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Need help with diet video sales letter critque.. Give away for best critique :)

by TheOwensGroup
1 replies
Launching this new diet program next week with some big players and would like some constructive criticism on what we can do to improve our video sales letter before our launch. Happy to give away the product to the best critique (it actually works Thanks in advance for your help!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...9xpYx7o1w/edit
#copywriting #critique #critque #diet #give #letter #sales #video
  • Profile picture of the author AlexanderBeresford
    Is this strictly a video script or will it come out in printed form as well?

    Either way I feel it needs some improvement. For one, it's a bit wordy, too much "fat" if you will, you can certainly make this tighter, more attractive, more effective!

    I would start the copy hitting them right in the gut, BAM!

    Are you ready to lose     10 pounds of unattractive body fat?
    * NO TORTUROUS EXERCISE!

    * NO CALORIE COUNTING!

    * NO HUNGER!

     * NO MEASLY PORTIONS!


    Wish I had more time to really go into it, but ... I AM available for hire and you'd have this all rewritten and ready to go by tomorrow afternoon!

    How much?

    $4,000! JUST KIDDING! $1,000 was what the vet charged me for saving an abandoned one-eyed puppy, so I'll accept $650 to recover some of my rescue costs, you'll feel great having contributed, it's tax deductible, and as a bonus I'll call the puppy OWEN!


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