Critique my landing page!

I'm also new to this, but I think the top line should be in a bigger font, and perhaps reduced to something more shocking. "Stop working out too much."

Or, "Working out too much works against you."

Something like that.

Hmm, mentioning that it only took 4 years would make my heart sink. What 4 years? Dammit. I'd probably just not mention that part.

Toward the end, way too long of a bullet point list. I would never read all that.

Last thing that puts me off. Where is your own before and after pic? Get a pic of when you were skinny. It will make me believe you more.

It's certainly a few steps in the right direction.

But you need to make your offer clearer - if I've read it right, for $97 I'm getting one ebook?

If so, I'd focus on improving your offer and building value in your copy. (Then pump up your bullets and split up those long paragraphs.)

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It looks OK, but when I saw you didn't have a favicon.ico I felt the whole thing was amateurish.

In the sales page you should mention the price of your product. Also for buyer confidence you can place your contact information so if they have any question can directly get in touch with you. Overall nice website.

Looks good to me but the guy with tattoos is a bit scary - but I don't know your target audience!

I felt the text got a little too dense in some spots, which can be mitigated by some bullets or checkmarks. Have you thought about using a squeeze page? Offering something free gives you a longer time to sell the prospect instead of one shot, one kill type of approach.

i think it looks good, have you prepared more pictures? I think add some more will be better.

the attachment is good on email marketing.it make how can we make the subscriber list high and how can we make our clients eager to know about new stories.

Here's a few quick suggestions from looking at the page

put some time element into the headline - 4 example- you did all this is 27 days lets say.

put some uniqeness into the headline- what makes it different to other product - what did you do differently.?

use bullets at the begining to hit them with the benefits.

adds some curiousity and mystery to your bullets

embold every second bullet

My first question after reading this is if the product is aimed at fat loss or bodybuilding. Both are different niches and need to be pitched in different ways. The copy seems to want me to infer that it does both.

It feels like you're trying to micromanage me for 45 days. You're going to tell me WHAT to eat, WHEN to eat (caps from the copy), when to workout, every exercise I do every day...and then leave me to fend for myself after 45 days. Then if I don't follow the micromanagement religiously it won't work and it's my fault for not following the instructions. That might be entirely unfair to the product and represent what you're trying to do. What you meant doesn't matter, only the way potential buyers read it matters.

As a guy with more than a few extra pounds, I'm immediately skeptical when anyone promises massive changes in x days. You might as well tell me all of my fat will magically disappear in 30 days while following one simple rule, or this one weird trick discovered by a housewife, or something else that screams of BS from a banner ad.

The copy isn't bad -- focus on testing different headlines.

Then if you want to make conversions really pop, try adding in audio or video.

Is it really that effective to make someone scroll the whole way to the end before introducing the call to action?

Video... video... video... is gonna be much better!

Everything looks great but I always say that a black background and white text will lose you sales. Makes it harder to read.

I just came back from a 3-day workshop focusing on email marketing and list building organized by an IM guru. We learnt about effectiveness of squeeze page as well. Hopefully my comment can help you. There are lots of things I can comment but I just have to let you know some since I am kind of short of time.

1) The offer does not sound enticing enough, can be misleading, and target audience not clear - You have written 'best guide', 'build muscle and burn fat in 45 days', and you target people who are 'too fat' and 'too thin' who are sick and tired of their muscular definition.

My Answer: Best guide in where? What if I cannot 'build muscle and burn fat in 45 days'? If I am a person who is really too thin or too fat, am I enticed enough to read your offer further? Why is there no video showing me maybe 1 or even 2 steps for building muscles effectively?

2) The website design is cluttered and convoluted - The arrangement of your information and how it is tabled is very important to deliver the messages across in a clear and concise manner. As a reader, I find it confusing to read your website, does not entice me to read further and chockful of information, which brings me to...

3) You provided too much information, too cluttered until losing their effectiveness - As a buyer, I don't want to read so much, and learned so much things in order to solve my problems. In fact, since your product can cover so many ways of building muscles fast, why not you break down your information into several products to even further sell your products? For example, you can do a product on just focusing on building abs, the other for just building biceps, another for building broad shoulders, and so on. My point is, your product should sell a solution that is very specific; yours are just too general.

Try to learn how other people sell their stuff. I highly recommend you to Google Search for 'the truth about abs', and click the link on 'Six Pack Shortcuts' and you will see how effective their website is. I am not an affiliate for this product and I just want to help you.

Keep in touch.

I would say everything needs splitting up a bit better, ideally into sections. The page seems disjointed at the moment. I just googled and found this site:
multipower.com/uk/

See how the colours flow and the products are clear, clean and set out etc.

Not to offend or anything but it does look a little amateurish at the moment


Hope this helps and good luck getting it on track.