Anyone want to help with my radio script?

19 replies
Hey Copywriters,

I have decided to produce my latest radio ad myself as the station I'm looking to advertise on has decided to quote me crazy money. Equity voice over + production cost from thrid party is like 10% of what they are charging me.

This however means that I have to write the scrpt myself. Not a problem really since I have done this before and my own marketing for several years, but I have set myself the challenge of getting a more qualified lead call up to cut out the time wasters. A tough thing to do in 30 seconds worth of adspace and my script I have written so far is coming up about 8 seconds too long.

We offer a distance learning training programme with a work placement at the end (we dont charge companies a recruitment fee so have more jobs available than qualified candidates).

Can any help spice this ad up and shave about 8 seconds off it? I'll give you a big sloppy wet kiss if you do!

script 1
Attention: The skills shortage in IT is getting worse!

The recession has made companies reluctant to spend money on training their staff creating a wealth of opportunities for certified IT technicians.

At xxxxxxxxx.co.uk we provide an into work training program that can take you from a basic pc user to the level of IT technician and guarantee to find you work or your money back.

Take lessons from home in your spare time and start your new career at your own pace. See for yourself with our free 7 day trial. Call xxxxxxxxxxx to talk directly with a trained career advisor or visit us online at xxxxxxxxx.co.uk.

script 2
Have you considered a career in IT?

Due to recent nationwide budget cuts, employers are no longer offering their staff training. This has led to an increasing skills gap with not enough certified IT technicians to fill the jobs.

At xxxxxxxxx.co.uk we provide an into work training programme that gets you the IT certificates that employers are looking for. You can study at home in your spare time and if we do not find you work once you qualify we will refund your training fee.

See for yourself with our free 7 day trial. Call xxxxxxxxxxxxx to talk directly with a trained career advisor or visit us online at xxxxxxxxxxxx.co.uk.


Many thanks
#radio #script
  • Profile picture of the author Aronya
    I took a shot at #1:
    Attention: The skills shortage in IT is getting worse, and the current recession is creating a wealth of opportunities for certified IT technicians.

    xxxxxxxxx.co.uk's work training program will take you from a basic pc user to the level of IT technician and guarantee to find you work or your money back.

    Train from home in your spare time and start your new career at your own pace. Take advantage of our free 7 day trial. Call xxxxxxxxxxx right now to talk directly with a trained career advisor or visit us online at xxxxxxxxx.co.uk.


    Maybe not great, but it should fit the time constraint. It really doesn't matter that companies aren't paying for training, so I snipped it. Cut a couple of other things a bit shorter, too.

    HTH,
    Tim

    ps I don't kiss on the first date, so...
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    Neither of those spots are particularly compelling, ___. (sorry, I don't know your name)

    I've written many :30 spots. 2 somewhat surprising things I've found are:

    A) It can be oddly ineffective to try and drive traffic to a URL, but the same spot will ring the phone off the hook (i guess you can chalk that up to drive time listeners grabbing their cell phone and not near a computer).

    B) Character driven (situation) spots often pull much better than dry reads.

    -----------------
    Character spot:
    -----------------

    (Sporty car revs and screeches to halt while jamming radio, door opens, music gets louder & closes, music mutes, friends begin talking)

    VOICE1: Wow, where'd you get the new wheels?

    VOICE2: I told you I was taking that advanced IT course at XXXXX... With the IT skills I've learned, I just landed a FAT new job... It was the best move I ever made

    VOICE1: Yeah, I can see you're doing WELL... So, how can *I* get started?

    VOICE2: Just call XXXXXXXX and talk directly with a trained IT career advisor. You can learn from home in your spare time and start your new IT career at your own pace.

    VOICE1: I'm calling right now, what's that number again?

    VOICE2: It's XXXXXXXXX. Call now at XXXXXX

    ------------------
    End of spot
    ------------------

    Hold the sloppy wet kiss...

    Best,

    Brian
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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    For a 30s spot you have a short time and you have to be sure about
    what you are really selling. I think you are trying to sell to much in
    the ad. Sell the NUMBER to call and the URL, not the problem and
    opportunity. With radio ads you have to repeat the most desired
    action several times because people have to get a pen and write
    it down.

    So I would just use a teaser ad to get them to call and then use the
    website and phone message to do the selling.

    So something like ... "The fall in the economy has opened a great opportunity for
    those who want to train as an IT specialist. Call XXXXXXX now to find out how
    blah blah blah or visit xxxxx.com.

    No blah blah blah necessary. Call XXXXXXX now to find out how
    blah blah blah or visit xxxxx.com.

    Special 7 day FREE trial for the first XX callers. Call XXXXXXX now to find out how
    blah blah blah or visit xxxxx.com.

    You want to give your biggest benefit and then repeat the number and
    URL several times.

    -Ray Edwards
    Signature
    The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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  • Profile picture of the author GuerrillaIM
    Cheers Brian. That is actually almost identical to an ad I ran previously. My domain name is really easy to remember and I find that about 20-30% of my response comes through the site. I think a lot of our target market are sitting next to a computer with the internet while the ad plays and the landing page seems to work well.

