NEW Sales Copy... What Are Your Thoughts?

by Valeriu Popescu

Posted: 15 years ago 14 replies

COPY WRITING

Hello Warriors...

I've just launched my new book, and although I thought the copy is
somehow good, I'd like to know your opinion and how to improve it!

- For example, I don't like too much the headline, need to come up
with another one.

- Also, is the sales way tooooooo long?

- Do you think the price is right?

- The guarantee: should I increase it to 365 days?

Here's the link:

-> Web 2.0 Joint Venture Secrets Exposed System

Any critique or advise would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

Val

#copy #sales #thoughts

nitrolyzer 15 years ago

Do you believe that someone's gonna bother to read the whole thing?
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- Valeriu Popescu 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by nitrolyzer
  
  Do you believe that someone's gonna bother to read the whole thing?
  
  Nope, but enough to make them purchase!
  
  Val
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  
  >>> Partner In Profits => Learn How To Find JV Partners and Super-Affiliates From Scratch!
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  >>> Internet Marketing Profits Secrets Revealed => Help You Start A Profitable Home Based Business On A Shoestring Budget.
  
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  nitrolyzer 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Valeriu Popescu
  
  Nope, but enough to make them purchase!
  
  Val
  
  Let's hope things turn out the way you wan them to...
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  Valeriu Popescu 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by nitrolyzer
  
  Let's hope things turn out the way you wan them to...
  
  *Hope* have nothing to do with marketing. That's why i'm a testing fanatic.
  
  And I need to re-phrase my previous statement: the sales letter had to be enough long to make the purchase decision much easier.
  
  Thanks,
  
  Val
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  
  >>> Partner In Profits => Learn How To Find JV Partners and Super-Affiliates From Scratch!
  >>> Local Internet Marketing Services => We offer: Local Maps Submission, Internet Marketing Consulting, SEO and SMM services.
  >>> Internet Marketing Profits Secrets Revealed => Help You Start A Profitable Home Based Business On A Shoestring Budget.
  
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  nitrolyzer 15 years ago
  
  long sales letters do not always work as a sales trigger if you know what I mean...
  
  Thanks
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[598140].message }}
Valeriu Popescu 15 years ago

You're right nitrolyzer! That's why I take it as a starting point to something new that will come down the road based on people reviews, thoughts, opinions... and other tests.

Val
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Signature

>>> Partner In Profits => Learn How To Find JV Partners and Super-Affiliates From Scratch!
>>> Local Internet Marketing Services => We offer: Local Maps Submission, Internet Marketing Consulting, SEO and SMM services.
>>> Internet Marketing Profits Secrets Revealed => Help You Start A Profitable Home Based Business On A Shoestring Budget.
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Charles3k 15 years ago

I do have to agree that it is a very long sales copy.

The price is good.

Guarantee I would not increase to a year.
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KenThompson 15 years ago

Hello Val,

I was curious about your copy and checked it out. I'd like to offer my take on things.

Yes, I agree about the headline. It needs to be reworked for several reasons. You're welcome to contact me, and I'll offer my input about it.

Go with the 1 year guarantee because it implies confidence in your product, encourages people to relax about the purchase... if only a little, and people tend to refund less with longer guarantee periods.

I think the price is a bit high.

It's a long sales letter, but it can be made shorter and tightened-up. I think there are some areas that could be made shorter. Bottom line, as you know, is to use the right amount of copy to make your case. And if it's long, then it's long.

One area I would suggest you try to shorten are the chapter descriptions. You can definitely make them shorter and still convey powerful benefits. Just a thought about that.

One other thing I'd like to mention...

Overall, the copy is a bit of a visual assault. What I mean is it is very, very busy. Lots of colors all over the place. I really like that header a lot and the overall web 2-oh thing you have going on.

But all those bits and pieces of colors all over the place are distracting and create a tension, in me at least.

Very well done, though, with the graphics, etc.

Take care, Val.
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- 1 reply
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- Dean Dhuli 15 years ago
  
  Well, this is similar to numerous other IM sales letter that I've seen
  -- no proper structure and lack of flow in the copy.
  
  And if you think that the main reason for having a loooooooooong letter
  is that people will get tired of reading the entire thing and buy fast,
  then you're mistaken.
  
  Agreed, having too much information does not hurt. But all the information
  must be structured properly into the letter so that it does not bore the reader
  and make him click away.
  
  Your copy does mention a few important things, but it just goes on and on
  in some places and could easily tire the reader out.
  
