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So I took all of your advice --> This is the outcome. Thanks!

by bsbear
7 replies
So a couple weeks ago I asked for advice here on my landing page/ copywriting.

I took your advice:

1) Needed better copy - clearer message - etc.
2) Needed better CTA
3) Added social proof (might need more of this)

The one thing I still have to work on is the video, but I'm doing that now.

What do you think about the landing page now?

Edit: Also, someone asked for social proof on the increased revenue -- but I don't see how I can do that in a non-scammy way. I mean I can't give out the niche of my clients, so I would just be posting trimmed screenshots of income on paypal or something and that would look very unprofessional in my opinion.
#&gt #> #advice #outcome
  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    The graphic headline looks cheap and hypey (and it's a "so what?" statement).

    Your lines are too wide.

    The subheads don't standout or tell me anything.

    You want to explain what the graph actually means.

    I can't easily compare the options you're offering.

    There's nothing there that makes me believe what you're saying.

    You've killed the bear and made more of it (with your option names), I'd go one way or the other.

    I preferred the first version.
    Signature

    Andrew Gould

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    • Profile picture of the author bsbear
      Originally Posted by Andrew Gould View Post

      The graphic headline looks cheap and hypey (and it's a "so what?" statement).

      Your lines are too wide.

      The subheads don't standout or tell me anything.

      You want to explain what the graph actually means.

      I can't easily compare the options you're offering.

      There's nothing there that makes me believe what you're saying.

      You've killed the bear and made more of it (with your option names), I'd go one way or the other.

      I preferred the first version.

      Hmm I can definitely work on your first 4 criticisms.

      Originally someone told me not to directly put down what is in the three plans, because they didn't want me in the 'commodity' game where I could be compared to other SEO's.

      For the bear, I just wanted creative names instead of 'package 1/2/3' <-- What do you think about that?

      I'll take another look at it, I'm always looking to improve, so thanks for the help again!
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      • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
        Originally Posted by bsbear View Post

        Originally someone told me not to directly put down what is in the three plans, because they didn't want me in the 'commodity' game where I could be compared to other SEO's.
        For the bear, I just wanted creative names instead of 'package 1/2/3' <-- What do you think about that?
        Cool, there's always different approaches in copy (as I'm sure there is in SEO) so as long as you're doing what you are for a valid reason then it's fine.

        Good luck.
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        Andrew Gould

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  • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
    "Six SEO Secrets of Fortune 500 Companies"

    How to use the search engine secrets of America's top companies to boost your profits by as much as 200% - while only changing 2 words!

    Dear Fellow Internet Marketer,

    In this letter, I'm going to share six simple strategies being used by Fortune 500 companies today... strategies that you can put into action not in hours, but in minutes.

    <bullets>

    How do I know all these things?

    <background>

    ----

    Right now, you're not starting anywhere. And this comes off as an obvious, poorly executed pitch.

    Try and deliver some value that shows you know your shit.

    Angel
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  • Profile picture of the author Thomas Michal
    Dude, just go test it.

    Your conversion rate will always be zero if you just over analyze it and never take action.

    Nothing will ever be perfect.

    Hell, you could have Gary Halbert come back from the grave and write your copy, and no matter what you do there will always be "some guy" here telling you to do this or that.

    Also, there is a 8/10 chance that the people right here are not your target customer so your feedback will be skewed.

    If you made craigslist when it first came out and showed it to a UX designer they would have said "WOW that's terrible... but now it's one of the most successful ugly sites the web will ever see.

    Go for action not perfection and tweak as you progress until you hit an ideal conversion rate.

    So take $100 buy some ultra targeted traffic to whatever business you are targeting and test it.

    Just make sure there is a clear call you action that is easy and effective for generating leads.
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  • Profile picture of the author Thomas Michal
    Also this dude Neil Patel owner of crazyegg and kissmetrics has a pretty sweet sales page for his SEO/DM company

    Here:

    Neil Patel | Digital Marketing ConsultantNeil Patel | Digital Marketing Consultant
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    The green band up top takes up WAY too much room. You and I know what SEO is. But many of your potentials don't. Define your acronyms or you'll confuse some of your readers. A confused mind always says no. Seems picky? It's not. It's an essential.

    Your headline is about a 5.5 on a scale of 10. It could be improved a lot. Bottom line, you're selling a $200/mo. membership and you haven't convinced anyone you've got even $2 in value. Get a copywriter to write it for you.

    Oh, someone suggested you test it. Maybe that's a good idea because the wake up call will follow directly. Good luck.
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