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First CB product would like Honest reviews..

by Wkbrdr25
25 replies
Fellow warriors..

So i've been promoting CB products with some reasonable success, nothing to huge..

long story short, I've decided to create my own product, always told to do what you know.. Well this is what I know..

Yes that is me in the pictures and yes the story is completely true and accurate.

However the site has been live for a few days, and i've been grinding out some traffic to it, but not a single sale. Would love some honest and if necessary brutal reviews on the sales page that would help it convert..

Thanks in advance
Eric
#honest #product #reviews
  • Profile picture of the author Mike Hlatky
    Posting a link would help
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    • Profile picture of the author Wkbrdr25
      lol..

      Yes, Yes it would.. smh

      Permanent Fat loss 101
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      • Profile picture of the author spicer
        Looks great. Great job very personable and good design.
        I even bought the product.
        I hope that gets you listed int he marketplace.
        The product looks very professionally done, but I am still going through it.
        Excellent job and wish you luck with your product.
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        I am hear to help anyone that is looking to make money online.
        Please private message me if you are looking for a mentor or just have some questions.

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  • Profile picture of the author Resale Rights Ninja
    I like the sleep apnea machine. I didn't actually read the sales copy, but it looks good.
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    PM Me Now!

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  • Profile picture of the author Wkbrdr25
    Thanks for the help,
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    • Profile picture of the author deejones
      I think it looks great, especially given that it's your first product. Definitely looks like lot of thought and effort went into it.

      I wouldn't worry about lack of results just yet. It might just take some time for buyers to start finding you.
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      • Profile picture of the author Wkbrdr25
        Originally Posted by deejones View Post

        I think it looks great, especially given that it's your first product. Definitely looks like lot of thought and effort went into it.

        I wouldn't worry about lack of results just yet. It might just take some time for buyers to start finding you.
        Thanks for the compliment.
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  • Profile picture of the author entrepreneurjay
    It looks good you did a great job. I personally like video's on sales pages I think they add a touch of personality and up the conversion rate.

    Good luck with your product I think you will do well.
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    • Profile picture of the author Wkbrdr25
      Yeah I like videos also.

      Just don't have the upfront cash or where to get a quality one done. Like the others..

      Any ideas on the front I'm all ears.. Thanks again.
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  • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
    Banned
    Originally Posted by Wkbrdr25 View Post

    Would love some honest and if necessary brutal reviews on the sales page that would help it convert.
    It needs testimonials!

    I like it, overall. It's non-hypey, and it's non-leaky.

    I think you've done well to avoid all the worst excesses of the "typical ClickBank weight-loss sales page", and that that will help your conversion-rate.

    You've also done well to avoid video, fake urgency, fake scarcity and many other "tricks and traps" loved by vendors in this niche who don't split-test but just copy each other.

    You urgently need to run a spell-check! (On a quick read-through, I noticed both "embarrassment" and "barely" spelled incorrectly - but there'll be others, too - as well as some punctuation errors. Just saying.)

    Good luck with it, Eric.
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  • Profile picture of the author Wkbrdr25
    Thanks,

    That's actually saying a lot coming from you Alexa, appreciate the input.

    Spell check run..

    And I'm trying to convince my father to be a review but he has issues with his picture up on the internet for some reason lol.
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  • Profile picture of the author AlenGeorgeson
    Damn buddy you have your amazing hook in your sales copy instead of your title!
    I would write: "How I lost 110 lbs in 8 months and saved my dad from dying...by eating MORE than I did before". Think about it...what do obese people think about? Food! "I dont want to stop". "I love food, I dont want to give that up"...you get the point.

    I dont know about you, but Im hell sure that thats the way it is. You have a perfect hook here. I mean if this is true and works, you have a good chance to make some nice money with this.

    Hope that helps
    Alen
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    • Profile picture of the author Wkbrdr25
      Originally Posted by AlenGeorgeson View Post

      Damn buddy you have your amazing hook in your sales copy instead of your title!
      I would write: "How I lost 110 lbs in 8 months and saved my dad from dying...by eating MORE than I did before". Think about it...what do obese people think about? Food! "I dont want to stop". "I love food, I dont want to give that up"...you get the point.
      Great advice..

      That is an image I had created.. and i know ZERO about photo shop. So I will have to see if I can get that altered.

      and yeah this is 100% true.
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      • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
        To be honest, I'm not surprised it's not converting. It sounds alright, but in my mind sounds pretty much like every other weight loss program out there. You name it, I've heard it. I've even heard the "average Joe" angle and the "saved my life" angle, and the "this doesn't happen overnight" warning over and over and over again.

        I do like the fact that it helped save your dad's life, but I found myself skimming over most of the body copy because it simply didn't catch my interest. I also like the angle about how the diet industry keeps you yo-yoing back and forth so they can get your money.

        I think my biggest problem is that there doesn't seem to be a structure to it.

        1. Here's my product.
        2. The diet industry sucks.
        3. Here's my story.
        4. The diet industry sucks.
        5. I changed my strategy and it worked.
        6. That meant I didn't have to do sucky diet industry things like take pills.
        7. I taught my strategy to others and it worked.
        8. Americans don't stick to diets.
        9. Here's my book!
        10. What's my book worth to you? (these should be reversed - don't bring up the offering before you've shared the value)
        11. Guarantee (good)
        12. A very unemotional emotional hook about reasons to lose weight.

        So if your books are best-sellers as you claim, I need social proof. I need more drastic pictures of your results than just a head shot and a distant fishing shot. I need to know that others have tried this and it worked, whether through testimonials or photos.

        I need something that doesn't sound like every other miracle weight loss plan, and I need you to understand that timeline and lifestyle changes are still marketed as part of many of these miracle weight loss plans.

