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Review my OTO Copy please!

by Thesecret2marketing
2 replies
Hey There,

Can you review my OTO copy

for my upcoming WSO? I have not

added any images to it just yet, I

have only written the copy. Please

take a look at it and give me an

honest review of it. Also let me know

anything that I can do in order to

improve the copy overall.

Job Assassinator |

Thanks

Be blessed,
Michael
#copy #oto #review
  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    Hi Michael,

    Your copy needs some tightening. Too many loose expressions
    such as:

    "you're going to need ..." ==> you'll need
    "you are at a serious advantage" ==> you have a serious advantage
    "without having to invest any money." ==> without investing money

    Also cut "that" from your sentences where it would not change the
    meaning if you do.

    Example:

    "We know that you are serious about your online business .."
    "We know you're serious about your online business ..."

    Just look at how many times you use "are going to" when
    the simple present tense would be fine.

    Just these simple edits would make your copy read a lot
    more direct and hard-hitting.

    -Ray Edwards
    Signature
    The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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    • Profile picture of the author masterpaintingnow
      I think you should start your copy off more of the way you start doing once you use the centered big red text. Start off with an H1 heading too. A headline even in the copy is importat.

      I know you have a text for a headline, but using H1 with relevant words also helps SEO.

      You should be patting yourself on the back, because you are about to, end the frustrations of not having enough, in your budget, to start your very own online business.

      I'm unsure why you used so many commas in this sentence. They interrupt the flow.

      Try to reduce redundant phrases like "cash money." Just say money or cash.

      Let me tell you, when most people make a decision to buy there are a couple of different factors that influence them to buy...
      To sound less redundant, I would reword this.

      Like this. Only a couple factors influence people to buy. They are ...

      And how could I forget one of the most powerful factors that force people to buy on the spot...
      People buy from people that they know like and trust. This means that you have to have an established brand, face, or presence in your market place to convert higher than most.
      This doesn't work for me. It makes me feel like you second guessed yourself. Be confident with it.

      And now the most powerful factor that forces people to buy...

      Trust. You must earn their trust.

      Or something more like that. I wouldn't even use the word factor personally.

      If you are going to talk about special ninja tactice to get people to buy, you need to use them in your sales copy. You should focus more on what the buyer gets rather than waht your product does.

      Honestly, very few people care about what a product does. They just want to know what is in it for them.
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