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Please critique my squeeze page

by TheEliteWarrior
28 replies
I've launched this squeeze page www.plrmastercrew.com/optinpage+.html and i've only attracted 4 people to join my list out of the 40 that got on the squeeze page. a 10% conversion rate. But I know it's far from perfect so I'd appreciate any feedback!

Thanks in advance!
#critique #page #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author TheSalesBooster
    Move the text to the left and put the signup box on the right and I guarantee you will at least double your optins just doing that.

    As far as the rest of your page...

    How are you getting traffic to this site? Its important to know where these people are coming from before any suggestions are offered.
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    • Profile picture of the author TheEliteWarrior
      Originally Posted by TheSalesBooster View Post

      Move the text to the left and put the signup box on the right and I guarantee you will at least double your optins just doing that.

      As far as the rest of your page...

      How are you getting traffic to this site? Its important to know where these people are coming from before any suggestions are offered.
      Wow, I'll try that out.

      Currently, I'm using paid traffic. Specifically solo ads to get traffic to my site.

      Any input on my sales copy? I don't feel that it's very effective...
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      • Profile picture of the author TheSalesBooster
        Originally Posted by TheEliteWarrior View Post

        Wow, I'll try that out.

        Currently, I'm using paid traffic. Specifically solo ads to get traffic to my site.

        Any input on my sales copy? I don't feel that it's very effective...
        One step at at time.

        You said paid traffic, solo ads. I gotta ask even though I already know the answer. Is there a possibility these solo ads are targeting people who want or bought PLR / article content in the past? Or is the solo ad just generic make money online?

        Because if they are generic MMO solo ads... Your offer is too weak.

        In fact that 10% opt-in rate tells me 90% of those people don't care about articles, PLR, what ever.

        That being said... I don't think improving your copy should be your main focus. Granted it isn't very good and if it's improved you will see better results, but I don't think it will improve much. Here's why...

        Unless your buying solo ads from a list of previous article, plr, content buyers... you're pretty much just throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping some of the noodles stick. That's not what you want to be doing...

        So here's what I suggest. Clean up your copy a little bit. Then see if you can't get a little more specific with your advertising. If you want the most bang for your buck you need to zero in your targeting. You're taking the shotgun approach.

        If you can't narrow down your advertising, the next best thing is to think about offering something else. Something that will appeal to everyone in the MMO niche. For example look at my sig. I'm offering a free product that provides a solution to a problem most people here have... How to make more money.

        The opt-in rate for the website is 70% even though I think the copy isn't as good as it could be. Here's the point I'm trying to make...

        Copy is important, but what's even more important is what you're offering. Solve a problem people have and you won't need to write amazing copy. They will come to you.
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        • Profile picture of the author TheEliteWarrior
          Originally Posted by TheSalesBooster View Post

          One step at at time.

          You said paid traffic, solo ads. I gotta ask even though I already know the answer. Is there a possibility these solo ads are targeting people who want or bought PLR / article content in the past? Or is the solo ad just generic make money online?

          Because if they are generic MMO solo ads... Your offer is too weak.

          In fact that 10% opt-in rate tells me 90% of those people don't care about articles, PLR, what ever.
          It is MMO...I'm going with solo ad vendors who told me that PLR is something that works quite well for their list...almost the results seem to show otherwise.

          I think I could go around asking PLR mailing lists whether they'd allow me to mail their lists for a fee. Or I could also ask blogging mailing lists whether they're interested since this is relevant for them as well.

          So here's what I suggest. Clean up your copy a little bit. Then see if you can't get a little more specific with your advertising. If you want the most bang for your buck you need to zero in your targeting. You're taking the shotgun approach.
          I think I can zero in on my targeting...although other than the 2 mentioned above I'm not too sure whom else to purchase so ads from yet.

          If you can't narrow down your advertising, the next best thing is to think about offering something else. Something that will appeal to everyone in the MMO niche. For example look at my sig. I'm offering a free product that provides a solution to a problem most people here have... How to make more money.

          The opt-in rate for the website is 70% even though I think the copy isn't as good as it could be. Here's the point I'm trying to make...

          Copy is important, but what's even more important is what you're offering. Solve a problem people have and you won't need to write amazing copy. They will come to you.
          Great point...I've spent on the URL and my friend is using this niche and monetizing it so I believe I can too...I'll improve the copy and the targeting and work on it again and if it doesn't work i'll go with something more generic for MMO.

          Thanks for the detailed response
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Big disconnect here - "Stop wasting your money on poor quality PLR".

    And then you offer to send them 50,000+ free (PLR) articles?

    Wow - they must be really high-quality then.

    And you're right - the copy is bloody awful. Especially this gem -
    ...plus you'll get these other killer awesome things to download... FOR FREE!
    Like what? A killer virus?
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    • Profile picture of the author TheEliteWarrior
      Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi View Post

      Big disconnect here - "Stop wasting your money on poor quality PLR".

      And then you offer to send them 50,000+ free (PLR) articles?

      Wow - they must be really high-quality then.
      I see. Instead perhaps I could state "Stop spending hundreds of hours writing content..."

      And you're right - the copy is bloody awful. Especially this gem -
      Like what? A killer virus?
      Hmmm, didn't think it would subcommunicate that...

      Would condensing everything into bullet point be better? Should I add in a definition of PLR since some may not know what it means?
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    • Profile picture of the author leningovea
      Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi View Post

      Big disconnect here - "Stop wasting your money on poor quality PLR".

      And then you offer to send them 50,000+ free (PLR) articles?

      Wow - they must be really high-quality then.

