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Can you critique sales letter headline please

by sales@plrarticlecontents
14 replies
Can you kindly critique my sales letter headline please and I will appreciate it if you can. My headline is expressed in bold and quotes below:

"Now You Can Save the Time And Money Needed To Create The Material You Need
For GUARANTEED Traffic Generation That Works All the Time"
#critique #headline
  • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
    You didn't have to tell us your "headline is expressed in bold below" - we saw it.

    Don't get upset. No offense intended.

    My point - assume that words cost $10,000.00 each - so don't waste them. Always make sure your prospects want to buy them for $50,000.00 each.


    Anyway...

    A quick fix - (listen to that kerching!! $150,000).


    "Save Time And Money Creating ______ For GUARANTEED Traffic That Works All The Time"



    "Now" isn't really necessary (although it can help make everything sound in the present which is good).

    "You Can" isn't good. "You Will" is better. But only if it is genuinely possible and the product is guaranteed.

    We can safely say your prospects do need it. So take out "You Need"

    I don't like "material" and would change it - to whatever it is you actually do.

    Or


    "GUARANTEED Traffic Generation That Works All The Time"



    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author sales@plrarticlecontents
      Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter View Post

      You didn't have to tell us your "headline is expressed in bold below" - we saw it.

      Don't get upset. No offense intended.

      My point is - pretend words cost $10,000.00 each - so don't waste them. Always make sure your prospects want to buy them for $50,000.00 each.


      Anyway...

      A quick fix -


      "Save Time And Money Creating ______ For GUARANTEED Traffic That Works All The Time"



      "Now" isn't really necessary. And We can safely assume your prospects do need it. So take out "You Need"

      I don't like the word "material" and would change it - to whatever it is you actually do.

      Or


      "GUARANTEED Traffic Generation That Works All the Time"



      Steve
      I will change it like this:

      "Save Time And Money Creating Articles For GUARANTEED Long Term Traffic That Works All The Time"

      I added word "Long Term" to my headline. I hope that I can add the word "Long Term" to my headline.
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      • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
        No need - "long Term" has just cost you $20,000.00.

        You won't get your $100,000.00 (because it's vague - how long is long term? - nobody knows).

        "All The Time" says it.

        Well done for changing "Material" to "Articles" - now your prospects know what you do.


        Steve
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        • Profile picture of the author sales@plrarticlecontents
          Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter View Post

          No need - "long Term" has just cost you $20,000.00. You won't get your $100,000.

          Because.

          "All The Time" says it


          Steve
          cool, Then i will change my sales letter headline to:

          "Save Time And Money Creating Articles For GUARANTEED Traffic that works All the time"
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          • Profile picture of the author Grain
            Ken's will work. More info from you needed.
            Blind attempt.

            Breakthrough Articles Suck In Nearly 2 Weeks Worth Of
            Automated Traffic In One Day - Or You Pay Nothing.

            Who knows.
            Signature

            Kind Regards,
            Grain.

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            • Profile picture of the author sales@plrarticlecontents
              Originally Posted by Grain View Post

              Ken's will work. More info from you needed.
              Blind attempt.

              Breakthrough Articles Suck In Nearly 2 Weeks Worth Of
              Automated Traffic In One Day - Or You Pay Nothing.

              Who knows.
              That is an excellent blind attempt. I will use that as my sales letter headline because I create articles so that people can generate guaranteed free long term traffic and the headline you gave me is powerful.
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      • Profile picture of the author sales@plrarticlecontents
        Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill View Post

        Sorry, no.

        This Strange (weird, unusual, etc) Traffic Tactic Works Every Time --Guaranteed
        I create articles for the purpose of traffic generation and to save people time and money from creating traffic generation articles. so how can I incorporate your headline with the articles I create
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        • Profile picture of the author sales@plrarticlecontents
          Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill View Post

          Put it at the top.
          explain how I should write it or put at the top if you don't mind please
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  • Profile picture of the author KimboJim
    A lot of unnecessary words here. There have already been some good attempts here to improve it (and the headlines suggested are great), but in the future, try to limit the number of words in the headline.

    A long headline isn't necessarily bad, but when it has a lot of unnecessary "the's" and "you's", then it can become a problem.
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  • Profile picture of the author knish
    I would also definitely take away All The Capital Letters Beginning Words In The Headline Which I Suspect Add Nothing And Will Alienate Some Readers For Sure, but that's only personal preference. After all, it's a headline, not a subject-line or title-line.
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  • Profile picture of the author sales@plrarticlecontents
    Originally Posted by masterz View Post

    I love this template a lot and I always use it, try to use it too;
    How To Get _____________________ (Benefit #1), __________________
    (Benefit #2), and ______________________ (Benefit #3). In Just
    _______________ (actual time period such as the number of hours, days or weeks
    required) Guaranteed, Or (your money back, double your money back, it.s free,
    etc.)

    hope this helps,
    ~Paul

    This is an excellent template. You gave some more light into how headlines are written
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