Help me improve my sales page

15 years ago

You product is not a complicated one but your sales message and
marketing method needs some work.

First, the sales letter is too 'academic' (all those "ize" words), simplify
your language.

Second, you have not DEMONSTRATED how to use the software.
The one video you use HAVE NO SOUND and yet you are selling
words-->sound/video.

As far as your strategy is concerned, when selling a software you
need to give away a 'crippled version'. Give people a chance to play
with the software and get comfortable with it then they'll buy.

Use a FREE trial or a stamped copy of the software that they would
have to pay to remove--or something similar.

You also lack PROOF that this method of marketing works. You
haven't given me any proof that using video articles really pull
more traffic to your site.

In a sales letter every statement or claim you make is 10 times
stronger if you attach proof and specifics to it.

Hope this helps,

-Ray Edwards

[ 1 ] Thanks

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Alp Bozkurt

15 years ago

Thank you for taking your time, Ray.

I just read your sales copy offer page an hour age but it's beyond the scope my pocket, at the moment

Your comments are priceless thank you again.

Thanks
1 reply

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Raydal

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Alp Bozkurt

Thank you for taking your time, Ray.

I just read your sales copy offer page an hour age but it's beyond the scope my pocket, at the moment

Your comments are priceless thank you again.

No problem. If you make those changes that I suggest you will be able
to afford me soon.

Another option you have is you send me PM and tell me your budget I can
get one of my copywriting students to work on this copy for you.

-Ray Edwards

Thanks
1 reply

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marketing1012 15 years ago

hey man, its not that bad but yeah as said before the sales writing could do some lifting up!

Russel Brunson has some sick tips on how to make it work for you, so it might be wroth taking a look at his site, Internet Marketing Strategies - Start an Online Business | DotComSecrets
- Thanks
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travlinguy

15 years ago

I read the first two paragraphs and there were two sentences that don't make any sense at all. Also... "...like most online entrepreneurs, you possess plenty of articles on your hard drive..." and "...not to mention a plethora of published articles on article sites you have frequented."

You're writing as though your audience is Harvard professors. How about this: "You've probably got plenty of articles..."

You also make a pretty strong assumption to say that most online entrepreneurs have plenty of articles on their hard drives. I'd say that most probably don't have all that many articles hanging around.

I didn't get past the second paragraph.

I'd suggest you get a pro to proofread this for you - someone with IM experience. And then rewrite it for the general public. Good luck.

[ 1 ] Thanks

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Alp Bozkurt

15 years ago

I already have it proofread to a professional writer (in USA) for $0.05 per word.

It's very hard to find good people to work with. I think I already pay premium prices. How does $0.05 for proofreading sound?

Thanks

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travlinguy

15 years ago

Ahhh... I don't think the price you've paid has much to do with it. Though $.05 per word is a nice rate to earn for proofreading. I'd ask the professional how he would justify this particular sentence:

Now is the time to establish a competitive edge and converting each and every one of them into videos packed fully with every bit of content you have created.

This is the only sentence in the second paragraph. The word 'them' references nothing at all so the sentence is confusing. I'd guess he's talking about the articles mentioned in the above paragraph, but a sales page shouldn't have the reader guessing. The lead sentence in the third paragraph is too wordy and weak. There are many other unclear sentences in the piece.

Anyway, you're asking for honest feedback and getting it. The copy is rigid and unfriendly at best. If you want people to read it you're going to need to do something. Good luck.

Thanks

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Alp Bozkurt

15 years ago

I was thinking that my english was too poor to understand those sentences LOL.

You certainly opened my eyes. Thank you very much.

I did something and hired a nice copywriter (a fellow warrior) a few minutes ago.

Thanks

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JamesGermana

15 years ago

Alp,

One thing I would do for sure is get some kind of opt-in box on your page so that you can capture the leads of anybody who visits but decides not to buy. Perhaps you could give away a free report or demo of your product by requesting their name and e-mail address.

All the best,
James Germana

Thanks
2 replies

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ZelimirGraf 15 years ago

Hi, your product seems really cool, I have to admit. Here`s a hint. If you are keen on using the two-column sales letter, use the left one for putting up testimonials. I think that current layout is a waste of space. Put the current content in the left side somewhere in the middle of the sales letter, in the box, for purpose of explaining the technicalities of your product.
And move the pre-head from the header graphic into the letter, and make it stand out with some color. And of course, you need to make your sales letter less like a technical spreadsheet, and more a full blooded emotionally driven sales message.
- [ 1 ] Thanks
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DynamicRevelation

15 years ago

Originally Posted by JamesGermana

Alp,

One thing I would do for sure is get some kind of opt-in box on your page so that you can capture the leads of anybody who visits but decides not to buy. Perhaps you could give away a free report or demo of your product by requesting their name and e-mail address.

All the best,
James Germana

In addition to this, may I recommend you assume a more passive approach to capturing those leads.