      And you're right - the copy is bloody awful. Especially this gem -
      Like what? A killer virus?
      LOL

      You´re mean!
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  • Profile picture of the author danwood
    I would say that are to much information on your squeeze...
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  • Profile picture of the author leningovea
    Originally Posted by TheEliteWarrior View Post

    I've launched this squeeze page www.plrmastercrew.com/optinpage+.html and i've only attracted 4 people to join my list out of the 40 that got on the squeeze page. a 10% conversion rate. But I know it's far from perfect so I'd appreciate any feedback!

    Thanks in advance!
    Hey Bro, the best advice I can give you is: keep it short

    You know, squeeze pages are good to presell the main offer people will find once they opt-in, so you need a very compelling reason to make people willing to give you their email.

    So, If I were you I would use a preheadline where you talk (shortly) about their main problem, and then focus the headline on how are you going to solve this problem with your product (very short too, three-four lines tops)

    After that you need a strong call to action, and then the optin form (ask for email only)

    Voila, your optin rates will ramp up insanely

    All the best
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    • Profile picture of the author TheEliteWarrior
      Thanks for the reply leningovea

      Originally Posted by leningovea View Post


      So, If I were you I would use a preheadline where you talk (shortly) about their main problem,
      I believe my "Warning: Stop Wasting.." is the preheadline

      and then focus the headline on how are you going to solve this problem with your product (very short too, three-four lines tops)
      I believe I had this, although not in 3-4 lines, "50,000+ FREE Articles...All in a matter of minutes!"...but i suppose I should condense it further.

      After that you need a strong call to action, and then the optin form (ask for email only)
      I have a call to action "Enter your email address in the form below and I'll send you the ...plus you'll get these other killer awesome things to download... FOR FREE!"

      How do I make it stronger?

      Thanks again
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  • Profile picture of the author masterz
    IMHO, in addition to the improvements mentioned above, add a few bullet points to the squeeze page

    all the best
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  • Profile picture of the author copystud
    Include a bullet-list with the benefits of opting in. Also don't make statements that lead to confusion, as confusion= back or close button.

    This is a red flag:
    "plus you'll get these other killer awesome things to download... FOR FREE"

    You said these things, but didn't elaborate in any way. In all honesty, this copy reads like a somewhat well-educated ESL writer wrote it -- there's just so much missing. It's very disjointed, lacks value, and doesn't inspire confidence in you or your offering. Hire a good copy-person to write your landers and opt ins. You're just pissing away opportunity with this kind of stuff.
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  • Profile picture of the author JETSGIRL
    I have to agree with all of the above.. whats going on there at the top of your page, Im not too sure but def get a sign up form on the top right, and DEFINATELY get rid of that "plus youll get these killer awesome things"..etc OUT of there!! asap! .. it'll be taken asthough youre flighty, dont care much about your products to list even some examples, or even know what it is you are offering yourself! (so why would they..) -would be their thinking I mean.. they want to know what goodies they're getting, actually anticipating it -so list them..(feed their needs) list why they should buy now, how they'll benefit, why they need these killer awesome things..
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  • Profile picture of the author rservice
    Give your squeeze page back ground will make huge difference.
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    • Profile picture of the author TheEliteWarrior
      Originally Posted by rservice View Post

      Give your squeeze page back ground will make huge difference.
      What kind of background?
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  • Profile picture of the author daveGmac
    I am new, but from looking at the page, I think you could add a little more substance to reassure the visitor.
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  • Profile picture of the author emsgroup
    Lose the Elizabethan english. "Shall" etc.

    Overall your offer is vague as hell.
    Zero proof.
    Put your headline in the page not in the warning box. Use a short text there for why the warning.
    What are the articles about? What categories? IM? How long are they? Are they tired old crap or fresh? Quality articles...according to who?
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    I actually designed this "warning" squeeze page you're using a few years ago, Gave it to kern and now the damn thing is everywhere.

    If you're gonna use it, you might as well use it correctly, right?

    With this type of page, your headline needs to NAIL it... since there should be a limited amount of copy with this page.... and the point of designing this page was to have the arrow pointing to your opt in form ABOVE THE FOLD.

    Just a heads up :-)
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    • Profile picture of the author TheEliteWarrior
      Originally Posted by davemiz View Post

      I actually designed this "warning" squeeze page you're using a few years ago, Gave it to kern and now the damn thing is everywhere.

      If you're gonna use it, you might as well use it correctly, right?

      With this type of page, your headline needs to NAIL it... since there should be a limited amount of copy with this page.... and the point of designing this page was to have the arrow pointing to your opt in form ABOVE THE FOLD.

      Just a heads up :-)
      Wow, amazing to have feedback from the person that designed this opt-in page!

      What do you mean by "arrow pointing to your opt in form ABOVE THE FOLD." ? Does the "fold" mean the point that the audience sees before they scroll down?
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      • Profile picture of the author KingOfContentMarketing
        Originally Posted by TheEliteWarrior View Post

        What do you mean by "arrow pointing to your opt in form ABOVE THE FOLD." ? Does the "fold" mean the point that the audience sees before they scroll down?
        Yes.
        Above the fold - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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  • Profile picture of the author HappyPanda
    Optin box below the fold (where your visitor can see) which will almost always lower conversions on a squeeze page.

    Also dropping the "name" field and just using the email field will boost conversions.
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    Yes... and unfortunately... since its been ripped 957,634 times so far, I can no longer use the page. :-)

    note to self: keep your mouth shut on whats working.
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  • Profile picture of the author AshwaniGaur
    Something like this?
    Good Enough?

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  • Profile picture of the author Antonio J.
    Your image button and form background image took a lot of time to load for me so you could optimize the size of that image as well.
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    lol... funny... my homepage is one of the 4 best of 2012.

    thanks Clay Collins :-)

    and 2 out of the 4 from visual website optimizer are mine. (I did that arrow one from the top to the optin form way back with jeff walker/frank kern and my dating offer back in 2007-08)

    :-)
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