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My First Cherry Poppin' Copy (please critique it's pretty short :) )

by ildarius
13 replies
Take it apart if you must!

It was a great experience. I think I already know what I could have done
differently with the copy, but want to hear your opinion.

terrafirma1.0 by nodethirtythree
#cherry #copy #critique #poppin #pretty #short
  • Profile picture of the author clonedrone
    Why does a customer want to know "How we make more money...."

    You have mechanic spelled wrong

    Are you using Construction material (one material) or materials?

    What are you customers largest frustrations and problems?
    What do your customers really want?
    What keeps them up at night?
    What's going on in their head BEFORE they arrive at your page?
    How are they finding out about you?
    Where are they in the buying process?
    What do you offer that is better than your competition, and have PROOF of?


    Just a few places to start....Definitely in need of a rewrite.

    Way to wordy, no real direction.
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    • Profile picture of the author kymom46
      Too wordy for the subject. Do spell check, please!
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    your arguments meander and lose clarity. I got bored.

    Also - your positioning as "cheap" is unwise, imo. I was in
    the trades for years. If you build a business with penny-pinching
    customers you'll always have problems down the road.
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    • Profile picture of the author ildarius
      What are you customers largest frustrations and problems?
      What do your customers really want?
      What keeps them up at night?
      What's going on in their head BEFORE they arrive at your page?
      How are they finding out about you?
      Where are they in the buying process?
      What do you offer that is better than your competition, and have PROOF of?
      Wow, great points, I had many of them on my mind too (such as: What do they care about how WE make money and I think I talk too much about the company and not enough about the benifits to the customer.

      cheap
      Good advice too, but I didn't say it's cheap, it MAY BE cheaper
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      • Profile picture of the author clonedrone
        Right on....Get out of your head and into your customers.

        Nobody cares about you...They only care about solving their problems.

        I used to make the same mistake, so I know it when I see it.

        Good luck!


        P.S. Less expensive and inexpensive are great words for cheap or cheaper
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    It's usually better with construction to emphasize the
    value in getting things done right... the first time.
    Low price is 5th on the list of general priorities most
    people consider when making a purchase - if you make
    low prices your selling proposition you automatically
    put it foremost in their minds. You are about to make
    a mistake with positioning this business.
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    • Profile picture of the author Stretch44
      Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye View Post

      It's usually better with construction to emphasize the
      value in getting things done right... the first time.
      Low price is 5th on the list of general priorities most
      people consider when making a purchase - if you make
      low prices your selling proposition you automatically
      put it foremost in their minds. You are about to make
      a mistake with positioning this business.
      Great point regarding quality and cost. We hired a contractor years ago that "hob-knobbed" with what most would consider society's elite (Dr.'s, Attorneys, etc...). Once he did a quality job for one, his name got passed around to the point where he had work waiting for him 6 months to 2 years down the road. He was neat, courteous and he offered other services (like storage for remodeling jobs) and brought in only "the best" subcontractors, but in the end the work was adequate. The work/craftsmanship was nowhere close to as good as his reputation, but because of his clientele and their opinion of him, he was able to create an aura. He was a little more expensive, but as Loren said, he hit all the "hot buttons" with us, regarding "doing it right the first time" and working time and materials, as opposed to a bid on the whole job that would cost us more because he'd have to bid safe so he wouldn't lose money. You get the picture. I still see him occasionally and we have a good relationship. He sold us from the first moment we heard about him and he sold us every day he showed up for work!
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    • Profile picture of the author Kevin AKA Hubcap
      Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye View Post

      It's usually better with construction to emphasize the
      value in getting things done right... the first time.
      Low price is 5th on the list of general priorities most
      people consider when making a purchase - if you make
      low prices your selling proposition you automatically
      put it foremost in their minds. You are about to make
      a mistake with positioning this business.
      I agree. When people are getting an addition added to their house, a bathroom or kitchen remodeled or any type of similar work the first think they'll think about is the work going to be done correctly and am I going to get screwed.

      People are willing to pay for quality work from honest people and will tell their friends about it.

      In your headline you state

      How We Make More Money by Giving You Better Quality Service while Charging the Same or even Less Than the Competition

      Focus only on the customer, not on you or your competition.

      Also, some video testimonials would be great including before and after clips of recent projects.

      Ease the customers apprehension of working with you and you're more than halfway home.

      How about providing customers with a guide containing questions and answers relating to hiring a company to perform this type of work.

      I think you've got a good foundation...you just need to shore it up.

      Kevin
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  • Profile picture of the author ildarius
    the first time.
    Low price is 5th on the list of general priorities most
    cool will keep that in mind, that's actually part of the reason why the company is called "Elita" so he can charge more

    Loren Woirhaye
    Video on your site might be out of Sync (was for me at least)
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    Thanks. Still learning a lot about video compression. At
    least my stuff loads fast... trying to figure out where to make
    compromises so it works for the most people.
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    The headline is a killer. No one hiring a contractor wants to hear about the contractor making money. They want to hear about how the contractor saves THEM money and gets the job done right the first time..

    They care about the contractor's work lasting through the test of time.

    They care about the contractor standing behind their work if something does go wrong down the line.

    They care about the contractor's reputation and testimonials from satisfied customers.

    They care about seeing photos (proof).

    They care about whether or not they specialize in the type of construction/remodeling that they are interested in or need.

    Reframe the copy and write from the perspective of someone HIRING a contractor, not from someone hired BY a contractor.

    Hope this helps,

    Brian
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    Brian McLeod
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    • Profile picture of the author ildarius
      I've listened to the advice and reconstructed the sales copy.

      No more - "How we make more money by charging the same or less than the competition"

      What do you think?
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      • Profile picture of the author ZelimirGraf
        I have some construction experience, and I know the one thing that literally tortures people when they have to find a good construction company, and that is massive distrust. Show them they can trust you, build authority through addressing other rip-off artist, and showing them why you are different, provide a sparkling guarantee and it might do you one better.
        Hope this helps

        Best

        Zelimir Graf

        p.s. You have a fair amount of spelling and grammar errors, I`d look into that if I were you
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        Custom WordPress development, landing page creation & copywriting with over 150+ successfully completed projects with A+ grades from our clients - check it out at https://webconstructors.org. Our services include: Corporate web design | WooCommerce development | Real esteate web development | E-mail marketing

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