When does it become offensive? Is this?
A sub-headline featured in my sales letter says this:
"How foolish would you feel if... you spent 1000s on advertising each month...
... and nothing on the rich vein of gold in your existing client base?"
Don't want to suggest they're foolish, but DO want to introduce the nasty little thought as a distinct possibility if they don't do take action on the idea.
I had it as:
"How foolish would you look if... you spent 1000s on advertising each month...
... and nothing on the rich vein of gold that is your existing client base?"
I changed "look" to "feel" because to me it takes it from, "people would think you're foolish, laughing at you behind your back" (offensive) to "privately, you would feel foolish but you can do something to prevent it."
Your thoughts?
"How foolish would you feel if... you spent 1000s on advertising each month...
... and nothing on the rich vein of gold in your existing client base?"
Don't want to suggest they're foolish, but DO want to introduce the nasty little thought as a distinct possibility if they don't do take action on the idea.
I had it as:
"How foolish would you look if... you spent 1000s on advertising each month...
... and nothing on the rich vein of gold that is your existing client base?"
I changed "look" to "feel" because to me it takes it from, "people would think you're foolish, laughing at you behind your back" (offensive) to "privately, you would feel foolish but you can do something to prevent it."
Your thoughts?
Cheers,
Elion Makkink
Become an SEO Hustler too at seohustlers.com
Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.