    I'm not a radio marketing expert, all I know is what increases my response and this is mainly the benefits and guarantee's I offer, as well as pointing out we're not just a call centre sending out brochures but the person answering the phone is fully trained about over 1000 courses and their pre-requisites as well as how they are currently being received in the workplace. I'm maybe trying to convey too much in 30 seconds where previous ads have just focused on one point.

    Ray, I think you have hit the nail on the head there! Now pukka up!
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    • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
      Originally Posted by GuerrillaIM View Post

      Cheers Brian. That is actually almost identical to an ad I ran previously.
      : ) That's funny but not surprising, really. It's a proven formula. It also works well when you have 2 or 3 other similar spots in rotation that tap on other related emotions -- former co-workers talking about one getting a new job, family situations (wife proud of husband's new success, parent proud of son making good), etc.

      Additionally - and I'm sure you know - reps make a big difference (repetitions). It can sometimes take a fair amount of time before a spot "takes" and really shows its true performance. Some of the spots I've written eventually more than DOUBLED their initial response, over time. And of course spots I thought were probably dogs -- too cheesy or whatever - wound up performing great.

      I don't like to think about spots I was sure were winners that sucked eggs... Too painful. ; )

      My domain name is really easy to remember and I find that about 20-30% of my response comes through the site. I think a lot of our target market are sitting next to a computer with the internet while the ad plays and the landing page seems to work well.
      So the OTHER 70-80% are calling in then? Just trying to make sure I understand what you mean.

      It makes perfect sense for your target market of aspiring computer techs to be more likely to tune into a URL call to action. And your point about your domain being really easy to remember is super important. Catchy is good but easy to remember is better.

      I'm reminded of (I think it was) Paul Colligan's GetAJob/GotAJob MTV spring break story... One company spent a FORTUNE driving traffic to Paul's(?) website instead of their own based on ONE letter in the url being different... Everybody remembered the wrong URL!

      I'm not a radio marketing expert, all I know is what increases my response and this is mainly the benefits and guarantee's I offer, as well as pointing out we're not just a call centre sending out brochures but the person answering the phone is fully trained about over 1000 courses and their pre-requisites as well as how they are currently being received in the workplace. I'm maybe trying to convey too much in 30 seconds where previous ads have just focused on one point.
      A :30 spot is hard banger with very little time for conveying much more than your most significant benefit or selling position.

      Keep us posted.

      Best,

      Brian
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    • Profile picture of the author Raydal
      Originally Posted by GuerrillaIM View Post

      Cheers Brian. That is actually almost identical to an ad I ran previously. My domain name is really easy to remember and I find that about 20-30% of my response comes through the site. I think a lot of our target market are sitting next to a computer with the internet while the ad plays and the landing page seems to work well.

      I'm not a radio marketing expert, all I know is what increases my response and this is mainly the benefits and guarantee's I offer, as well as pointing out we're not just a call centre sending out brochures but the person answering the phone is fully trained about over 1000 courses and their pre-requisites as well as how they are currently being received in the workplace. I'm maybe trying to convey too much in 30 seconds where previous ads have just focused on one point.

      Ray, I think you have hit the nail on the head there! Now pukka up!
      I love Brian's ad as well. The dialogue should get attention and
      you should have some fun working out the sound effects. It will
      be interesting to hear about the response you get.

      -Ray Edwards
      Signature
      The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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      • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
        Originally Posted by Raydal View Post

        I love Brian's ad as well. The dialogue should get attention and you should have some fun working out the sound effects. It will
        be interesting to hear about the response you get.

        -Ray Edwards
        Thanks, Ray! I liked your treatement as well.

        Very direct, benefit laden and succinct. It's a "Goldilocks" spot - not too hot (over hyped)... not too cold (boring or bland)... it's just right!

        Moreover, I'm not sure my treatment gets to the OP's other objective which is to attract better qualified prospects. A dry read may prove more effective for that.

        Only one way to know!

        COPYWRITING CHICKENFIGHT!

        LOL

        Best,

        Brian
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  • Profile picture of the author GuerrillaIM
    I'm going to run a split test one with an add like Brian's, and one with an Ad like ray's. If I remember i'll post results.
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  • Profile picture of the author GuerrillaIM
    Yes, the majority of enquiries come by telephone but adding the website seems to help my response rate. I think some people are initially a bit sacred to talk to people but quite happy filling out a form on a website.

    I've got 2 weeks booked of advertising. I was thinking of running one ad one week, then another ad the second week. Is there a better way to split test? The station can rotate ads however I want.
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    • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
      Originally Posted by GuerrillaIM View Post

      Yes, the majority of enquiries come by telephone but adding the website seems to help my response rate. I think some people are initially a bit sacred to talk to people but quite happy filling out a form on a website.

      I've got 2 weeks booked of advertising. I was thinking of running one ad one week, then another ad the second week. Is there a better way to split test? The station can rotate ads however I want.
      With a spot targetting callers, it's easy to use a different toll-free number for each spot or station/network. URL can be a little trickier.

      I think you may be best served by doing what you were thinking about and just running them against each other week to week.

