SOS: Please What Must I To Do To Improve The Conversion of This Web Consulting Course Sales Copy!

Your headline can be a lot catchier.

You have to understand that unlike 10-15 years ago, you are dealing with very savvy, smart, and cautious buyers. With so many scams out there, it's a lot harder to use the quick/easy cash angle.

Your site may actually be worth it, but to be honest, some of the claims raises red flags right off the top.

Also, in your proof/testimonials section where you list all of the people who have used your program. It's great to list names, phone numbers and web address.

However, I logged onto several of the web sites listed just to see if they were real and many of them are not even registered domains. I'm sure that others to your site may be doing the same thing. This is a red flag also.

I didn't call the numbers since many are out of the country calls to verify. I'm sure some people will, though, so make sure that those are the actual numbers to those listed in the testimonials. If they are, then great. if not, it can raise some red flags.

Basically, you have a lot of red flags here.

I would take another approach. You have to first gain the trust of those visiting to your site. If they don't trust you, then they won't buy. Focus on that and you should see an improvement.

Wooow forget about everything right now...

...Because I have no idea what the HELL you are trying to sell.

Your main problem here is you need some friggin focus. You're trying to sell all these different ideas. I read the first part of your pitch and I'm immediately lost on what it is your selling... only to scroll down the page and be met with a billion different products / features being shoved into my face.

It's a cluttered mess.

Hello TheSalesBooster, Thank you for your time. I have sent the PM, I will appreciate your help. Thanks

Thank you Joe Ditzel. Very educating. I will study what makes a good bullet and see how I can rework my bullets. What resources do you recommend? Can I have a look at the successful sales letter you just finished? Thank you in advance

Sorry, bro, I'm under deep cover of an NDA. All I can say is they are making money.

For bullets, check out the books listed in the stickies. You can't go wrong with Dan Kennedy.

If you have the budget, consider

http://www.fasteffectivecopy.com

or

John Carlton Freelance Course | Marketing Rebel

You can learn a lot by reading bullets on these sales letters:

Chris Haddad | Direct Response Copywriting and Strategic Marketing Consulting | One Way Spikes of Doom | Copywriting By "Mr. Moneyfingers"
Bowring Marketing
Bencivenga 100 Seminar

Here's an example of a successful pitch for a web design course:

Learn Web Design - Online Web Design Course

It's not perfect but it's a clean, professional design with non-hypey copy.

That first site looks like it's geared for get rich sitting at home while you are in your underwear type of person.

A total turn off for a professional who has had a high level job and is looking to get into the web consulting game.

Not even going to the other site, since this one is so far off base.

Best,
Ewen

If you have an honest, genuine product that works. Great.

Just make the copy genuine and honest too.


The design, typefaces and layout all need to be "calmed" down and made crisp, clear and professional (dispose of the awful graphics - flash car, wads of cash and massive checks).

The copy is shouting and screaming.

Rambling with hyped up statements desperately trying to say "Buy! Buy! Buy!" (earn $1000's a week, a CEO salary, inferring people will grab billion dollar budgets for seo work - "even if you've never touched a mouse." And on and on...)


And your audience is saying "Goodbye!" Click and they've gone.


There is one thing that made me think - and I still am. I'm not sure if it's good or bad.

Because I've never seen it before.

The main headline (remember the typefaces need to be tidied up) starts "Get Your Money Back If...

Usually this "line" is translated into "Guaranteed"

You might want to do a "split" test and see which works the best.


But - get rid of the "Pay Close Attention" underlined and spewed in green horror.

Have you ever bought anything from sales person who snorted this at the start their pitch?

No?

Me neither.


Steve


P.S. If a sales person said quietly "Steve, give me a few moments, I've got something really interesting to tell you....(with a big benefit) then I might listen.