Newb looking to see if I'm on the right track!

15 years ago

Hi Daniel.

The first thing that came to mind is that your backup for why people would need to switch to solar doesn't have enough real benefits clear to the reader. For instance, is there a specific amount they can save? Average person will save X amount, etc. Simply stating this as a real number can be one way to get closer to the reader's needs (if it's a money savings) or perhaps specific C02 savings (if the win for the reader is more of a green angle).

Personally I think the part you mention about having a $250 budget is pretty compelling. I think the average user might be interested in learning about that more, but it seems to be buried down deep. If I was going to pitch this I might start with that in mind ("I'm just an average guy in Michigan and I could only scrape together $250 for this experiment before my wife cut me off at the knees..." etc). Just a thought.

I hope this helps -- good luck.

Thanks

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gogetim_3

15 years ago

Thank you that really helped me out. I'm kind of going after both people who want to save money and at the same time go green. Your opinoin would be greatly appreciated. Do you think I should choose either save money or go after the green people?

Sorry but one more thing about this: ("I'm just an average guy in Michigan and I could only scrape together $250 for this experiment before my wife cut me off at the knees..." Should I start my copy with this.

Everything was very helpful thank you

Daniel

Thanks

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arepb

15 years ago

I'm not sure, but there is a lot of evidence to support doing two different programs if you have two different audiences. It's sort of like trying to tell your buddies and your mother in the law the same joke. Maybe it's best to just do two different jokes, know what I mean?

The story angle is always the strongest, so there could be benefit in putting some story up high. But I'd probably expand on what I wrote (which was done off the cuff) to include a real reader benefit. What is the ultimate benefit for this user? Being able to show his neighbors he has glass sloar panels on the roof? Saving $250? Saving $2000 over 12 months? I'm not sure, but you should be able to answer this if you know the market well. If you don't know the market well enough to answer this, maybe it would be good to do some target research on this type of product. What are competitors selling, what language are they using etc?

Thanks
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gogetim_3

15 years ago

Originally Posted by arepb

I'm not sure, but there is a lot of evidence to support doing two different programs if you have two different audiences. It's sort of like trying to tell your buddies and your mother in the law the same joke. Maybe it's best to just do two different jokes, know what I mean?

The story angle is always the strongest, so there could be benefit in putting some story up high. But I'd probably expand on what I wrote (which was done off the cuff) to include a real reader benefit. What is the ultimate benefit for this user? Being able to show his neighbors he has glass sloar panels on the roof? Saving $250? Saving $2000 over 12 months? I'm not sure, but you should be able to answer this if you know the market well. If you don't know the market well enough to answer this, maybe it would be good to do some target research on this type of product. What are competitors selling, what language are they using etc?

Thanks again I'm trying to soak up all of your info!

Thanks

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briancassingena

15 years ago

The main problem you have is the clickbank link to the energy2green product. How many of your readers are interested in buying something like this, clicking onto this site and buying there? Sure you take a cut but you lose the customer.

With your page once you get rid of that, you can start by modeling the copy on the energy2green sales page. It's only OK, not world class by any means, but it will be a great starting point for you. Also take note of the formatting, how they do their boxes, etc. Although I would advise that site owner to get rid ov everything above the headline.

Thanks
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gogetim_3

15 years ago

Originally Posted by briancassingena

The main problem you have is the clickbank link to the energy2green product. How many of your readers are interested in buying something like this, clicking onto this site and buying there? Sure you take a cut but you lose the customer.

With your page once you get rid of that, you can start by modeling the copy on the energy2green sales page. It's only OK, not world class by any means, but it will be a great starting point for you. Also take note of the formatting, how they do their boxes, etc. Although I would advise that site owner to get rid ov everything above the headline.

Hi Bryan,
My entire goal for this page was to get to readers pumped on this product and take action. So really I would love everyone of my readers to buy. I can maybe throw in an opt-in so I won't loose the customer. I think thats where you were trying to tell me maybe!

Thanks

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travlinguy

15 years ago

I think your offer looks interesting. You've got many grammar and punctuation issues. I'd suggest getting a proofreader and/or editor to tune the page up for you. To many people, it won't matter. Others, like me for example, won't read copy that doesn't flow easily. Good Luck!

Thanks

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Adaptive

15 years ago

Hi, Daniel.

You've got a good start with the domain name, your story and the way you set up the offer.

You definitely do need someone with a good eye for detail to help you with editing and proofreading.

Now I must say I'm not off the grid I still have to pay my monthly bill because my family uses electricity like crazy. But I have cut my bill by almost 50% which helps me a lot and makes me feel better that I'm doing my part for the environment.

You should really make this the headline and key theme:
Cut your electric bill in half with a simple investment of a few hundred dollars
New technology and my techniques make this a project any do-it-yourselfer can succeed at
You don't have to be an electrician or a genius to save your family money and help the environment
Even if you're not in the "sunbelt" solar panels can cut your power bill dramatically!
etc.

Regards,
Allen

Thanks
1 reply

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gogetim_3

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Adaptive

Hi, Daniel.

You've got a good start with the domain name, your story and the way you set up the offer.

You definitely do need someone with a good eye for detail to help you with editing and proofreading.

You should really make this the headline and key theme:
Cut your electric bill in half with a simple investment of a few hundred dollars
New technology and my techniques make this a project any do-it-yourselfer can succeed at
You don't have to be an electrician or a genius to save your family money and help the environment
Even if you're not in the "sunbelt" solar panels can cut your power bill dramatically!
etc.

Regards,
Allen

Thanks Allen,
Yeah I really do need someone to proof read thanks I should be working on that today as well.

I'll take your advise, your headline and I will stick to one benefit which would be to save some cash!

Daniel

Thanks

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AnarchyAds Banned 15 years ago

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- Pat-Graham 15 years ago
  
  I just got off your page and have a few suggestions that might help you.
  
  #1...I think your headline should be larger to attract attention. Right now it sort of blends into the page and isn't the eyeball grabber you want.
  
  #2...Get a proofreader or copywriter to improve your punctuation, spelling and grammar some. Your ideas and enthusiasm for the topic are very good, but the sloppy English puts people off and dampens your credibility a lot.
  
  Hope that helps you...Pat Graham
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  Loren Woirhaye 15 years ago
  
  This totally reminds me of a classc Eugene Schwartz ad for
  gas-saving device (he had a few, but I think the one I mean
  is for spark plugs... er... "fire plugs") -
  
  You've made a really good start. Your layout looks amateurish,
  which isn't always bad. Your spelling is off.
  
  move this "My names Daniel and believe it or not, I'm just your average guy in California, and like your average guy I didn't have tons of money lying around. I could only scrape together $250.00 for my own Solar panel expiriment before my lovely wife cut me off at the knees." - to lower in the letter.
  
  Lead with benefit, benefit, benefit. Try to think in terms
  of the results people will get.
  
  >satisfaction of DIY
  >admiration of friends - reverse (earthy-crunchy) social prestige
  >good with the wife
  >save money
  >feel good about environment
  >feel smarter than other people
  >be a perceived authority on the subject
  
  There are more too. Good ad, IMO.
  
  Thanks
  
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gogetim_3

15 years ago

Thanks guys for all your help I'm going to try and implement everything you guys have suggested.

Thanks

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