Pretty Please Critique My Direct Mail Sales Letter
Here's the letter:
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05-31-2012
Dear fellow business owner,
My name is Michael Mann owner of Excite Media, a local Dallas based marketing agency.
I'm sending you this letter to inform you of a time sensitive, once in a lifetime opportunity that will significantly increase your customer base and profits literally overnight.
Before you blow this off too quickly, there's a website I'd like you to check out first.
It's called www.mywebsite.com, and it's currently ranked on the first page of Google for 3 highly competitive search terms.
These search terms get searched over 500 times per month according to Google and a majority of these potential customers end up visiting this website.
The site was built in November and since March, the calls and emails have been significantly increasing from people inquiring about the service.
These are people who physically typed in and searched for "Laser Hair Removal in Dallas" or “Dallas Laser Hair Removal” or “Laser Hair Removal Dallas” so they are highly motivated and are ready to buy NOW!
What’s really crazy is that the website is only 50% complete, has a fake street address, and even contains incomprehensible text on some of its pages, yet it still churns out phone calls regularly from prospects requesting a consultation.
Just imagine what it could become once the site looks and feels like a real business is behind it and has been customized with your personal style, your photos and text, and your street address. The phone calls and emails could triple instantly.
This is a rare opportunity to take your business and profits to the next level.
Plus, since you offer other spa type services and products, this could easily be scaled up by up-selling these clients (or offering them a package deal). The sky is truly the limit.
It’s a proven fact that 88% of consumers go online first when searching for a local product or service.
If you're looking for a way to increase your online presence TODAY, and start bringing in an average of 20 to 30 new paying customers each month starting this month (June) all on complete autopilot, then give me a call immediately.
I'm leasing the website out to the first caller I get.
The leasing fee is $997 up front (first month) then $350 per month thereafter. This is a steal considering the time and money it would have costed you to build the site and get it to the first page of Google. Not only that, but the number of high quality leads this website spits out will give you a huge ROI (return on investment).
There is a 3 month minimum lease requirement, so no long-term commitments. If you get overwhelmed with customers you can cancel afterwards :-)
On our end, we will continue to do what we do in order for the website to maintain its high rankings. You can rest assured the website isn’t going anywhere.
Call me @ 555.555.6236 right now, before your competitor takes it from you. I've sent this letter to 17 other laser hair removal clinics and spas in the Dallas area as well, so this offer won't last long.
Strictly first come, first served.
Thank you for your time and I hope to speak with you soon.
Regards,
Michael Mann
Owner
Excite Media
P.S. - Think about it, how much profit do you make on a single laser hair removal customer for the first year? Just one or two customers each month pays your leasing fee.
P.P.S. - Call now and get your 4th month free.
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- Jack Trout
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