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Critique Request for WSO Post...Thanks

by humbledmarket Banned
10 replies
Hey guys,

So sorry to trouble you. I noticed quite a few people were requesting critique for their sales page and I figured I'd add to the list.

My strength aren't really in copywriting or sales pages and I could really use some help in how to improve my SEO Service Sales page on the warrior forum.

I would very much appreciate if you could give me some feedback on how I can improved; I've tried to start with an attentiongetter followed by some reviews and then listing the service.
http://www.warriorforum.com/warriors...-reviewed.html

Initially I did it with one thread per service but I thought perhaps one thread for all service might have better chance of capturing a wider audience attention?

Please give me your feedback and if you need help with SEO just give me a shout...we're great in that field and I'd be happy to return with my own advice on SEO or some free link building campaigns.

THANKS..could really use the help here
#critique #postthanks #request #wso
  • Profile picture of the author maximus242
    I think your biggest mistakes are:

    Formatting is hard to read
    You didnt use an outline
    There is no clear logical flow to your copy
    Your copy is not clear

    What you need to do is write down all the points you want to make in your copy, then put it into a clear logical outline. Then make it EASY to read.

    I think you need to get a copywriting outline and work from there. Should be some free ones on the net, if you search for sales letter structure, sales letter outlines, on google it should really help improve the quality of your advertisement
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    • Profile picture of the author OutOfThisWord
      Hard to tell what's going on except you offer SEO something.

      If you truly have a great product, then hire a copywriter to sell it for you.
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      • Profile picture of the author humbledmarket
        Banned
        Originally Posted by maximus242 View Post

        I think your biggest mistakes are:

        Formatting is hard to read
        You didnt use an outline
        There is no clear logical flow to your copy
        Your copy is not clear

        What you need to do is write down all the points you want to make in your copy, then put it into a clear logical outline. Then make it EASY to read.

        I think you need to get a copywriting outline and work from there. Should be some free ones on the net, if you search for sales letter structure, sales letter outlines, on google it should really help improve the quality of your advertisement
        Thanks, I'll definitely look into rearranging the formatting. I had a title, description and pricing for each service. Perhaps I need to change it up?

        Originally Posted by Danielle Lynn View Post

        Thanks Danielle,

        That was a very helpful link I was not aware of will definitely hope to implement some of what it says.

        Originally Posted by ProfJannes View Post

        Hey, had a glance at your WSO. One thing I always keep in mind is that users do not actually want to read, so add navigational heading to your WSO so they can get waht your site is about before reading the fine print.

        Add your heading at the top, with "This is your ONE STOP SEO Solution GUARANTEED!" in smaller print below your heading. Give the Why bullets with no mention to them, just add some nice ticks so it is evident what you offer.

        Then give a heading, smaller than your title listing services: below the services heading have a heading for each service with the purchase link at the end of each.

        As a final world, think flow, not content...

        ~ Jannes
        Thanks Jannes,

        Very helpful advice. It seems I really need to work on my formatting.

        Originally Posted by Mark Andrews View Post

        I'll say this for you Benjamin...

        It's great finally to see someone like your good self offering something in return for a critique to the other copywriters here.

        Very refreshing.

        And appreciated.

        If only more individuals would make a similar offer when asking for a copy critique.

        Many thanks,


        Mark Andrews
        Hey Mark,

        Thanks for your comment.
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  • Profile picture of the author Danielle Lynn
    Start here http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...-critique.html
    Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author ProfJannes
    Hey, had a glance at your WSO. One thing I always keep in mind is that users do not actually want to read, so add navigational heading to your WSO so they can get waht your site is about before reading the fine print.

    Add your heading at the top, with "This is your ONE STOP SEO Solution GUARANTEED!" in smaller print below your heading. Give the Why bullets with no mention to them, just add some nice ticks so it is evident what you offer.

    Then give a heading, smaller than your title listing services: below the services heading have a heading for each service with the purchase link at the end of each.

    As a final world, think flow, not content...

    ~ Jannes
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    • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
      Banned
      I'll say this for you Benjamin...

