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Please critique this sales copy

by gmscreative
5 replies
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#copy #copywriting #critique #feedback #sales
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    The headline is clunky with no benefit or much of a clue to what you're offering. I read through to the body of the copy and still didn't know. This thing needs to be sent back to the drawing board.
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  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    Grant, for services generally over $100
    the primary call to action is to find out more,
    not to sell the whole thing
    in your ad.

    What you've got is a bad ad trying to sell the whole thing.

    Create a qualified lead, not a sale.

    Just seen a split test result when testing which would give the highest response...

    Moving forward to a positive...

    or...

    moving away from a negative.

    Moving away from the negative won by 47%

    This was to a very defined market want.

    So with all this in mind, I'd scrap it before you invest money putting it out.

    Best,
    Ewen
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    • Profile picture of the author ausdeals
      Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

      Grant, for services generally over $100
      the primary call to action is to find out more,
      not to sell the whole thing
      in your ad.

      What you've got is a bad ad trying to sell the whole thing.

      Create a qualified lead, not a sale.

      Just seen a split test result when testing which would give the highest response...

      Moving forward to a positive...

      or...

      moving away from a negative.

      Moving away from the negative won by 47%

      This was to a very defined market want.

      So with all this in mind, I'd scrap it before you invest money putting it out.

      Best,
      Ewen
      can you clarify this? Im unclear what you mean (new to copywriting)
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        Originally Posted by ausdeals View Post

        can you clarify this? Im unclear what you mean (new to copywriting)
        Which part are you not clear on?

        Before you write a word for your ad,
        you need to know what you are trying to achieve.

        Different situations require different ad types.

        The original poster was using an ad method best suited to selling a product.

        A service like building a website for example,
        requires a lot more consulting with client
        because there are so many possible outcomes
        the client could possibly want.

        Therefore you make an ad which let's the reader
        know you can create his/her desired outcome
        through talking with you.

        Again, different ad types for different situations.

        Best,
        Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author boutiquecontent
    I agree with travlinguy, it's hard to work out what your offer comprises exactly . Suggest making "How to Read Your Prospects Mind and [killer benefit]" your main headline. And add some intriguing bullets.

    Hope this helps.
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