Any Experts Eilling To Comment On My Copy?

If you care about establishing credibility with your buyers for the long term, put a "once only" script in the HTML.

As it stands now, your buyers can simply bookmark the page and come back to it anytime they want.

A couple pointers:

1. Increase the font size of your headline
2. You're using the headline swipe incorrectly. Go back and look at the original and ask yourself why it worked so well. Then redo your headline.

Alex

Important: There Has Never Before Been A More In-Depth Report That Covers Demodectic Treatments & Cures...



I would change report to "system, program," etc. Report sounds like I have to do a lot or reading, which could be boring, no matter how great your "report" is.




This "Demodex Treatment" report reveals simplistic information on diagnosing and treating your dog, so your dog can be as happy and healthy as can be...


I try to avoid using repeat words. Try:
...leaving your dog happier and healthier than ever before.


"You see demodectic mites can be treated it's just that it can cost some money for the medications that the vets recommend."



Grammar. Rewritten as:


You see demodectic mites can be treated - it's just that it can cost some money for the medications that the vets recommend.



Also, with this sentence, I'm now confused. Is your system going to cost me money and medication from the vets? Or are you saying that this is what it's normally like, but you have something better?



I am also going to throw in some surprise bonuses JUST If You TAKE ACTION today!

As a THANK YOU to YOU for getting my
FREE REPORT..
I'm Giving You A Chance To Purchase It For Just $5 If You Act Today!


To much bolding and over the top caps here. The CTA's could be stronger too.


Also, you call it a free report, and then say it costs $5...


Also, overall you could build the suffering factor for the dog/owner. Talk more about what a dog-owner relationship means, why it's so fulfilling and special, and how you know that they're willing to do anything to their dog.



- Stefan

Great suggestions that I will definitely immplement thanks and I would appreciate more ...

Well...did you write this yourself?

Seems you're selling this info pretty cheap...maybe you could get more for it.

Does this apply to cats also?

If your dog has a sign of hair loss, loss of appetite and intensive scratching then you need this report.

Hmmm...if you took the word "dog" out...this could maybe also apply to some humans...just a thought.


As a THANK YOU to YOU for getting my
FREE REPORT..
I'm Giving You A Chance To Purchase It For Just $5 If You Act Today!

This part confused me..."free report"...then you're asking for $5?

A couple thoughts:

You said your dog was a female.

I'd maybe go with a headline like: "My Bitch Had Mange".

That's an attention grabber there.

The whole "They laughed" part...I'm thinking I heard that somewhere once from another headline...

"The secret is yours for one low price", doesn't sound right. I'd leave that part out.