Please Review Sales Letter

Your copy is always going to be subjective.

You could keep writing it forever and still get the same comments.

Some will always prefer one style over the other.

I do "get" that the offer is "how to "automatically" focus - and get control of your life"

And the promise in the headline is good. And I like the pre head and sub headline.

You might not be aware but it's similar to a Eugene Schwartz style - a famous copywriter who sold zillions of self improvement books.

In the body copy you've still used the Problem Agitate Solve formula - which is an excellent copywriting tactic.

In fairness - you started with "You's" but there has to be some "I's" because you're emphasizing the problems you had. So that your audience can "relate" to you. Building the empathy.

And the research you did to find the answers.

Then there are stacks more "You's" - when you move to the solution.


You did take a lot of the advice from your previous post. The layout is much better.

Very importantly you've mentioned you are not dealing with any medical conditions - instead the theme is self improvement.

You've used many of the key comments in the testimonials including "distractions"

You have pumped up all the emotional benefits. The bullets are stronger. The close is more powerful, eliminating all risk by reinforcing the benefits and making the guarantee really stand out. And as suggested the price is more expensive. Adding value to the Guide. And you've included many useful bonuses.


But...


In your first subhead in the body copy you've changed it to - "a lack of focus can mess up your college life in so many ways"

But the copy isn't targeting students - it's universally aimed at anyone who has difficulty in focusing and concentrating.

If students are your target audience - you should rewrite the copy aimed solely at them.

And use some of the colloquialisms from your first piece.


We don't know if and how you are driving traffic to your site.

So even if you paid an A lister $15,000 plus royalties to write your copy the results would be minimal if no one ever gets to read it.


Possibly the biggest problem is the product itself - did you research if people actually want this Guide?

If there is no "market" then nobody on earth can afford to "educate" people.

There has to be an existing desire.

It's too late now to backtrack and find this out.

So I would concentrate on driving traffic to your site.

The copy is good enough to sell to people who do want your answer.

Just make sure you target the audience who should have the greatest need.


Steve