Rate my press release, please

by SynapticWave

Posted: 12 years ago 19 replies

COPY WRITING

Hello, warriors!

My name is Kate and I am a part of Synaptic Wave iOS dev team. We plan to release a new game in a week or two and to issue a press release about it. Please, read it and post your comments. English is not my first language, so I'd also appreciate if you pointed out mistakes. Chances are these weren't intentional.

One last notice: we'll distribute the release through prMac, so I suppose that I shouldn't add 'game for iPhone' to the headline. Am I right?

Thank you in advance!

[Headline]
Announcing Charge the Zombie - an action-arcade mix ready to enchant you

[Summary]
Synaptic Wave is happy to announce the release of Charge the Zombie, its outstanding game for iPhone, iPad and iPod. Charge the Zombie isn't limited with one genre only. It's a masterful combination of an arcade, action and strategy game. You will plan out your rounds carefully, choose the path to develop your weapons, and enjoy the intensive electric action of countless Charge the Zombie rounds. This innovative mix excites almost everyone from new iDevice adopters to long time evangelists.

[Body]
[Summary repeated - should we do this?]

The first and the most important highlight of Charge the Zombie is the elegant way it combines strategic thinking and rapid action. You will get all the time you need to explore special weapons and new skills, compare different opportunities and roads to go by and choose the best one between the rounds. But as soon as you will call a new round your time for picky strategizing will be over. You'll find yourself in the thick of blietzkrieg. That's when you'll have to summon all your swiftness or else you'll drown in brainthirsty waves of zombies.

An immense replayability is the second strong point of Charge the Zombie. You'll never get bored with its rounds as you'll always face something new. Various zombies with quirky skills and dangerous weapons will invent different tactics and they will bunch up to keep you on toes. Each time you play you'll be delighted with a novel approach and new challenges.

Another highlight is the variety of roads to choose. You'll get numerous power-ups, from special weapons to useful passive abilities. A powerful death ray, fatal toxic mines, instant time freeze and a devastating earthquake are all here to make slashing the zombies effective and exciting. Moreover, the specials are all upgradable. Prepare to have a tough choice between increasing the speed of energy recovering and upgrading an E-Storm to the next level.

And there's one more thing about Charge the Zombie, something that connects all the features to create an exciting game. Charge the Zombie has a unique atmosphere of fun and vigor. The cunning cartoony zombies, the green battlelawn and the leaning house appeal to almost all the gamers of any age. We've spiced the game up with spectacular visuals and energetic music - all to keep you entertained for hours.

If you want to impress your readers and introduce them to the beautiful world invaded by mischievous zombies, don't hesitate to contact us for a promocode.

Device requirements:
* iOS ??
* iPhone, iPod, iPad ??
* MB ??

Pricing and availability:
Charge the Zombie is available for $?? or equivalent.

Links to our screenshots, landing page, etc.

Company info

###

Contact info

#press #rate #release

hero001 Banned 12 years ago

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angiecolee 12 years ago

You're describing a zombie game with words like "elegant". There's a huge disconnect. I feel no excitement over this, and in fact skipped over most of it. You could probably cut this by as much as a third or half and just put the relevant information in, and have a much tighter, more interesting release.
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twersk 12 years ago

It's good. Make sure you check out the pr's at PR Web and get ideas from them too.
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SynapticWave 12 years ago

Angie and Brad, thank you for sharing your knowledge with me and for being so friendly.
- Thanks
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Ninja Ana 12 years ago

For me add intense on your headline instead of using the word " Charge the Zombie" use " Attack the Zombie" and make your body short don't repeat the summary. Just an opinion.
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- SynapticWave 12 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Ninja Ana
  
  ... instead of using the word " Charge the Zombie" use " Attack the Zombie"
  
  It's the game name, so I cannot change it. Thank you for advising to skip the summary out of the body part. I've read several How-to's on press releases and sometimes these advised contrary things and generally left me confused. So I'm really grateful about that summary part.
  