      But bear in mind, building up reps take TIME. 1 week may not be long enough to give you statistically valid results, except in the case that NO ONE calls. Then you can fling poo at us and we'll blame your production and the market.

      ; )

      Best,

      Brian
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  • Profile picture of the author GuerrillaIM
    Results are in. I did the "nice wheels" ad the first week and a more complete script from raydal but along similar lines the second week. Reach was 1.4 million and OTH 4.8.

    Anyone wanna guess which ad pulled the best?
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    • Profile picture of the author Raydal
      Originally Posted by GuerrillaIM View Post

      Results are in. I did the "nice wheels" ad the first week and a more complete script from raydal but along similar lines the second week. Reach was 1.4 million and OTH 4.8.

      Anyone wanna guess which ad pulled the best?

      I'm all ears ... thanks for reporting.

      -Ray Edwards
      Signature
      The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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  • Profile picture of the author Dean Martin
    1. Loved this thread and the good input. I've written a bunch of radio spots in the past - very few that killed.

    2. Guess which ad pulled best? I think the second week did better - not because it was a better ad but because of the repetition factor. Only fair test would be a third week of alternating ads and a different phone # in each.
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  • Profile picture of the author GuerrillaIM
    The "nice wheels" ad unfortunately had quite a low response rate. First 3 days of ad and no calls at all which was unusual.

    I was very surprised at this as I liked the ad and production on it was good also, my guy at the radio station gave me his 2 cents, he said he felt that maybe our target market right now aren't thinking about flashy cars and more about survival.

    I actually pulled this ad a day early as I know from experience I should have had much more calls. As soon as I switched over to the second ad there was an instant spike in calls.

    I came up with a third ad that focused on average salary in IT and my money back guarantees. I also got a lady with a really sexy voice to read it (all previous ads were male), this went live today and we received the most calls today since campaign started.

    Not exactly a controlled test but the low response of the first ad surprised me. It is arguably more interesting to listen to but I think it lacked a solid offer. Im running my latest ad on a new station next week so I can compare how the response is in first few days.
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    • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
      Nice wheels = no deals, eh?

      Ah well, they can't all be winners.

      Ray wins the chickenfight, then gets knocked out by the sexy broad.

      Who'd a thunk it.

      Sure would like to hear the spots.
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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    Like Brian I would like to hear the actual ads as well.
    I liked Brian's ad as well and this shows that what you
    'like' and what works can be night and day apart.

    .. and sexy ladies have been beating men for ages!

    -Ray Edwards
    Signature
    The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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  • Profile picture of the author GuerrillaIM
    I think with Brians ad it might have picked up had I given it more time and repetitions. The radio guy said he thought it would be great as part of a top and tail ad. Brians ad comes on at beginning of adbreak and then a quick ad comes on at end of adbreak that mentions a couple of the guarantees. Unfortunately these are expensive and the army has them pretty much all booked up.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mark McClure
      Guerrilla,

      I came up with a third ad that focused on average salary in IT and my money back guarantees. I also got a lady with a really sexy voice to read it (all previous ads were male), this went live today and we received the most calls today since campaign started.
      FWIW, I had a long innings (gives me away, old chap!) in IT and, when not ghostwriting and copywriting these days, spend some time career coaching chaps and chapettes in the IT world.

      Is your target market predominantly male, 20s, likes gadgets, gaming and most anything to do with the Net? If so, that may explain the sexy voice response - does the station give listener demographics and psychographics for their audience on specific progs?

      Also, in the gloomy UK jobs market, perhaps the "cash is king" message is resonating strongly now in the minds of many. And, if the official stats support it, you have a strong card to play with "average IT starting salary is X % higher than...." kind of approach.

      Another angle might be the dream job approach e.g. finding work as a junior programmer or computer tech at a games company. If you've placed course graduates in jobs with gaming companies then you have an obvious into what might happen if they get some certs and work their way up. (I've a mate now the IT director of one of the world's largest MMORPG companies - massively multiplayer online roleplaying games - he started as a tech. Took years to get to the current position. But that's the nature of dreams..)

      OT & semi-shameless plugology - I'm a Cisco CCIE and do some web content writing and copywriting for selected tech companies. See my sig :-)
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  • Profile picture of the author GuerrillaIM
    Hi Mark,

    Yes, the type of person you describe there is a perfect candidate. Really any C1 or C2 male aged 25-35 is an ideal prospect. Typically they will have above average IT skills from frequent use of PC as a hobby. The super net savvy online game player type can be a little frustrating though as they spend a couple of weeks consulting about which course to take then buy a pirated version of some training materials off ebay for £5.

    The station has the highest percentage of young males in London as it plays a lot of electro beat / hip hop music.

    The IT industry has some great press right now. The papers are full of articles about staff being replaced with automated IT systems. We also do software development and its a great angle to sell a contract as the development pays for itself with saved salary expense. Also now as the dollar is dominating the pound it has shifted the goal posts making offshore IT companies a little less competitive within the UK.

    Thanks for shameless plug, you don't ask, you don't get. Would be interested to get a price for cisco related articles for my cisco training website.
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