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Help Wanted: Please Review This Sales Copy/Page...

by Mint-Tree
5 replies
Hi there,

If you have some times, please check out this sales page template:

Sales ~ Best WordPress Template Test


*Please critic based on:

--the pre-headline, headline and sub-headline (i.e. these "headlines" are for people who want to convert HTML to WordPress; there is another landing page with "headlines/sales copy" for "creating sales page in WordPress" =).

--the layout of each element on the page (e.g. benefits before or after videos)

--the flow of the sales copy or sub-headlines (e.g. "Now easily convert...")

--Anything else you can think of to make the sales layout or sales copy better

Thanks.

P.S. For now, the purpose of that sales/landing page is to sell a professional design WP template that can convert HTML sales page to WordPress AND create unlimited "unique" sales page in WordPress.

Hmn... should I go with a story describing how much hair one has/will pull out of his head "before" using this template? ..Or the current sales copy/layout is fine (but needs some touch up)?

..Oh, yeah, I'll do multivariate & split test on the sales/landing page as well .
#layout #page #sales #wanted
  • Profile picture of the author hamerz
    Hey Mint,

    Just to let you know that I've recently looked into HTML to WP conversions so I'm in the target audience.

    First thought is there are so many different font sizes and colors and highlight, etc. Its a little confusing - pulling my eyes everywhere.

    For example, if you have green tightly around you guarantee (image and fonts), then keep green for converstations around you guarantee.

    There's a stray double quote before one of the headlines.

    Next, the huge AND is drawing my eyes as well.

    I also think there are too many headlines and a "Note". I don't use "pre-headlines"

    -You need one headline to grab attention and convert the 'viewer' to a 'reader'
    -You can use one sub-headline to further draw the reader in leading to your greeting and complling story.
    -If the pre-headline does the job of grabbing attention and turning a viewer into a reader then keep it but I'm not sure that these headline all work to move the reader in the same direction which is comitting to reading more.

    - I think that you are getting to the "solution" where the videos coms in a little too early. You could use more 'compelling story' to draw you readers in and show that you can simpathize with with.

    -Describe what the solution did for you (or the character 'you' of the sales page) before actually getting to the solution.

    - I also like to keep things the same. For your boxes keep one color/style for testimonials. After reading the first testimonial, I will subconsciously associate the next similar color/style with a testimonial. So be careful when resing a color or similar style. You can have something for the testimonials, the benfits/features, the product contests, etc.

    -I also like to keep the boxes the same width (except for the testimonials which tend to be skinnier).

    - The front page of the sales lett has one job and that is to drive to a particular action. If that is buying then make sure everything drives to the buy. If there needs to be FAQs thendrop them to another page.

    Hopefully this is helpfull. It's definitely not everything but a good start. I pulled this from something that i read recently regarding contents of a slaes letter. I don't use all of these elements but am reviewing it for my own work. Could be good for your flow.

    Grab Attention
    Identify Problem
    Provide Solution
    Present Credentials
    Show Benefits
    Social Proof
    Make Offer
    Inject Scarcity
    Guarantee
    Call to action
    Warning
    Close w/reminder
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  • Profile picture of the author Mint-Tree
    Woohoo... Thanks ~H ;...

    LOL... I totally agree with you with the many color distraction + the many colored box , I was *trying* to demonstrate all of the possibility/boxes you can use for the sales page (7 color in total =)...

    Anyway, thank you for your critic...

    Now, I'll have to "re-read" & apply your suggestions ...
    Signature

    ~Mint Tree~

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  • Profile picture of the author TheMagicShow
    I'll tell you this much, having a testimonial from the same guy -- and using it 3 times will not cut it. Testimonials lend credibility, you need to either use one testimonial -- or get more people to evaluate your product.
    Signature

    " You can either give a man a fish and feed him for a day OR teach him how to catch a fish and it will feed him for a lifetime"

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  • Profile picture of the author Adaptive
    Hi,

    I started to read but then it says STOP so I stopped.

    Just kidding but that is a confusing way to start a letter. And the ?!? is a confusing way to end the STOP banner.

    Instead of "almost instantly (in just 10 seconds)" I'd just put "in only 10 seconds."

    "Pulling your exhausted brain" is a strange mixed metaphor, somewhere between pulling out one's hair and straining one's brain.

    The headline says 10 seconds, then the subject line says 30 seconds.

    Should be "still loosing."

    Wow just a few lines in and lots of confusion. You really need to read this to someone outside the marketing niche and ask them, "suppose you knew what html and wordpress were, other than the jargon does this make sense?"

    Wpain? Neurotic breakage? Is this some mixture of HTML and pop psychology at its worst?

    And now there's yet another color of highlighting?

    "Now easily convert" - who said that and why does it repeat the subject line an inch above?

    I hope "this is an example of testimonial" is a placeholder for a real headline.

    Ultra magical/professional? Is that Merlin wearing a suit and tie?

    Sorry, I couldn't stand to continue any more... I'm not ultra magical professional enough to make it through all the features.

    You might have a killer offer for an eager market, but I couldn't wade through the whole sales letter to figure it out.

    Regards,
    Allen

    P.S. to make my review more closely match your visual :pstyle :confused: I added some :rolleyes: smilies.
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    • Profile picture of the author jonb
      I think you need to answer the question right up front: Why would I want to convert html to Wordpress?

      Show some examples of how being able to do that would be a great help. What kind of things would I be able to do? How will it help my business?

      I'd structure it something like:

      1. being able to convert html to WP will revolutionize your online presence. You'll be able to do x! and y! and z!

      2. but, until now, it was a real hassle. Hours of work!

      3. not any more, thanks to this baby!

      you start with #2 and assume we already know #1. Don't make that assumption. Tempt us with all the goodness of this cool technique -- and then do the problem/solution tango. It will make the tone much more positive.
      Signature

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