I could sure use some fresh eyes...

Get a headline, get some benefits, and get some damn color!

The site looks boring.

Your pitch is boring.

Your text is boring.

You only get one shot to impress you customer. Don't give them any reason to hit the back button.

Use bold lettering for important information. Use sub headlines to catch their attention. When I saw your block of text I didn't even want to read it.

Also I'm not a fan of your site design. Something about the dark look with all these huge colorful ads on the right hand side just messes with my attention span. You could probably fix this by making your pitch more inviting and interesting to read or take all that crap on the right hand side off or make it smaller.

...yes you need "proof" that you'll do and have already done what you claim to do.

Get lots of testimonials showing the results you've achieved.

If you've worked for larger corporations it would be good to use their logos for added credibility.

The copy is saying the right things but in the wrong way. You're not using enough power words and you have too many generic monotonous words.

You need to improve the subheads.

Superior SEO Content - how superior?

SEO That Converts - by how much?

Copy Is For Closers - could be changed to - Copy That Sells - Here's How I Make Sure It Does.

And why not use powered up bullets in the body copy to get the key points across.

Hope this helps.


Steve


P.S. Change the font with your name because the one you've got looks amateurish. Your top graphic doesn't work well, it's old fashioned. And immediately creates the wrong image in the ultra high tech, blistering fast, ever changing, absolutely must be up to date internet universe.

You may suggest you're trying to say "traditional values in a modern world" But it still gives the impression that you're years behind. You don't want that.

And it doesn't blend with the brighter graphics on the right hand side of the page. Ironically, they should be "toned" down a touch, they're "shouting and screaming" a bit too much and are bordering on being hypey. Make them cool, calm and collected with the right level of impact.

Jeremey, I am coming at this from the viewpoint of a business owner.

I've been told Jeremey Hunsicker is a good writer, so I go to his site. This is what it looks like when it comes up on my screen...

http://www.donschenk.com/Jeremey.pdf

Above the fold I see a large drawing of three men running some kind of machine. (I know it is an ancient printing press.) Pretend I own a local restaurant. I look at that machine and wonder WTF is that thing? What does it have to do with a restraurant? What does it have to do with my website?

Then I scroll down a bit, and I see information about something called SEO. Again what is SEO? I need help with copywriting and/or getting more eyes to look at my website. I am a local business owner. I know nothing about how websites work.

As a potential client is left wondering what SEO is while I click away from your site.

What is in it for me? What outstanding benefits will I receive by reading your site, and by contacting you? How are you better than others? Why should I buy from you? Why should I even pay attention to your website?

These are the questions going through a business owner's mind.

If you are writing for IMers who are trying to make money online, they are an entirely different species than brick and mortar business owners. It is not clear who your audience is.

I've owned several local businesses over the years, so I am looking at your site from the viewpoint of the business owner. These folks will be looking at your site with a critical eye. The only things they what to know is what is in it for them, and why should they hire you.

:-Don

Jeremey, of course you write well.

I put on my "local business owner" hat, and approached the site from that viewpoint.

Sorry if I sounded harsh. I have a tendency to be too blunt at times.

:-Don

Listen.. Nobody is going to go fishing through your site looking to fill the information gap you leave them from the home page. The fastest way they fill that gap is to hit the back button and try some place else.

Everything of importance should be on your home page (or where ever your sending your customers too). Don't make them go hunt for information, because they won't.

I was trying to add some more of my crapola and I hit the wrong button.

Doh!

I was going to say on your main page your call to action is "check out some of many services I offer." I would rework the copy to sell my most profitable service and have a contact form right at the bottom. Sort of like this:

Cutting Edge Copy

Or link to your contact form like you do on the Wordpress turnkey page.

Jeremy,

You're definitely getting some good advice here from our resident copywriters.

I also highly recommend you review Dan Furman's book, Do the Web Write...an excellent book on writing your services website.

Best,

Thomas O'Malley

Well, I don't know if I'm late to the party or what (I saw the pdf Don provided and that looked horrid), but for me the site looks great as I'm seeing the home page right now. You look like an intelligent, in-the-know, kind of guy and the whole feel of it is both smokey and classy.

When I read the text, it tells me you got the goods! Don't need to see samples.

I don't expect a contact form at this point and glad there is none, and the natural next step is to see "SERVICES".

Going in there and I see convenient price and order buttons to the right. Perfect!

Unlikely I would order right away. I would want to contact you first.

It's very well put together imo....BUT!

Gripes:

1. You are trying too hard to sell me on your services page (SEO Content Writing). You already impressed me with the argument for using your services on your homepage and I saw you can write really well. The whole continued persuasion is irritating, especially the whole cardboard sign challenge. I might think you are a dickhead to deal with after reading that.

What I really want to know about on the services page is - duh - about the services!! Tell me more about WHAT I am ordering. Articles, yes, but get to the point. Too many "I"s in there. Too much bragging and it has the opposite affect you are seeking by making you start to seem insecure.

Now I'm insecure - about my decision to use your services. I got a guy who can write well who just might be a dickhead and also lack the focus to get the job done or get offended by a request for revisions...hmm...wonder if this guy is a angry stalker type when you cross him (I can see myself needing to change my phone number and email address possibly).

Also, quit trying to justify your cost. You're only charging roughly $8 per 300-word article. Do you spend time competing for gigs on Digital Point? Are you targeting people who normally pay only a penny a word?

Look, if someone thinks you are charging too much, it only means they can't afford you, which means you can't persuade them to pay your price, so why bother? You write good! Act like you're worth what you are charging by NOT trying to defend the price.

Don't talk about price at all....just tell me what you are going to do for me, tell me of any specialization you have, tell me about delivery time...will you do revisions if requested? Do you guarantee I won't have to edit your work?

An opening paragraph like you have on the SEO Content Writing page is good, but after that, get over yourself and get to me and get to the point.

Hi Jeremy,

It's great see see the improved site design.

All you've got to do now is tweak the copy as per all the suggestions.


Steve