Please Critique My For Hire Page

It's not exactly exactly popping or sizzling with excitement is it Daniel?

And using the very basic WP theme is as Brian quite rightly pointed out, just about as bloody boring as it gets.

If your area of specialization is marketing, seriously, is this honestly the best you can come up with?

If you're into branding and positioning, helping other business owners and companies to connect with their target market, what do you think this website and sales message says about your capabilities or lack thereof?

The actual sales copy used is about as unimaginative as it gets.

What's wrong with daring to be different?

Thinking outside of the box?

Branding yourself in a unique fashion so people on visiting your site remember you?

Do you seriously, honestly believe anyone visiting your website and offer is going to feel inspired by your own marketing strategy?

Or do you think the overall effort is a little lackluster to say the very least?

Tell me, tell us below if you will, how you believe this is going to connect strongly with your target market' emotions? Why you believe people will feel so inspired by your wording used - they just cannot help themselves but to take your direct call to action. (?)

And further, do you really understand the frustration and pain felt by the market you're targeting because if so... this most certainly isn't apparent here. (?)

Where are your benefits?

What are your personal benefits? In other words, why should I give you my money to solve a problem I have? Why should I contact you?

What are you able to offer, which a visitor, a reader of your website can instantly latch on to? Only I'm not seeing anything here at all.

It's like a giant and ill designed giant business card merely stating... here's what I do, contact me. But you got to tell me or more precisely your specific target market why they should do so. Why should they feel compelled to contact you to take this to the next logical step?

What problem ultimately can you solve?

What is your # 1 unique and strongest benefit? Whack this over my head now. So it sinks into my consciousness. Help me to want to take action and feel a need to contact you over and above your competition who currently are your greatest threat (besides yourself).

And last but not least get rid of that, that and that. 'That' is an awful word to use in any sales copy. Delete it and often you won't change the meaning of your sentence structure. Or replace it with a better word which is more appropriate.

This again just tells me you haven't spent a lot of time or put a lot of thought into this. In other words you're sending out the wrong signal.

You can do better. Coming from someone who claims to know a thing or two about marketing overall, it's pretty bloody dreadful in fact.

Scrap it and start again or consult with somebody who can help you. This makes more logical sense, for clearly, you do not know what you're doing.


Mark Andrews

Daniel,

I'm writing this instead of phoning my mother,
so I think this is important.

Now that you're left with a gaping wound with salt poured into it...

here's some honey to heal it.

What you've got is an article, not salesmanship on the net.

Here's how to wake up your inner salesman.

Imagine that you are in front of your ideal client.
What would you say to her to get her to hire you if you
had only 30 seconds to pitch her?

Every single word is going to have to count or you are out of the game.

Right?

Now your mind suddenly becomes laser focused on what needs to be said.

Keep practising, in your mind, on pitching the magic sentence you would say to this
perfect prospect.

Remember, a sales message that works, works whether in person, on the phone, in print, online, radio, TV.

Correct thinking is the hardest job of all.

Best,
Ewen

Try imagining that you are talking to a friend of yours and you're explaining how you could help him with your service. Keep it conversational and honest (just as it would be naturally with a friend), put everything you feel he needs to know in there, and don't worry too much about how it sounds like. After you're done, let it rest for a day, and then go over it again and edit it. When you're done with that, read it out loud and see how it sounds.

Don't beat yourself up. Most copywriters write dozens of drafts till they come up with something they like. It's a process