This copy needs "serious" critique...
I must say that copywriting is a true art (or a science?), and if you're a copywriter then you're my hero. Because I spent the past week trying to do something about my sale letter to improve it... and it's really hard to come up with a good headline, benefits list, a clear promise... etc. :confused:
I hired 3 copywriters. The first one drafted the copy, the others "tweaked it".
Click here to see the current copy I'm using now.
I got some sales and was happy with it.
Then I decided that I want a "short" copy. Based on feedback from some of my friends. They said it's toooo long, they won't read it.
So I tried to shorten the copy myself, and added new headlines, features and benefits myself. I'm not a copywriter.
Click here to see the short copy.
Please help with the following:
If you are the owner of this product;
1) which copy would you initially decide to use
2) what you're gonna improve
3) what's the marketing message you would use
4) what's the top benefits you would stress
5) how would you present the solution
And any comments you want to add, please go ahead.
Thaaaanks in advance.
Andrew Gould