then improve as you go along. If you over think it before hand you'll run yourself in the ground." It was my first attempt at launching ANYTHING... so I went for it.

I'm glad all your time is spend analyzing dates and investigating. I've just never been much on the Sherlock Holmes approach.

So it is what it is... and I'll take the two USEFUL comments that were provided to me on this thread and use it to improve my next attempt.

Thanks again guys... I don't take criticism for granted. I'll definitely use these tips in future ventures.