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Senator Rand Paul's Copywriter

by terryrayburn
9 replies
I got an email petition advertisment from Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky.

The lead for his letter?

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"Dear Concerned American,

They snickered when I said I came to the U.S. Senate to change Congress.

But their laughter stopped when I sponsored the National Right to Work Act...[etc.]"
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Classic. Literally.
#copywriter #paul #rand #senator
  • Profile picture of the author arfasaira
    LOL!

    They snickered?

    probably thinking of chocolate when he wrote it!

    Although I'm surprised no one picked up on that!

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  • Profile picture of the author RickCopy
    I think the structure of that lead leaves a lot to be desired.

    “Snickered”? Really?

    “But their laughter stopped..” :yuck:
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Warriors
      Originally Posted by RickCopy View Post

      I think the structure of that lead leaves a lot to be desired.

      "Snickered"? Really?

      "But their laughter stopped.." :yuck:
      Yeah it's kind of lame actually. It's basically a failed attempt at a cliche. Cliches are bad, bungled cliches are cringeworthy.
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      • Profile picture of the author JakeDaly
        It may make copywriters like us throw up a little bit in our mouths, but to the average Joe that opening is still more than likely going to make a greater number of constituents keep reading than Rand Paul is probably used to.
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      • Profile picture of the author Ken Hoffman
        Originally Posted by Andy Button View Post

        Yeah it's kind of lame actually. It's basically a failed attempt at a cliche. Cliches are bad, bungled cliches are cringeworthy.
        Cliches aren't all bad. (At least according to Gary Halbert) They can often work well.

        But this isn't a cliche. It's a massacred version of a proven, time-tested headline from John Caples.

        Nothing wrong with doing that. It was just poorly executed.
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  • Profile picture of the author NickN
    Not that I'm one to defend Rand Paul, but...

    Snicker - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary

    snicker -- "to laugh in a covert or partly suppressed manner"
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  • Profile picture of the author Ken Hoffman
    Ineffective swiping no doubt.

    They laughed when I told them I was going to change congress...
    But when they found out what I did their jaws dropped in amazement
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