Advice Needed: Does This Squeeze Page Hit the Right Emotional Buttons?

@Anthony thanks for your kind words. It means a lot. How can I engage them without being too wordy? My goal is to focus their attention and build desire so they opt-in. I like what you say about engaging them, but I want to do it as succinctly as possible.

@StevetheCopywriter I have a lot of respect for you, so your opinion means a lot. I learned a lot from your comments to my last thread titled "Why Isn't This Squeeze Page Converting?" So instead of talking about a market I know nothing about, I focused on a market that I'm part of.

The 25 mins/3x's a week deal sounds almost too good to be true. But I can assure you, if I were a guy and was already interested in getting in shape, 25 minutes sounds great.

Now I have to see what percentage of people optin to my list. I'll keep you all posted.

A couple thoughts...The first squeeze page does a good job of defining who you are marketing to and getting their attention. The "skinny fat guys" who don't have time to work out because their kids need help with homework and the 45 minute commute each day leaves them exhausted. You play on some strong emotions there....But I think your pitch is just too long for a squeeze page. Like Ray suggested, hit on some bullet points that target that emotion - you've done a good job in the copy - and get the optin box right under their noses. Use your copy on that page for the sales page - I'm assuming you're just trying to get emails from the squeeze page right?

Now the second one...In my opinion, all the great stuff you played on in your first example is gone. Better layout...Prominent box real estate...But is this even for the same product? What I see...And what I think most people would see, is basically a generic "Get this body, click here to find out how" type gimmick. Did the models in the photo only take 2 weeks to get in that kind of shape? Isn't that your selling point? Because although you may talk about it in the video, you're not going to get anyone to hit "play" with such a generic pitch.

I'd focus on tightening up that first page and eliminating all the pitch stuff. Punch up your bullet points to address all those "skinny fat" straphangers that think you might be on to something.

Hope that helps!

@JamesCanz Thank you so much for the feedback and sharing your squeeze. I actually created 2 new ones and am testing them now:

www.ExerciseRoutinesBlog.com/fitnesshacksforguys

and

www.ExerciseRoutinesBlog.com/fhfg

We'll see how it goes.

@HeatherH that's what I'm trying to do with the video

Unfortunately I don't have any before pictures. I'm not giving away a free report (yet). I'll work on one to see if that improves conversions.

Thanks to all.

@Misterme Thanks. I like my headlines to be matter of fact. I feel there's a fine balance between sounding too hypey (and over-promising) and giving enough detail to sound credible. I'll play around with the headlines though.

I agree with creating a secondary headline, but with my current squeeze page formats, adding more text would either be below the fold, or it would push the optin box below the fold.

Maybe the headline can be something like "Free Report Shows How I Transformed My Body in 2 Weeks: Working Out Just 25 Minutes/3x's a Week"

Maybe?

@Rezbi Your opinion means a lot to me because you're in the same market. What specifically is missing? The video I shot tried to emulate exactly that...

I actually just got done telling a few co-workers about the program and they're pretty excited after seeing the pictures because they didn't know that I could get results in such a short period of time.

Are there specific things that would intrigue you more? A more emotional headline? A more specific and descriptive headline? An offer for a free report?

Thanks,
Raza