Please Review My Website

Hi Shawn, can you please change the title to "Please review astral-journey.com?"

Here are my impressions.

Fake-stars background. Random assortment of pretty/inspirational pictures. These would look nicer if a graphic designer did some kind of layout blending them into a unified whole.

Articles - about what? Should I go leave this page and look at the article directory?
Submit your article - since I haven't seen any articles yet - unless this is one - and I don't know what the topic is, I'm confused about why I'd want to submit?
Contact email - since I don't know who this is or what it's about why would I want to contact them?

Who is this page from and what it is about? I don't know. From the pictures, I'd guess something about beauty of nature and positive meditation.

Headline: what does the earth look like from Mars? I dunno, I'd guess NASA probably has a photo from a space probe. Why would someone put up a web page with a headline that they could have researched themselves and just show me the picture?

Some unidentified writer discusses miracles, doesn't answer the Mars question in the headline, and suddenly changes the subject to out of body experience, asking more questions and not answering them.

Then the subject suddenly changes to the idea of buying products about astral projection.

Why would friends and family of the unidentified writer be reliable experts about products or about astral projection?

How the heck would I know which technique to choose when you've already lost me? Confronted with another question. At least this one has some answers provided, at last.

"We stumbled upon"... so are YOU the creator of the binaural beats technique?

Choice 2 says I need a guide.

Choice 3 says I don't need a guide, I do need a lifetime, no I don't I only need 10 minutes.

If getting confused is the best way to leave my body then I'm halfway out of my skin by now.

Then there's some kind of goofy half-assed fake review thingy with five stars for everything.

Shawn, I'm going to be harsh: I don't see anything here that tries to get the attention and interest of any particular identifiable market. I don't see any effort to build rapport, demonstrate empathy or demonstrate expertise. I don't see anything that builds desire towards discovering the out of body experience. I don't see anything the builds desire towards considering your reviews to be informed and trustworthy. I don't see the slightest reason why I'd want to bother reading the whole page, let alone click on any of the other sites with buttons that look like I might be charged something by Paypal. I see an apparently random collection of unanswered questions and unexplored diversions, without any kind of progression that a high school English teacher could recognize as a theme or outline. I don't see anything that I'd recognize as a proven copywriting technique focused on helping the reader tune in to station WIIFM (What's In It For ME?).

Why in the world would anyone want to spend a second on your site when there are ones like this to choose from: The Monroe Institute, HeartMath - a change of heart changes everything - stress relief & stress management products, Out of Body Experience Research Foundation (OBERF), or even Astral Travel - Telepathy and Dream Control? Let alone the huge discussion forums offered by David Icke? What value do you provide that is unique beneficial and far beyond what any of these offer?

Sorry, from inside this 3D consciousness body, I'm at a loss as to what to do with your site.

Regards,
Allen

This was harsh but it was exactly what I need. Thank you very very much for this reality check. I am going to be doing some major revising.

Thanks

I really do love the subject but cannot write for the life of me. I am truly well read and practiced when it comes to astral projection. I am just not well versed when it comes to designing website and writing copy. I don't have a ton of money to hire someone else to do the work. What I am going to do is take apart my website line by line and try to make it more coherent.

Thanks for all of your advice. I know you put some work into your reply earlier today and I am sorry if I didn't accept it as graciously as I should have.

Thanks again,
Shawn

Jestershaw,

I don't know much about astral projection, so wasn't really sure what the focus of the site was and how the headline related to it. I think once you know exactly what you want to accomplish with the site you'll see very clearly how to move forward.

I for one would be happy to help you more - just give me a holler.

Melody

Just PM me if you need help later on.

Melody

Hi I think if I could understand the site a bit more, like whats it about, maybe you could say
have a headline

Out Of Body Experience

and maybe start with

In my years of practicing astral projection I have had many people ask how I do it and whether I could teach them how to do it. My name is...blah blah blah and what happened you, you know like as if you were telling a friend.

I would like to also see your picture on page.

The graphic on unexplainable on astral projection looks good instead of the pictures you have, its a person lying down and then themself coming out of their body...that looks good.

A good picture on the page would be good

Actually I like buzzing round with graphics and pcitures so I did one just to give you idea
see photomagic on my website, it was just a quick picture, anyway you get the idea, I say things like that could add that bit of extra effect

Hey maybe I should take up copywriting lol





Patrick

Allen,

Thanks again for all of your help.

I will get the hang of this.

You are a gentleman and a scholar.

Shawn