Critique my landing page! PLEASE HELP!

Hi MuscleProdigy,

A couple of things come to my mind when I look at the page.

From my perspective and likely your prospective perspective:

1) I don't even understand what you're selling.

a) Is it a video - series?
b) Is it a book or supplement?
c) Is it digital?

This sounds fake and unathentic (not to be rude) is it real or no?

"You better hurry with this opportunity because several big time gyms are making me sizable offers to purchase my program and make it exclusive to their brand. This means today may be the last chance to order this product…"

My synopsis is this:

Start here:

Simplify your landing page.

It looks like you attempted to bring out all of the bells and whistles to create a fancy page. But it is very confusing. As I mentioned above.

Nothing breeds disinterest like unclarity.

I recommend you take a much simpler approach, and be as clear as possible.

The first thing someone should see when the land on an "effective" sales letter.

Is a bold headline promising them something so crazy it is almost "magical"

to hold their interest until you can drill down to their emotions and make them buy thru benefits and value, stories etc.

Cheers,

Justin

I don't know what this is but it's not a landing page. I've got a big, big monitor and the muscle dude up top is taking up 70 percent of the screen. And to make it worse, there's nothing in the way of copy on the visible part of the page that directs me or tells me what to do. My eyes wander around. Eventually, I see the little slide show thingy in the lower right. Okay, some before and after pics. But by now, who cares? You've failed to impress me. Click, bye! Am I being harsh? Nope. That's what your visitors see. No compelling reason to do anything.

Then, as Justin has pointed out, the stuff about "several big time gyms" wanting your system exclusively... Please, even if that's true get it out of there. Either that or show a real letter of intent from the big time gyms. And if there's any other unsubstantiated nonsense in there that isn't true, get it out too or put up verifiable proof.

Hire a professional to handle this for you. There's some decent stuff on the page but no one is going to hang around long enough to find it, even 97-lb weaklings. Good luck.

You said that your long copy wasn't converting like you thought..
How is this one converting. That's where the rubber meets the road. Which gets the most wallet votes?

I will agree with whats already been said...

Here's a few other things to consider.

You've got about 3 seconds to get your visitor by the eyeballs. This page is really busy with the graphics and a bit too big for the browser window (you have to scroll left and right to see it all). People are lazy. they wont do that. they'll leave the site.

The eye naturally goes to the picture of (I presume) you in the foreground and away from your copy. then the eye goes to the video on the bottom left (of the above the fold portion), and then proceeds to the pictures on the right next the order now button. By that time, unless your visitor is pre-sold, you could lose them. they don't want to be sold something. they just want an answer for their problem.

that is prime real estate on your page. everything above the fold (all that is seen before scrolling down) is where you will win your visitor or lose them.

Not sure how the licensing would work (or not work.) but you are using the p90x brand in what looks like it would be a headline. can barely see it because of the page size.

Here's the bottom line though....

THIS IS IMPORTANT: Don't over-haul the whole page. You want to test your page incrementally. Small changes and see what happens. Change one thing at a time. Many of us copy-writing students can pick anything apart, but in the end its ALWAYS about the wallet votes.

By the way. I am a marketer, but I'm also in your target market. I want to lose weight and get ripped. so I was looking at this site from two perspectives. just FYI. I've tried p90x. I've tried body for life. I'm also an x-wrestler. It resonated with me because of these things.

I'd be stoked to work with you on this. I think you could rock it...

Here's one quick tip:

The logo on this page is WAY more prominent than the headline.

That's generally a no-no.

The logo should be the first thing your reader notices, because it is the first element that conveys actual information.

So bigger and bolder headline for sure.

awesome, anything else?

I have a lot of success in this market.. but I agree with everyone above.. its a mess. If your going to dive into this market, you need to put some money and time into it or your going to get eaten alive..

How much money have you invested in this?
Did you do your own design or did you hire someone to do it for you?

I will help you but I just need to know the basics for right now...

This is because long sales letters are dead in the vast majority of Web niches. If you look at the top 5 Clickbank products under the health/fitness category, here's what you find:

truthaboutabs.com --> video sales pitch
fatlossfactor.com --> video sales pitch
themusclemaximizer.com --> video sales pitch
thedietsolutionprogram.com --> video sales pitch
fatburningfurnace.com --> video sales pitch

Follow the money!

Keep it simple. The more simple that it is the easier it is to get your point across. Most people that go to a landing page will just click the back button on their browser unless something really simple and eye catching is there to catch their attention.

I basically agree with the rest,
but....
You have already done a lot, and you may not want to just start over. I would say just clean it up a bit and focus on the details. The formatting and spacing seems a bit off, the slideshow buttons are weird and go past a single row, some of the graphics just seem like they need to be touched up a bit.

Agree to much of what's been said.

The BIG problem is the page is messy.

Your GOAL should be a clear message that leads visitor from point to point so they effortlessly drop into the desired action.

At the moment it is UNclear.

For example, as others have said, the above fold area is confusing. I'm not sure what to look at. These days, that's a deal breaker right there. Instead of thinking "This might be the solution I'm after", I'm thinking "This is messy and confusing, the solution is probably the same." BAM! I'm gone.

The page needs a major reorganization. If you're willing to do that, you will get better results.

Don't get me wrong. Some of the elements you have are useful. It's just that they are in the wrong places or wrongly emphasized. There are also other elements that are missing.

The starting point in every converting piece is what's relevant to the visitor - the problem they want get rid of or the pleasure they're after. Then progress from there. Your strongest piece of text above fold is "Get super shredded in just 45 days" and it's the smallest font on the page... that's not what you want to do.

I just saw your link... design of your landing page was not professional at all. You can not get conversions from this design. There are a lot of error that need to be fixed. You need services of professional landing page designer if you want your landing page to be designed in professional way and you can get conversions.