        I suggest you hire a copywriter, but obviously I'm biased. Barring that, I think you really need to study long-form sales copy and work on putting more of YOU into your copy - your pain points, your motivation, your struggles, your triumphs. You're skimming over the meat of your story, and that's causing me to as well.
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  • Profile picture of the author Wkbrdr25
    Wowsa! lol

    Thanks for being honest, appreciate it.
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    • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
      Hmm, nice layout but it's tough for me to get past a 42 word opening sentence. And you keep it up with 33 words in the second paragraph.

      Let me give you an example of how it SHOULD be. If you make these changes throughout the letter, then I'll read it and give more advice. As it is now, it hurts my brain.

      Have you not seen any advice about starting with a short first sentence before? Read up on the greased slide concept.

      Yours:
      Hey,
      My name is Eric Filipek and losing 110lbs in 8 short months, and helping my Father lose 200lbs in 18 months without pills or surgery is MY major accomplishment and can be YOURS with my proven program of Permanent fat Loss 101. (42 words)

      The diet industry makes millions off the “YO-YO” affect, first down then up again and so on. So I am going to “peel the onion”, on the diet industry, an industry that thrives on keeping you on the fat tract, which keeps you paying after every attempt and every failure.(33 words)

      More importantly, no matter your age, or gender, or how much Body Fat you want to lose, success is achievable without the magic pills, starvation dieting, trips to the gym and definitely No “Super-Secret” exercise regimens.(37 words)
      Mine:

      Hey,

      I lost 110lbs in 8 months without pills or surgery.

      It's an accomplishment I'm very proud of.

      But, it's not my most important accomplishment... I helped my Father lose 200lbs in 18 months and literally saved his life.

      Look, the diet industry makes millions off the “YO-YO” affect. You go down then up again, over and over. I am going to “peel the onion”, on the diet industry. It's an industry that thrives on keeping you on the fat track.

      They profit from every attempt and every failure.

      More importantly, it doesn't matter your age, gender, or how much fat you want to lose. Success is achievable without magic pills, starvation dieting or trips to the gym. And don't worry, there are no “Super-Secret” exercise regimens.


      See?
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Decent effort. In a tough niche. But ever thought of doing a video? Starting off with your father - nice and slim - holding a pic of himself when he was a fatty. And holding up the shorts he used to wear. Or wearing the over-size shorts he used to fit. Or dressed in a whole range of clothes - suit, swimmers, shorts etc - and everything is falling off him - he lost that much weight. And maybe your dad is working on a site called XXM Pre-Owned Clothes.com or something like that - where he's selling off his entire old wardrobe.

    B & A shots are what it's all about in this niche.
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  • Profile picture of the author Wkbrdr25
    Thanks for the tips guys, I truly do appreciate it!

    I'm want to do a video, Just un-sure of the process on how to actually make videos. So I'm researching on that, as I improve the copy in general..

    Bruce, Thanks for the tips... I will be putting those into effect. Mind if I PM you when I get some of it more fluid?
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    • Profile picture of the author videolover7
      Originally Posted by Wkbrdr25 View Post

      Thanks for the tips guys, I truly do appreciate it!

      I'm want to do a video, Just un-sure of the process on how to actually make videos. So I'm researching on that, as I improve the copy in general..

      Bruce, Thanks for the tips... I will be putting those into effect. Mind if I PM you when I get some of it more fluid?
      At this point, if Bruce signs on, STOP listening to everybody else. He could help you take it to the top on Clickbank.

      VL
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    • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
      Originally Posted by Wkbrdr25 View Post

      Bruce, Thanks for the tips... I will be putting those into effect. Mind if I PM you when I get some of it more fluid?
      Sure you can. I'm looking for an average sentence length of 12-15 words, but some a lot less, very few much more.

      After you get it all written, spell and grammar check it in Word with "Statistics" enabled and it will give you your avg sentence length. And your Flesch-Kincaid reading grade level should be less than 8th grade.
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      • Profile picture of the author Wkbrdr25
        Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding View Post

        Sure you can. I'm looking for an average sentence length of 12-15 words, but some a lot less, very few much more.
        Hey bruce..

        I've revised everything and PM'd you.. Curious about your input.

        Thanks again.
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  • Profile picture of the author knish
    I think this copy should work well. Good copy and graphics. Just make a quality video (as you claim), and you will raise your sales ratio.
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  • Profile picture of the author Wkbrdr25
    Sounds like a plan.

    Working on it as we speak. I also came across a few articles on the "greased slide" concept you suggested. So doing reading and implementing..

    Truly appreciate the help!
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  • Profile picture of the author Hans Klein
    You've got a lot more work to do. Not because what you've done so far is that bad. But... because this is an ultra-competitive market. You're not where you need to be yet.

    Here are some notes:

    * Get a female case-study, preferably one who lost weight after having children. The market is mostly female. You've got to prove they can do it too.

    * Get professional before/after case-studies where you can see the results clearly.

    You probably don't have your before shots, but you can get pro after shots done.

    * Powerpoint videos can be done free with camtasia and a copy of PowerPoint... though you probably want to hire a voice over artist.

    * You need to figure out how your product fits into the market place. How is it unique? Imagine you're talking to an overweight person who's bought product after product and failed. Why is this going to work when all else failed?

    You need a strong reason why that instantly resonates with the market.

    Study other products on Clickbank. Watch all of the weight loss infomercials. See what they're doing over and over again.

    -Hans Klein
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  • Profile picture of the author debml
    USP needs to be much stronger. Your hooks are nice, but I'm having a hard time feeling how your product is going o help me or be different than any other book out there or any other method I've tried.
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