      It's great finally to see someone like your good self offering something in return for a critique to the other copywriters here.

      Very refreshing.

      And appreciated.

      If only more individuals would make a similar offer when asking for a copy critique.

      Many thanks,


      Mark Andrews
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    • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
      Originally Posted by ProfJannes View Post

      Hey, had a glance at your WSO. One thing I always keep in mind is that users do not actually want to read, so add navigational heading to your WSO so they can get waht your site is about before reading the fine print.

      ProfJannes is absolutely right - you have a lot of information, and my gut reaction was to keep scrolling to see if anything useful or definitive jumped out at me. My experience has shown that when you give people a large amount of choices, that fear of choosing something kicks in and they get overwhelmed, opting to not choose anything rather than wade through all the options.

      Personally, I'd narrow it down to no more than 3-5 special offers and tell people there are more available on your website or on another thread.

      The next thing is that you say several times that you know what you're doing, but you don't show me proof. If you're making that kind of claim, I'd like testimonials or screen shots or numbers to immediately follow that claim. It's simply a matter of backing up what you're saying in a way that is immediately clear. In other words, don't make me research you to find out if you're the real deal. Put it out there, up front where everyone can see.

      I ALWAYS support white hat SEO guys, and I applaud you for what you're doing. I think cutting down your offer and getting it more focused will help you get people clicking on those Buy Now links.
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      Aspiring copywriters: if you need 1:1 advice from an experienced copy chief, head over to my Phone a Friend page.

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      • Profile picture of the author humbledmarket
        Banned
        Originally Posted by angiecolee View Post


        ProfJannes is absolutely right - you have a lot of information, and my gut reaction was to keep scrolling to see if anything useful or definitive jumped out at me. My experience has shown that when you give people a large amount of choices, that fear of choosing something kicks in and they get overwhelmed, opting to not choose anything rather than wade through all the options.

        Personally, I'd narrow it down to no more than 3-5 special offers and tell people there are more available on your website or on another thread.

        The next thing is that you say several times that you know what you're doing, but you don't show me proof. If you're making that kind of claim, I'd like testimonials or screen shots or numbers to immediately follow that claim. It's simply a matter of backing up what you're saying in a way that is immediately clear. In other words, don't make me research you to find out if you're the real deal. Put it out there, up front where everyone can see.

        I ALWAYS support white hat SEO guys, and I applaud you for what you're doing. I think cutting down your offer and getting it more focused will help you get people clicking on those Buy Now links.
        THANKS SO MUCH for your detailed feedback.

        It does make sense and I think it's something I have to consider about the 3-5.

        In terms to the testimonials we have listed quite a few testimonials but perhaps due to the formatting you got them confused?

        Thanks for your support and help; I'm hoping to get more people clicking those Buy Now Links as well. They're sitting there wasting pixels at the moment, can't wait to take the suggestions here and put the links to full use

        Ps. If you want some backlinking done to your blog to rank for perhaps some copyrighting keywords please let me know; I'd be happy to give you some free link building campaigns (Introductory SEO Solution + some Blog Post Links) we focus on social media campaign and manual link building so it's great for traffic and ranks

        This goes for anyone who commented above as well; please feel free to pm me to take me up on a free introductory SEO Solution (3 stage SEO campaign)...please contact me in the next 24 hours to get your free "thank you" campaign running
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        • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
          Originally Posted by humbledmarket View Post

          In terms to the testimonials we have listed quite a few testimonials but perhaps due to the formatting you got them confused?
          Yes, apologies if that was unclear. Your claims were right up front, but I had to dig for the testimonials. Thank you for the offer - I'll send a PM soon
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          Aspiring copywriters: if you need 1:1 advice from an experienced copy chief, head over to my Phone a Friend page.

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          • Profile picture of the author humbledmarket
            Banned
            Originally Posted by angiecolee View Post

            Yes, apologies if that was unclear. Your claims were right up front, but I had to dig for the testimonials. Thank you for the offer - I'll send a PM soon
            Not a concern, already replied to your PM looking to bring your keyword up to the first page or higher.
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