Short Promo/Solicitation; Would Appreciate Comments
This comes at the end of a "Homepage Evaluation Quiz" that visitors have opted to read after a brief email solicitation. They likely have discovered that their "we, our, me, us"-centric homepage needs work and after making suggestions as to how to do it themselves, I come to the rescue with my offer.
Obviously, I want it to be persuasive but, being B2B, I didn't want to go overboard on the copy. As always, thanks in advance for your thoughts.
Jerry
(last paragraphs of quiz)
"Less than 12: Don't worry; nothing's broken that can't be fixed. Just use the questions above as a checklist and correct those things that need correcting. Keep in mind that capturing your reader's attention and keeping him on your site is a fairly new skill. And it's a very different skill than those possessed by most of the folks who design and build websites. If you're feeling really stuck or stressed, consider consulting with a professional web copywriter to give you some ideas, or even re-write the whole page for you."
Did You Score Under 12 on This Quiz?
"If so, you're probably losing visitors faster than a buttered bullet. If you invest in only one aspect of your business this year, make it your homepage. Keeping visitors on your site, attracting them to your place of business, gathering names for regular emails--this is the way successful businesses are harnessing the power of the web to dramatically increase profits today."
(promo starts here)
Here's An Offer You Can't Afford To Refuse
I'd like to introduce myself to you and I can't think of a better way to wrangle an invitation to your store than to offer you something of great value. So here goes...
You'll start with a one-on-one consultation with me so we can plan our approach together...define your ideal customer and figure out what motivates them, makes them smile. And when your page is finished, I'm not...not until you are 100% satisfied with your new homepage.
Call me right now at the number below or send me an email to reserve you spot. Only 10 lucky business owners will get a new homepage at this low price, then its back to the regular price of $500. I'm looking forward to finally meeting you!
Jerry G.
Freelance Copywriter
Broad Ripple Village, USA
phone
email
Obviously, I want it to be persuasive but, being B2B, I didn't want to go overboard on the copy. As always, thanks in advance for your thoughts.
Jerry
(last paragraphs of quiz)
"Less than 12: Don't worry; nothing's broken that can't be fixed. Just use the questions above as a checklist and correct those things that need correcting. Keep in mind that capturing your reader's attention and keeping him on your site is a fairly new skill. And it's a very different skill than those possessed by most of the folks who design and build websites. If you're feeling really stuck or stressed, consider consulting with a professional web copywriter to give you some ideas, or even re-write the whole page for you."
Did You Score Under 12 on This Quiz?
"If so, you're probably losing visitors faster than a buttered bullet. If you invest in only one aspect of your business this year, make it your homepage. Keeping visitors on your site, attracting them to your place of business, gathering names for regular emails--this is the way successful businesses are harnessing the power of the web to dramatically increase profits today."
(promo starts here)
Here's An Offer You Can't Afford To Refuse
I'd like to introduce myself to you and I can't think of a better way to wrangle an invitation to your store than to offer you something of great value. So here goes...
I'll re-write your homepage for only $150!
You'll get a warm, welcoming homepage that seduces your visitors like the wafting aroma of fresh-baked bread. A homepage that keeps them glued to your site and eager to learn more about the products and services you have to offer them. A homepage that inspires them to do something that leads to money in your bank account.You'll start with a one-on-one consultation with me so we can plan our approach together...define your ideal customer and figure out what motivates them, makes them smile. And when your page is finished, I'm not...not until you are 100% satisfied with your new homepage.
Call me right now at the number below or send me an email to reserve you spot. Only 10 lucky business owners will get a new homepage at this low price, then its back to the regular price of $500. I'm looking forward to finally meeting you!
Jerry G.
Freelance Copywriter
Broad Ripple Village, USA
phone
Andrew Gould