Why Isn't This Squeeze Page Converting?

Here's my second iteration: http://www.TheWeightLossConspiracy.c...-hacks-squeeze.

Do you think it's better than the first?

@EMSGroup Thanks for the sample headline, I'll test it. I agree with what you said about playing up the "conspiracy" aspect.

@TravelinGuy Visual train wreck huh? I thought the image would connect with people. Check out my new squeeze above and tell me if it's any better. I'll get rid of the "hand of sean" font in the pre-headline.

@Andrew Gould What could I add to the page that would boost credibility without cluttering it up too much? I'll use the word "discover" per your advice. But what stronger reason could I give to get people to give up their email address?

@Shawn Wilson Thanks for your help. I'll condense it put the optin above the fold.

@TravelinGuy I have a lot of respect for you, so your feedback means a lot. I just fixed my template.

@CopyAssasin Adam Libman, right? I remember you also. I hope you're doing well. Your headline and copy is amazing. I'm thinking about re-working the headline a bit to play up the "conspiracy" bit. BTW, that Perry Marshall squeeze page is great.

@Andrew Gould I fixed the optin box, button, and headline color. I will rework the headline.

"Discover the Nutrition Hacks to Get the Body You've Always Wanted in My 7-Day E-Course -- Without Fad Diets or Gimmicky Exercise Equipment"

"Discover the 7 Dirty Secrets the Fitness Industry Doesn't Want You to Know So You Can Finally Get the Physique You've Always Wanted"

"Discover the 7 Biggest Lies the 'Diet' Industry Promotes to Keep You Fat and Their Pockets Fatter"

or what I already have...

"The #1 Metabolism Boosting Secret to 'Trick' Your Body Into Producing a Flood of Fat-Burning Hormones -- In 25 Mins/Day"

hi there

ok here's a few things you can try

1) get the opt in above the fold. this is vital- dont be relying on people to scroll down.

3) drop the word" learn" from your headline. discover is more exciting.

4) make it benefit focussed- ask yourself this - do people want to a fas metabolism or do they want a sleek, sexy figure that that will get them laid or whatever? sell the sizzle-not the steak

www.peterbrennan.net

Not just the headline, the entire page and every other piece of marketing material you produce should always be aimed at a specific audience.

You have several problems with your page. First of all, the scribble font is just too hard to read, period. Making it hard on the eyes of your readers will send them running quick.

The second thing is the use of the word "learn." People don't want to "learn" anything because it sounds too much like work. I know it sounds crazy, but that's true. Most people are lazy and don't want anything that sounds like they actually have to work.

The third thing is your headline saying they need to workout 25 minutes, 3 times a week doesn't seem easy to people who are out of shape/overweight. In actuality, that's nothing, but people who are overweight are overweight for a reason:

Most of them lack the desire or motivation to simply exercise, eat right, drink plenty of water. Just come up with a better headline and if they eventually opt-in or get the product, then you can reveal the work/plan they will have to do/follow. Sell them on the benefit of losing weight and futurecast (Imagine having a flat, ripped to-the-bone midsection that you've always wanted; Just picture yourself.....)

How many times have you heard people say, "I need to lose this belly fat" while at the same time eating a greasy hamburger, fries, and sugar-filled soft drink?

Or hear someone who needs to lose weight see a slim person out for a jog and holler out, "Why is she running? She's already skinny?"

However, they don't get the fact that in order to lose weight, it takes "work"...and to keep it off, it takes "work."

Work scares people, so just make it sounds easy, but honest at the same time.

My advise is to just rewrite the entire page you have now and leave the scribble font out.

However, if you "must" use the scribble, invest in getting a good whiteboard ad video that UPS made famous.

That will convert a lot better.

Hi Raza,
Sorry for the confusion -
@JacMer Just fixed the errors. What could I say that would be for them? It seems like I'm missing something, but I can't figure out what? Thanks for all of your help.

Actually Andrew Gould gave a much better explaination of "them" than I could -
"Before trying to come up with anything else make sure you can answer the following:

Who are your prospects? What's their problem? What do they want? What don't they want? What have they already tried? What do they believe about their problem? What language do they use when talking about their problem?

When you know your prospect, look at the market - see how your competitors are getting leads and what you need to do to differentiate."

That is really where I was going, Andrew just said it better.

Thanks Andrew!

That headline isn't powerful enough, if I was someone trying to lose weight why would I care what the "biggest lie" is in the wieght loss industry, I more than likely feel your all lying. Reminding me(the prospect) that weight loss product sellers are liars is a bad idea. Personally, I'd scrap that headline and all those bulletpoints. Replace the bullets with a still image with a "play" button on it. My sure it's a itriguing image. I'd go with a stacked benefit headline and a complimentary headline. And, be specific. If you can add a proof element to it it'd work great too. If the product your selling has testimonials put those underneath the still video image. And, go with a proof/stacked benefit headlines(works magic in weight loss). A headline this kills!:


"Personal Trainer Reveals Fresh Weight Loss Secret -- Over Five Hundred 100+ losers Confirm Lightning Fast Metabolisms, Without Sacrificing delicous foods, and Rapid Results that are not only to be expected...but GUARANTEED!"
"Discovering this secret is the "Real Way" your favorite celebrities develop their lean, ripped physiques but never expose in infomercials."

^^^that's just something quick off the top of my head but you get the idea.
Add a video still of someone working out, and a solid 5 testimonials with people's faces next to them you'd be hardpressed not to get excited, "targeted," opt-ins.

Sidenote: Seriously, bro. What software did you use to create the hand-drwan graphic diagram in your first version of squeeze page?

Thank you Steve. I feel like I just can't get it right. My headlines are either too scammy, too vague, or too bland.

I have a LOT more respect for the art of copywriting and copywriters in general.

As a side note, I'm more drawn to subtle, intriguing, and sophisticated copy rather than hypey headlines. I read this on a billboard a few months ago, it was advertising a Lexus car:

"You can't unpull a trigger" - I thought the imagery was amazing. There was a sub-headline (which I forgot), but the headline was remarkable.

I also love the classic U.S. Marine Corps ad that said:

"We promise you sleep deprivation, mental torment, and muscles so sore you'll puke. But we don't want to sugarcoat it."

I just can't figure out how to write a headline for my squeeze. By the way, I'm an affiliate, not an actual product creator.

I use the product I'm promoting and I actually like it. So I speak with honesty when I say it works. I just can't get that across in my headline. Here's a link to the vendor if that helps: www.MaxWorkouts.com

Thanks,
Raza

First impressions is that there is to much info on your squeeze page. Squeeze it some more and highlight your biggest benefit. Hope that helps.

It's not converting because it looks like it belongs in the WSO section.

This kind of hype doesn't work in the weight loss niche and neither does this red and black editorial design theme. Also, you've got no before and afters, no reference to solid facts, no personalization. Check out the top selling weight loss products on clickbank, check out Kyle Leon's customized fat loss (he's a client of mine and his offer converts damn well).

You'll see a completely different "feel," to their design, word selection, fonts etc. You'll get the idea.

@EMSGroup Anyone that wants to workout less than 25 minutes, 3 times a week is not in my target market. They can try the next pill or supplement and try to get results with that.

@SteveFaber thanks for the feedback. I'll try that.

I actually created a new squeeze: www.ExerciseRoutinesBlog.com/fhfg

Thanks,
Raza