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Criticize Me. Tell Me What's Wrong With This Squeeze Page!

by DerekMadden
8 replies
I am very close to sending some Solo's to this Squeeze Page, just needing to know if there are any tweaks I need to make in it.

This will be the first list in this niche for me and I want to make sure that it is good to go!

Thanks,

http://www.unlimitedmarketer.com/Index.html
#criticize #page #squeeze #wrong
  • Profile picture of the author Tinkerbell
    Change "learn" to discover. Or find out. Learn indicates a need to work. People might be allergic to it.

    Do your squeeze pages work this good? Find out how I get 80 out of 100 people to willingly give me their email address.

    -- just an idea.
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  • Profile picture of the author Thomas Michal
    Why don't you just use your secret method to make it convert near 80%?
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    • Profile picture of the author SpikeS
      Originally Posted by Thomas Michal View Post

      Why don't you just use your secret method to make it convert near 80%?

      He has a point. Plus your headline is wrong. Your conversion rate isn't 80%, it's 78.4%, so already you give the I mpression of being disingenuous. The headline could also be better, IMHO.
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      • Profile picture of the author DerekMadden
        Originally Posted by SpikeS View Post

        He has a point. Plus your headline is wrong. Your conversion rate isn't 80%, it's 78.4%, so already you give the I mpression of being disingenuous. The headline could also be better, IMHO.
        If you read the copy, it says "near 80%"
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        • Profile picture of the author SpikeS
          Originally Posted by DerekMadden View Post

          If you read the copy, it says "near 80%"
          when talking conversions, a 1.6% difference is potentially huge, depending on what your converting. Of course when we're talking giving something away for free, not so much. So with that in mind its best, as Claude Hopkins states in his brilliant books, to be specific. This way you'll be more believable.
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  • Profile picture of the author markpocock
    Add a second sentence that brings the benefit back to the reader.

    Is your promise believable?

    Add some teasing bullets.
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    Get a FREE 20 minute consultation on your sales letter. Contact me today
    And have the secrets A-List Copywriters - David Garfinkel & Parris Lampropoulos
    use in their multimillion dollar promotions
    www.markpocock.com

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  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    i second Mark's answer....

    here's an older optin i did... but it backs
    up what mark said about bullets...

    http://www.fitness-copy.com/merv-optin.html
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    MILLION Dollar Copywriter Offering Written Sales Letter or VSL Script Worth $5,000 - Just $500!
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  • Profile picture of the author ThomasOMalley
    You need some powerful bullets and some more copy.
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