  And I've got that my press release should be shorter. Could I update the post with a new version? Or is it too much to ask for?
  
  Offtopic: how can I thank you? I've got thanked by someone and I've seen many thanks on the forum and there's even a thank counter in the info. However, I couldn't figure out how to actually thank someone and the help section isn't really helpful here.
  
  Thanks
  
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angiecolee 12 years ago

There's a button on the bottom right of the post - you can click that to give members thanks.

A couple good things to keep in mind for PR:

- there are always two audiences, the reporter/PR service, and the target audience you hope will buy the product. You want the PR people just as excited about the product as the audience is.

- there should always be a newsworthy element. People make announcements all the time, but rarely are they something to get excited about. Announcements don't really make people get out their wallets. Consider tying this PR to something going on in the world. Someone posted a very cool zombies-in-New-York ad last week. There's also a lot of stuff going on with American TV and cinema regarding zombies.

- as mentioned above, shorter is better. Just try to make sure every word pulls its weight. Don't repeat the summary - the summary should be a brief overview of what's going on in the PR, and is usually the last thing I write when doing PR pieces.

- it's always better to show rather than tell. Don't tell me I'll love this game if you can explain the things that will make me love this game and let me come to that conclusion myself.

- and make sure the language matches the subject. I don't associate zombie killing with "enchanting" and "elegant".

Hopefully this helps. If you want to post a revised version, it's probably best to start a new thread.
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- SynapticWave 12 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by angiecolee
  
  A couple good things to keep in mind for PR:
  
  You're my hero. Thank you a lot for sharing this in a few concise points. It seems that I've read too much about press releases and was overwhelmed with the new information. And now it starts making sense. Thank you again.
  
  [ 1 ] Thanks
  
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Kyle Rude

12 years ago

Maybe he feels as if his zombie game is a little more prestigious than the other games. That's probably why he used the two words zombie and elegant together. Though you do look like an expert analyst.

Thanks
1 reply

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SynapticWave

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Kyle Rude

Hi Kyle,

My name is Kate, nice to meet you. No offense, I just don't like to be called 'he'.

I don't think that our game is prestigious. It's a little different from many zombie games as it has cartoony and rather Disney-style graphics. The zombies are not of horror movie type, they're closer to the Plants vs. Zombies type. Hope that makes sense for you. But it doesn't mean that Charge the Zombie is better than all the other zombie games. All it means is that I've used a really inappropriate word. And I've already got rid of it in the updated version of our press release.

Thanks

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TheWrightWords 12 years ago

Honestly, the "elegant" jumped outat me too, it is a disconnect with the rest of the game. Kill the "you"s too, a release is usually better in 3rd person.
While a press release is news, not sales copy, you'd do well to punch up at least the summary paragraph. The game is fast paced? You need sharp, short, active copy to relay this.
I'd go this way:

Not your Grandma's Zombies!
The walking dead just got a little swifter and a little smarter in Charge the Zombie, the newest release from Synpatic Wave.
Players need all their wits to slash their way through and survive the deluge of zombies in this non-stop action adventure blah,blah blah...more about the game.....blahblahblahour contact info....
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- SynapticWave 12 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by TheWrightWords
  
  You need sharp, short, active copy to relay this.
  
  Thank you for adding an example to your advice. I've read so many Someone is glad to anoounce... releases, and now I suddenly see that I don't have to follow this pattern and can think outside the box. Thank you for inspiring me!
  
  Thanks
  
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SynapticWave

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill

Back up and punt.

Hi Ken,

I'm afraid that I didn't really get your point. Is this press release too bad to be improved with some redacting? I could definitely write a new one.

Should I give up on writing press releases? I'm afraid that I won't. We're a small dev studio, not EA games. So I'm afraid that we cannot afford your service. It'd be better to say that we cannot afford any of the Warriors yet so we have to do it on our own.

I want to learn. If I didn't I'd write something like a generic prMac release. Developed with entertainment in mind... Additionally, the game includes 12 types of zombies and no-one-cares-how-much types of special weapons... and the same kind of boring stuff.

