Please critique my writing
This is sort of a hypothetical sales page. Like I said I've been working on my writing. Another thing, I am copying this on to wf from a notepad, so I know there are alot of typos, look passed those.
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So you want to gain mass, I'm going to show you how to do it. FAST! So pay attention. The Following story is the complete truth.
When I first started building mass I Weighed a mere 140 pounds! I had dreams of being in the navy. And at my height that was skinny. The navy wasn't going to let me in. Thus my quest to gain some pounds began...
My goal was to be 180lbs. Everyday I pushed myself in the gym. But got nothing out of it.
Things didn't start to change until I did less. A lot less.
One of my favorite sayings is, "work smart and not hard."
You see I'm an ectomorph. Which is a fancy way of saying that I have to work my ass off to gain a single pound.
That was the disadvantage. But ectomorphs have a distinct privelage.
As you read on your'e beginning to see why this is so important.
The advantage is we skinny guys can sit around if we want and we don't gain weight. And since being lazy is my strong suit, I began gaining weight the lazy way.
Week after week I started to pick up weight. A pound here, a pound there.
Then the time came for me to go to meps. And My tiny frame didn't have anywhere near 180lbs on it.
It came time to weigh in, my palms dripping with sweat. The Petty Officer slid the meter a few times. And stopped. My eyes shut tight, because of my fear of looking at the scale.
Then he said," You're good." I glance at the scale. My eyes almost pop out of my head. You'd never guess how much I'd gained...
But first why I'm sharing my secrets with you?
There's Nothing to Hide
I'm going to explain to you how I gained my mass. But first I want to be upfront. I plan on making $17 by helping you. Why am I telling you this? I'm not some greasy salesman hiding behind a monitor. Nor am I some guy trying to hide a catch in the fine print. I'm truly going to give you the mass you always wanted. And $17 is a small price to pay for it.
As long as you stick with my system I garruantee that I can beef you up.. No this isn't the fad of yesteryear. Yes you can really gain muscle. Lean muscle.
Get Yo Weight Up!
Who can use the system?
If you are a high school student trying to pack on some pounds for sports, this is for you.
If you works a 9 to 5 and you want to gain weight in your spare time, you can do it with this system.
If you always dreamed of gaining weight but struggled to put on any weight this will work for you.
You see alot of people don't have a problem gaining weight. Really they have a problem eating the amount of food it takes to gain the weight. Most don't even know hom many calories it takes to gain.
A pound of muscle equals 3,500 calories. When most diets are based off of 2000 calories you can see why. But you need at bare minimum 3,500 calories to gain muscle.
I'll teach you about all the most important foods to eat in order to get these calories easily.
Also how to get these foods cheaply.
But even more troubling is how to feed your muscle the right food to have the energy it needs. You see Aerobis and NonAerobic exercises both are really good with burning calories but they use a different pathway for the energy. Knowthing the difference can help you set up an effective mass building workout.
Another important fact is that how intense your workout is can make or break your foals of building mass. I go further into this in the book. Including how intense you should go according to your body type.
Leverage -the most important tool for building a mass gaining workout.
The defintion is "Positional advantage; power to act effectively." The bigger the lever the less effort you have to put into something to get out more results.
There are a many of ways to build leverage to gain more mass quicker but here are a few ones you probably already know.
Knowing the workouts that build mass. Many people try to gain but waste time in the gym by doing the wrong workouts. I'll teach you the right ones. Plus a few secrets that the Giants of body building use.
Another key point is knowing when to go pulley, machine or free weight. And knowing why. Nature favors the workouts that you find out in the wild. Resistance against gravity. Free weights. Picture what strong men did in the past. Flipping over heavy rocks, climbing and so on.
But believe it or not there are times when you should go pulley or machine and I'll show you when. This will cut months off the time it will take to get lean mass.
The final verdict what I weighed at meps
Here are some pictures of me before and after
(I would place pictures here)
My final weight was 172lbs. I've gained 32 pounds in matter of a few weeks! Now I know that my goal was to gain 40 but I was happy to get into the military anyway.
heres what past customers are saying:
( )
BUY NOW!
If you buy now I'll throw in a free copy of my workout journal. It contains all of the tricks I used to gain my own weight. This is my real journal. It has raw material in there. Its filled to the brim with bonus content. All you have to do is skim through it and take what you want from it. What works.
A lot of people get big and they can't really tell you how. They can tell you what they think, but not what worked for sure. That is where my journal comes in. Even if I'm completely wrong with my theories, you can learn from what I did. My results. And my routines.
And if you buy now you'll also get a free 7-day pass to my members site!
Here is what some members are saying
(testamonials)
If I'm right about this you are going to win. But if I'm wrong I'm going to lose. Heres why. I'm giving you a 60 day money back garuantee if you don't like my product send it back for a prompt refund. That takes all of the risk out of this for you! No questions asked.
I'm giving you a fail proof mass gaining system, v.i.p access to my membership site for free, and exclusive access to my personal work out routines (+journal) for only $17.00!!!
You need to buy now. Buy now before I realize this program is worth a lot more. You only get one chance in your life to look and feel the way you want. Today is the day that you can make that happen. Click Buy for a leaner, stronger, and sexier you.
Buy NOW!!!
p.s. I decided to throw in a few bonuses for deciding to take action today. I got these from a few big names in the workout world so you'll be pleasantly surprised when you see what you get. In fact you'll probably think I'm crazy for giving you so much valuable free struff, but it's what I do.
p.s.s The bonuses that I'm giving won't last for very long. Fitness Experts can be stingy, no telling when they'll tell me to stop giving away their products for FREE. So hurry up and buy today. You have nothing to lose.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
So you want to gain mass, I'm going to show you how to do it. FAST! So pay attention. The Following story is the complete truth.