  I'm just trying to help you, so I hope you'll take this in the right spirit and
  re-evaluate your copy again.
  
  Thanks,
  Dean Dhuli.
  
  Thanks
  
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Valeriu Popescu 15 years ago

Thank you Ken and Dean, you hit the things that also concerned me.

As I previously stated, this is a start for the sales letter. Now I have to
see what to cut off and what to keep. And that's the hardest part!

Thanks guys,

Val
- Thanks
- 1 reply
Signature

>>> Partner In Profits => Learn How To Find JV Partners and Super-Affiliates From Scratch!
>>> Local Internet Marketing Services => We offer: Local Maps Submission, Internet Marketing Consulting, SEO and SMM services.
>>> Internet Marketing Profits Secrets Revealed => Help You Start A Profitable Home Based Business On A Shoestring Budget.
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- Nick Brighton 15 years ago
  
  I'd say that the headline needs serious attention. There's no hook, no immediate clarity of the offer, and no obvious benefit.
  
  The line "Get in on this before the Guru's do" is not only terribly cliche and cheesy, but also means nothing.
  
  I'd also look at breaking up the text as it looks heavy before the first sub headline. I can see the offer, but I had to pick out bits and pieces to work out what it was.
  
  It does seem a little long, but length is not an issue...it's what MAKES it seem long that counts (dull copy, too much text, lack of focus, lack of flow etc).
  
  I think the more you include in sales copy the better...there's no such thing as being too long or short, just that you include everything to overcome objections and ultimately convert the prospect.
  
  So, in summary...
  
  Work the headline, work the flow, work the structure.
  
  You've got all the good stuff in there (call to action, proof, a sound offer etc)...you just need to clean it up and weave it together a little more powerfully.
  
  Thanks
  
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Valeriu Popescu 15 years ago

Thank you guys for your thoughts, you are ALL great!

Based on your input I redesign my entry - including Pre Headline, the Headline
and Sub Headline.

I think it's better now, but I'll continue to test it.

Val
- Thanks
Signature

>>> Partner In Profits => Learn How To Find JV Partners and Super-Affiliates From Scratch!
>>> Local Internet Marketing Services => We offer: Local Maps Submission, Internet Marketing Consulting, SEO and SMM services.
>>> Internet Marketing Profits Secrets Revealed => Help You Start A Profitable Home Based Business On A Shoestring Budget.
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Adaptive 15 years ago

Val, the first thing I notice is that you give contradictory messages about what the audience already knows.

You say to "forget everything you know about JV" but then you also "define what a JV is." So are you writing to people who are new to JV's? People who have been burned by JV's? People who felt intimidated by JV's?

And it's for newbies, who should remember back to their missed opportunity more than 10 years ago. Huh?

Next I went back to the top headline: "Do this or die?" Really? C'mon, that's ridiculous.

Another contradiction: you must get in now, but any moment everyone will know how to do this and it won't be worth any money.

When you get to the price, prices are added up and crossed off for no apparent reason in a manner that left me dizzy.

Just more piled on and confusing from there... I felt like I was offered a sundae with bbq sauce and ranch dressing.

The offer itself may be superb, but if not exposed through your request for a review, I'd have given up on this one because of the rambling and contradictory nature of the sales letter.

Sorry to be so harsh, because the idea of a course about how to do Web 2.0 joint ventures is actually intriguing to me.

Regards,
Allen
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- 1 reply
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- Valeriu Popescu 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Adaptive
  
  Sorry to be so harsh, because the idea of a course about how to do Web 2.0 joint ventures is actually intriguing to me.
  Regards,
  Allen
  
  Hi Allen,
  
  Sorry for the delay on this response, I've been pretty busy.
  
  You were NOT hash, that's why I post here in WF... to receive
  great reviews. And you had right on all you said.
  
  I re-arrange things and just upload a new version of my sales
  letter. I think it's much better now.
  
  Still on my way to find another great headline...
  
  Thanks,
  
  Val
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  >>> Partner In Profits => Learn How To Find JV Partners and Super-Affiliates From Scratch!
  >>> Local Internet Marketing Services => We offer: Local Maps Submission, Internet Marketing Consulting, SEO and SMM services.
  >>> Internet Marketing Profits Secrets Revealed => Help You Start A Profitable Home Based Business On A Shoestring Budget.
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[688486].message }}

NEW Sales Copy... What Are Your Thoughts?

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