Instead, I do my best in writing our release. I spend time reading the rules, guides and how-to's, studying other releases, writing and re-writing the mine one, and posting it to this forum. So I'm pretty serious about it all. Yes, I'm not as good as (I believe) you are. But you're a professional. I suppose that you've written so much more than I have. You've got the skills and my 'high school sophomore's attempt' may seem funny and amateur for you. But he that never climbed never fell. I hope that I will become better and will be able to write decent press releases. So I'll keep doing my best.

Sorry for writing such a long answer. TL;DR: just wanted to let you know that I won't give up and will stick here.

Thanks
2 replies

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travlinguy

12 years ago

Originally Posted by SynapticWave

Writing press releases isn't hard but it does take some study and practice. The question is, why would you want to? This comes down to knowing your audience and gamers aren't exactly the kind of people who surf the Internet looking for press releases on the latest Zombie game.

You'd be far better served to become a respected member of some of the top sites where gamers, especially those interested in Zombies hang out. In my opinion you're spending valuable time on something that won't give you much at all in return. Good luck.

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SynapticWave

12 years ago

Originally Posted by travlinguy

The question is, why would you want to? This comes down to knowing your audience and gamers aren't exactly the kind of people who surf the Internet looking for press releases on the latest Zombie game.

Hi,

I know that ordinary people don't read press releases. Personally, when I want to find out anything I stick to the news sites or forums. And I don't know anyone who would prefer a press release to an article on, let's say, his favourite blog. But journalists on these blogs read press releases.

I've read 'Perfect pitch' by Erica Sadun and Steven Sande. It's a book written for software and hardware developers. Erica says that they do read releases. And I hope that I can rely on her words.

We don't put all our eggs in one basket. Of course, we speak to people on forums. And we establish personal contacts with bloggers and game journalists. And with other developers, too. Writing and sending press releases won't harm it at all.

Thanks
1 reply

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travlinguy

12 years ago

Originally Posted by SynapticWave

Yes, press releases get read. But for the majority most of them get lost in all the ridiculous noise out there. It's likely that every day there are hundreds of thousands of poorly-written releases spammed out with the sole purpose of getting backlinks. I've seen posts on the main board where people ask how to spin a press release. Ugh.

If you really want to get your release noticed write one that's letter perfect and send it to relevant newspapers and magazines, radio and TV, trade journals, etc., along with a professionally produced media kit. That's something worth doing. Good luck.

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SynapticWave 12 years ago

Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill

First, get an AP Stylebook if you're going to learn to write press releases.

Ken, thank you. I've got a copy of Associated Press Stylebook now.

I'm revising my release according to your advice.

Finally, I knew that I should've put a smile in my previous answer. I'm not hurt or embarrassed at all. Maybe I've got too used to the game devs' forums. Many people cannot accept critique and stick with their opinion no matter what they hear or read. I was trying to point out that I understand that you're a pro and I'm not, that it was me who created the thread, not you, and that you're generously spending your own time to help me and get nothing in return. I'm not sobbing and telling that you're a bunch of cruel arrogant guys and I'm a genius. That's what I've got tired of on the dev forums. I gladly accept your advice. And I want to thank you again. I didn't expect such an amount of friendliness and support.
- Thanks
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uberguru Banned 12 years ago

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- IMNomad 12 years ago
  
  Hi Kate,
  
  The first line didn't catch me either, so I didn't want to continue reading. I don't write PR's, but I am engaged by pictures created by words, maybe this could give you some ideas, for example.
  
  orig:
  Synaptic Wave is happy to announce the release of Charge the Zombie, its outstanding game for iPhone, iPad and iPod.
  
  create a picture:
  Fresh out of the crypt, Charge the Zombie now roams the streets. It's Synaptic Wave's hottest/latest/most intuitive/engaging game for the iphone, ipad, and ipad.
  
  [ 1 ] Thanks
  
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Rate my press release, please

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