Non Copywriter Needs a bit of feedback

Disassociate yourself from this homepage wording for a moment Ray. Tell yourself this isn't your website you're working on. It belongs to another website design team.

So on looking around the web for ideas how to position this company in the marketplace, you came across this paragraph which had been put together by one of your competitors...

"The continuity, committed to by STE's guardianship, of the timber product manufacturing tradition in Dumfries on the Solway coast, ensures that past customers are dealing with a known quantity and can feel safe in the knowledge that STE maintain the highest standards of design, manufacture, delivery and support that they have come to expect."

Now, what would you honestly think to yourself in your own mind if you read this, saw it for what it really is? Does this kind of wording make you want to give this company your business or just yawn out of sheer boredom?

"The continuity..." What? Come again mate!

"STE's guardianship..." What the blazing dickens?

"...dealing with a known quantity..." So what, what's in it for me? That's all I'm interested in. How this business is going to solve my current problem.

Would you honestly say the wording you've chosen to use in it's current form, this kind of wording is enticing?

Is it truthfully, really inviting the website visitor building up within them a strong desire to take the next logical step to find out more about this company?

No, it's not. There's nothing here for the website visitor to latch on to. There's no hook. The bait is as good as useless. Its not going to lure these fish, these ideal customers in. It's not going to hook their interest or maintain their attention span long enough for them to care either way about giving this company their business.

So the question naturally arises, who taught you to write like this? Who taught you, what environment were you in which said it was okay to communicate a company benefits in such a drab, dry, barren manner?

Who are you trying to impress here? You're not writing this for people who only have an interest in technical jargon. You're supposed to be writing this for individuals who, would you believe it, have emotional thoughts and feelings. By gum, this is their home you're talking about here, not a rabbit hutch for goodness sake!

A home where all the joys of family life are to take shape. The centre piece of their entire life, where they share laughter, good times, sad times, eat together, communicate with one another, make love and all kinds of other emotionally intense experiences.

It's not about detaching emotion from people's individual lives. It's about putting ownership of their home, the very essence of their entire being into their hands allowing them to touch, taste, and feel the environment within which they'll be spending much of their time.

I'm not suggesting wishy washy gooey emotional language but there is a balance between using warm words to convey positive associations and attachment to a company products and services...

...as opposed to simply using cold, clinical language devoid of any real meaning which is going to alienate the very people this company is trying to reach.

Self build enthusiasts have very divergent interests usually centred around the environment, ecology, permaculture, living systems and most importantly have a strong interest in other people.

They love creating a good atmosphere, somewhere filled with joy and laughter. In short they love celebrating life. They're enthused with the idea of taking control over their lives, doing things differently to the mainstream. They enjoy thinking outside the box, lateral thinking, psychology and human nature.

It is to these personality traits you want this sales copy to appeal to.

Question, once you've identified the exact audience / buyers market this product appeals to most, next write down the dominant thoughts, feelings, and emotions going through their mind as they seek out the perfect solution to their current problem. Then start writing the sales copy for this business.

Going for the generic one size fits all model of writing in the vain hope one or two fish might come along and take the hook is mere wishful thinking.

You need to be a lot more direct and know exactly to which audience you're solving a problem for. And then tailor the wording to their emotions so these visitors to the website resonate emotionally with the benefits on offer.

I hope you find this added info to be of some use.

Smoking hot,


Mark Andrews

P.S. The crux of the matter is... you need to identify through market research what the dominant emotional trigger is (of the target market) to direct these people into a direct call to action of the company owners choosing.

Hello, and this will be my first post on the forum...Yay!

Re your website

Where are the FREE goodies? As a visitor, i need something - anything. Teach me something i didn't know. Demonstrate "Solway timber Engineering staff are [] technical specialists". Tell me an obscure technique or a 'trick' that will save me time...

Even if its a tip on how to save my garden fence, or a way for me to save money by knowing how to test my wooden frames for dry-rot or whatever. I recall an aerial website i went to once. There was advice on there about EVERYTHING. They guy talked about the different frequency of TV signals and how this spectrum required different aerials, and why if you had say A band and D band why that was bad or awkward to get a single aerial solution. He listed WHERE the local broadcast antennas were so i could be sure i was aligning my own aerial before buying a new one. I knew this guy was an expert and if ever i need an aerial - i will seek him out again. This is the reciprocity effect. You give something, then you can ask for something. But, if you give first, you "earn" the right not to ask for something just once, but over and over. If you make it compelling enough, people will share: And there is the second influencing factor: Consensus or "social proof"

Im still learning, but its ALL about the customer. "Twenty years of tradition" - great, how does that directly translate to the experience im going to have with the company? And, maybe tradition means "unchanging" or "done the old ways" -

Won any accolades or awards in your industry? If so, that's another influencing factor: Authority. Peoples critical thinking switches off when information comes from an Authority... (Any logos you can stick on there - youre a sustainable provider? Is there a certification? etc...etc...)

"Contact Us"..... yeah and everyone else! "For an unbeatable experience, get your wood on and call us"...

ISO'd? If so, wear the logo.

Its all about eco too: "STOP!!!!!! Before you buy hacked down Brazilian rain Forest you should know about ............"

The feel i get from the landing page is of STE's commitment. And thats fine, but commitment is normally part of the sales closing process. Your site leads with it - which is why imho, it comes across as "rushing for the sale". Its telling me about the benefits of using STE when really, it's not about the benefit per se, its about the result, as a customer. And the customer ALWAYS wants to feel good. -> Fast car, feels good. -> Earn big money, feels good. ->Lives in luxury designer house, feels good.

"individually manufactures to exact specification" - is, well.. just what it is:emotionless - remember, most people buy on emotion.

Lovingly crafted? Designed to meet customers needs and exceed expectations..? Be confident in our project management, take the next step and embark on a wonderful journey...Perfection delivered time and time again... Nothing is more satisfying than building your home for your family- or whoever it's pitched at.

Sales copy in a nutshell:

HOOK -> SALT -> Emotional "Word/Picture" -> Call to action.

Nice clean layout though... rock on! Hope this is a nudge in the right direction and not too harsh! All with the best intent:

JR