my salespage is begging for some TLC from warrior copywriters.

The forum would not let me highlight the link... so i'll have to ask ou to please copy and paste to view, it wasn't intentional

Here it goes, don't hate me, you asked for it...

The design is terrible and immediately kills any credibility for your site... I'm surfing the net, there's a million con artists out there, and if you where credible you could pay a designer $45 for a decent mini-site.

The headline... Doesn't pull me in.

The first few lines of copy are drab.

The rest of the copy is a giant block of text that hurts my eyes.

Your guarantee says "if you are totally blown away with the value and quality of the materials, just drop me a line and I'll cheerfully refund every penny on the spot"

So if it sucks I have to keep it? The whole page is littered with spelling/grammatical errors.

You've got a long way to go my friend. The page as it stands doesn't make for a decent article, and it's light years away from being a persuasive piece of copy.

Good luck.

-Scott

hahah. great catch on that typo scott!

I thought the copy was good or at least decent.

I'm playing with the headline and fixing the typos now...

Hey, I'm not trying to burst your bubble, don't take it personally.

There's a reason some guys get paid $10k+ for sales copy, this stuff isn't easy.

You have to entertain, you have to elicit emotion, you have to connect with your end buyer...

Sales copy goes well beyond the ability to write well. You have to understand the sales process every step of the way.

If one word doesn't sit well with the reader, if one line in the guarantee isn't right, the copy won't perform.

There's a reason people spend fortunes educating themselves about writing copy... There's a whole lot of factors at play, and a lot of chances to screw it up.

Your copy isn't great. Sorry. That doesn't mean that you're not a great real estate investor or great at product creation or whatever it is you do, you're just not a great copywriter, at least not judging from that piece.

My advice, if you want to get good at writing copy hit the books. If not, be good at what you're good at and hire a pro for the design and copy side of things.

When I need graphics I don't do them myself... We all have our strengths and weaknesses, so don't take it personally.

-Scott

I just looked at your page and saw you making changes.

I read the copy a little more thoroughly and it's not badly written, the formatting needs some serious work though.

Use some subheads and more bullets, break it up a bit, make it easy to read.

I'll be happy to offer some more advice once you do that. It's tough to read at this point, it's all in one big block.

I can see you're working on it now, I'll be happy to give you some more pointers tomorrow.

-Scott

Hi Esteriffic: The site and copy is pretty rough - I honestly don't see it converting at all.

A Few Reasons Why:
Your headline, as mentioned, is not even close to being effective, ""The Real Estate Meltdown Costed Investors Millions... But Did Not Affect Me!"

It might not have affected you because you didn't own any real estate, for instance.
...anyway it makes no appeal to my self-interest. Why should I care?

(btw, your grammar in the Headline is wrong, you don't say "costed")

The header is not good at all. Bad picture of snow-covered building with fonts in green and blue - these are bad choices all the way around. Green in general is rarely a good color for a header (unless its an eco theme or something)

The subhead is another turn off:

"For many of us the only thing the "Great Crash of 2008" did was open up a few minor opportunities...

Why would I read any further to hear about "A FEW MINOR OPPORTUNITIES????

There's much else to do here, but I'd start by completely re-working the opening.
Best,
_____
Bruce

Hi Dirk,

I wonder if you would be better off with creonline.com as a place to find plenty of traffic from real estate investors looking for new ideas. You could participate in their discussion groups, demonstrate you're a knowledgeable and experienced apartment owner, then find out what it takes to run your offer as an ad on their site.

If you do stick with the sales letter, the two paragraphs that have "as the founder" and "isn't some road" should be moved to the top. Be sensible and unhyped. Discuss how people are afraid of getting into apartment owning because they don't want the hassle of dealing with tenants, toilets, and taxes. Explain that you have made these problems turn in systematic routines that make you money without any frantic calls at 2 a.m.

Here's a classic in the field that you can emulate: Nothing down real estate - Creative Real Estate Investing

Regards,
Allen
(No relation to Robert Allen, I just used him as an example of selling real estate info)

It looks like you've got a lot of copy corrections to work on. If I were you, I'd also work on the format of the letter. For instance, the top portion of your copy is left justified and the bottom portion is centered. This looks a bit funky to me.

When writing sales copy, you want to make the letter look interesting (not boring) but also easy on the eyes. Look at a few sales letters on Clickbank as a reference to see how other copywriters format their sales letters. Just a thought.

Good luck!