When I first started building mass I Weighed a mere 140 pounds! I had dreams of being in the navy. And at my height that was skinny. The navy wasn't going to let me in. Thus my quest to gain some pounds began...
My goal was to be 180lbs. Everyday I pushed myself in the gym. But got nothing out of it.
Things didn't start to change until I did less. A lot less.
One of my favorite sayings is, "work smart and not hard."
You see I'm an ectomorph. Which is a fancy way of saying that I have to work my ass off to gain a single pound.
That was the disadvantage. But ectomorphs have a distinct privelage.
As you read on your'e beginning to see why this is so important.
The advantage is we skinny guys can sit around if we want and we don't gain weight. And since being lazy is my strong suit, I began gaining weight the lazy way.
Week after week I started to pick up weight. A pound here, a pound there.
Then the time came for me to go to meps. And My tiny frame didn't have anywhere near 180lbs on it.
It came time to weigh in, my palms dripping with sweat. The Petty Officer slid the meter a few times. And stopped. My eyes shut tight, because of my fear of looking at the scale.
Then he said," You're good." I glance at the scale. My eyes almost pop out of my head. You'd never guess how much I'd gained...
But first why I'm sharing my secrets with you?
There's Nothing to Hide
I'm going to explain to you how I gained my mass. But first I want to be upfront. I plan on making $17 by helping you. Why am I telling you this? I'm not some greasy salesman hiding behind a monitor. Nor am I some guy trying to hide a catch in the fine print. I'm truly going to give you the mass you always wanted. And $17 is a small price to pay for it.
As long as you stick with my system I garruantee that I can beef you up.. No this isn't the fad of yesteryear. Yes you can really gain muscle. Lean muscle.
Get Yo Weight Up!
Who can use the system?
If you are a high school student trying to pack on some pounds for sports, this is for you.
If you works a 9 to 5 and you want to gain weight in your spare time, you can do it with this system.
If you always dreamed of gaining weight but struggled to put on any weight this will work for you.
You see alot of people don't have a problem gaining weight. Really they have a problem eating the amount of food it takes to gain the weight. Most don't even know hom many calories it takes to gain.
A pound of muscle equals 3,500 calories. When most diets are based off of 2000 calories you can see why. But you need at bare minimum 3,500 calories to gain muscle.
I'll teach you about all the most important foods to eat in order to get these calories easily.
Also how to get these foods cheaply.
But even more troubling is how to feed your muscle the right food to have the energy it needs. You see Aerobis and NonAerobic exercises both are really good with burning calories but they use a different pathway for the energy. Knowthing the difference can help you set up an effective mass building workout.
Another important fact is that how intense your workout is can make or break your foals of building mass. I go further into this in the book. Including how intense you should go according to your body type.
Leverage -the most important tool for building a mass gaining workout.
The defintion is "Positional advantage; power to act effectively." The bigger the lever the less effort you have to put into something to get out more results.
There are a many of ways to build leverage to gain more mass quicker but here are a few ones you probably already know.
Knowing the workouts that build mass. Many people try to gain but waste time in the gym by doing the wrong workouts. I'll teach you the right ones. Plus a few secrets that the Giants of body building use.
Another key point is knowing when to go pulley, machine or free weight. And knowing why. Nature favors the workouts that you find out in the wild. Resistance against gravity. Free weights. Picture what strong men did in the past. Flipping over heavy rocks, climbing and so on.
But believe it or not there are times when you should go pulley or machine and I'll show you when. This will cut months off the time it will take to get lean mass.
The final verdict what I weighed at meps
Here are some pictures of me before and after
(I would place pictures here)
My final weight was 172lbs. I've gained 32 pounds in matter of a few weeks! Now I know that my goal was to gain 40 but I was happy to get into the military anyway.
heres what past customers are saying:
( )
BUY NOW!
If you buy now I'll throw in a free copy of my workout journal. It contains all of the tricks I used to gain my own weight. This is my real journal. It has raw material in there. Its filled to the brim with bonus content. All you have to do is skim through it and take what you want from it. What works.
A lot of people get big and they can't really tell you how. They can tell you what they think, but not what worked for sure. That is where my journal comes in. Even if I'm completely wrong with my theories, you can learn from what I did. My results. And my routines.
And if you buy now you'll also get a free 7-day pass to my members site!
Here is what some members are saying
(testamonials)
If I'm right about this you are going to win. But if I'm wrong I'm going to lose. Heres why. I'm giving you a 60 day money back garuantee if you don't like my product send it back for a prompt refund. That takes all of the risk out of this for you! No questions asked.
I'm giving you a fail proof mass gaining system, v.i.p access to my membership site for free, and exclusive access to my personal work out routines (+journal) for only $17.00!!!
You need to buy now. Buy now before I realize this program is worth a lot more. You only get one chance in your life to look and feel the way you want. Today is the day that you can make that happen. Click Buy for a leaner, stronger, and sexier you.
Buy NOW!!!
p.s. I decided to throw in a few bonuses for deciding to take action today. I got these from a few big names in the workout world so you'll be pleasantly surprised when you see what you get. In fact you'll probably think I'm crazy for giving you so much valuable free struff, but it's what I do.
p.s.s The bonuses that I'm giving won't last for very long. Fitness Experts can be stingy, no telling when they'll tell me to stop giving away their products for FREE. So hurry up and buy today. You have nothing to lose.
Cheers, Laurence.
Writer/Editor/Proofreader.