How you word your request has a very powerful effect on the minds of your prospects.

Perhaps try a less mechanical phrase than "give me your name & email" or "fill in the form"...

I would lean more toward phrases like "just tell me where to send your free stuff."

This will tend to have your prospects less defensive and more focused on helping you to give them their "gifts."

Hope that helps.

- Jeromy

Thanks

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TheMagicShow

15 years ago

First of all, there are way too many distractions -- on that page. Your headline should have top spotlight, and attention. When I look at your page, the left-column, and the header get me more than your headline.

Where are the testimonials? Satisfied customers? If you do have to use a left-column, then fill it with testimonials. Having your headline in the center -- puts more focus on it, and it has less distractions.

I see no p.s anywhere on your copy, try using em.

Cheers,
Magic

Thanks

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pmg2712

15 years ago

your sales message and
marketing method needs some work. and it should be neat, people should know what is the purpose ???i think u can do much better.

Thanks

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portalmaker

15 years ago

Hey Alp:

Sent you an email through your A2Video site. Can you take a look and respond?

Thanks,

Jim

Thanks

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BizWebMan

15 years ago

Hi Alp

I have had a look at your site and am very impressed. Getting the copywriting done by a fellow pro Warrior really has done the trick.

As a thought and as a promotion for your superb product have you considered offering article2video as a WSO.

Kind Regards
Grahame

Thanks

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Brett2000

15 years ago

Hi,

The video on the page is 'too fast', and I don't see the connection between the top marketers and your product (yet)...

The headlines are confusing (there are 3-4 of them). The 'attention headline' get's hidden by the background color. Try taking some or most of these out, and have 1 main headline, 1 sub headline, maybe even remove top graphic (I've found through testing sometimes having no graphic at top works better).

Text on the page is quite small to read, especially in the bullets.

Thanks

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rai007

15 years ago

[DELETED]

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nmh

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Alp Bozkurt

Hi Warriors,

I tried to do my best for my new product but my sales copy really suck...

http://www.article2video.com

Could you please make some suggestion to improve it?

What elements need to be added, and which ones should be changed.

Your comments are really appriciated.

I will not change the layout for now but only the copy.

Thanks!

Alp

Hi,

I am relatively new to this forum but I just posted another forum post regarding software similar to Article2Video before I read this post ONLY BECAUSE, I could not
understand from my perspective what exactly the product does. I see the short 20 second demo BUT it gives me no idea of what it will look like afterwards and for it to be a continuity product, I was definitely not going to shell out anything even for a trial without even knowing what I was supposed to get for the end product. The end result is something visual so I was expecting to see that. Again, maybe others don't but for a lot of us new to IM, even just the video side, that might be a lot more helpful.

Just my 2 cents.

Thanks
1 reply

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nmh

15 years ago

Originally Posted by nmh

Hi,

I am relatively new to this forum but I just posted another forum post regarding software similar to Article2Video before I read this post ONLY BECAUSE, I could not
understand from my perspective what exactly the product does. I see the short 20 second demo BUT it gives me no idea of what it will look like afterwards and for it to be a continuity product, I was definitely not going to shell out anything even for a trial without even knowing what I was supposed to get for the end product. The end result is something visual so I was expecting to see that. Again, maybe others don't but for a lot of us new to IM, even just the video side, that might be a lot more helpful.

Just my 2 cents.

My apologies! DUHHHH! I just realized that the 2nd video is the sample. That's what I get for skipping info. Also, thanks Alp for getting back to me and specifying that when I sent you a PM to get a better understanding of the product.

Forgive me for confusion

Thanks
1 reply

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BizWebMan 15 years ago

Hi Alp

Sent you a pm on 10/4, hope you got it ok .
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- Ken Strong 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by gonzo
  
  Hi Alp
  
  Sent you a pm on 10/4, hope you got it ok .
  
  He hasn't been back to this thread since February 27...
  
  Thanks
  
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Alp Bozkurt

15 years ago

Hey Guys,

I'm here but didn't answer for not bumping this thread. I didn't want to self promote in this thread.

I answered some of you with PM.

I've listened to your advices and fixed the sales page accordingly. The conversions is now not at what I like [1/40] but better than 1/100. There's much room for improvement.

-Gonzo: I replied back to you the same day:
[ to geebeeokay show details Apr 10 (4 days ago)]

Thank you all!

Thanks

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vistad

15 years ago

In face to face sales friendliness is a very important ingredient of success.
Avoid long sentences in the text. Assume the person reading it wants to get through it as quickly as possible. A phrase like 'you have lots to gain but little to lose' is preferable to 'you have little to lose, but lots to gain.'
Don't talk about articles you have, give the title of one such article and a twenty word synopsis if you have to.
Your sales page is critical so flex your budget to tune it over a period of time.

Thanks

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Help me improve my sales page

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