What's wrong with my copy?

by iRunThis

Posted: 11 years ago 10 replies

COPY WRITING

Hey guys,

I'm not a regular over here in the copywriting section. I'm here because my sales copy is only converting at 1%. I followed the checklist in the sticky section, and had a few "non-copywriters" confirm that the copy is good. It's still doing a terrible job and I'm thinking that it's the sales copy causing it to convert so low. The product is $7 so it can't be the price point.

If anybody would take a look at it and let me know what I can do to improve it, or even give your insights as to what you think may be causing the low conversion rate if it's not the sales copy, that would be highly appreciated.

Please post below if you think you can help me out and I'll send you a PM with a link to my sales page.

Thanks in advance,
JaVaun T

Disclaimer: This is not an attempt to try and sell anyone. If you helped me out, and you decide that you want to take a look at my e-book, I'll send it over for free as a "thank you". The e-book has nothing to do with copywriting. I am simply requesting to post here and I'll PM you the link because I'm monitoring traffic on the sales page and keeping statistics.

#copy #wrong

emsgroup

11 years ago

Send over a PM.

Dale

Thanks
1 reply

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iRunThis

11 years ago

Originally Posted by emsgroup

Send over a PM.

Dale

Sent!

Thanks a lot man. I really appreciate it.

JaVaun T

Thanks
1 reply

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"Grammar: The difference between knowing your sh*t, and knowing you're sh*t." -A Wise Man

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ewenmack

11 years ago

Could be the message isn't right for your traffic source.

May be your readers think there is a catch
as to why the price is so low.

The overall message may not match a urgent want.

There may be lack of proof.

what you offer may not be easy to understand.

At first glance it may sound like other ads,
therefore the readers tune out.

Some on this checklist you can use yourself.

Others will need a well trained eye for plugging
the holes.

You are welcome to send over what you've
got to review.

Best,
Ewen

P.S.

It would be great for others here if you
Allow me to post my critique here,
so others can learn. I won't show your ad or name
your domain.

Thanks
1 reply

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iRunThis

11 years ago

Originally Posted by ewenmack

It would be great for others here if you
Allow me to post my critique here,
so others can learn. I won't show your ad or name
your domain.

Yeah I don't mind you posting the critique here at all.

Thanks man. Pm'ing it now!
JaVaun T

Thanks
1 reply

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"Grammar: The difference between knowing your sh*t, and knowing you're sh*t." -A Wise Man

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ewenmack

11 years ago

Ok iRunThis and interested viewers...

here's the big thinking to get this on track,
not about headlines, words and offers.

Getting the right thinking will beat out only mixing and matching of words.

The subject is about email marketing.

His traffic is from the Warrior Forum.

At first appearance it looks like a me-too product.

So how do we get over it without just re-arranging
the deck chairs on the Titanic?

Since I know nothing about what information is inside the product
I have to find another place to position him as the only choice.

Buyers have many options,
including doing nothing to change their situation.

So we gotta knock them out.

We do this by drawing attention to the state of the market now
and the problems they agree exists in it.

Next we show and demonstrate where the market has shifted to now.
Use data to back this up.

Then you name the different approaches that have worked before,
but either are or becoming impotent.

This gives the reader understanding why what they are doing isn't working.

Now you have them hooked.

Time to unveil the new solution, the only one for this new buyer behaviour.

See how this smoothly resets the buying criteria?

Starting by getting the reader to agree things are tough in this marketplace.

Give reasons why, back it up with data for proof.

You are allowing the reader to understand why things aren't working.

And you are the only person who has brought this market intelligence.

Now you are the prize.

You have jumped from a lowly seller to above peer to next rung up
the social status, leader.

Higher price acceptance comes with your new status.

Wish you well.
Ewen

Thanks
1 reply

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iRunThis

11 years ago

Originally Posted by ewenmack

We do this by drawing attention to the state of the market now
and the problems they agree exists in it.

Next we show and demonstrate where the market has shifted to now.
Use data to back this up.

Then you name the different approaches that have worked before,
but either are or becoming impotent.

This gives the reader understanding why what they are doing isn't working.

Now you have them hooked.

Time to unveil the new solution, the only one for this new buyer behaviour.

Wish you well.
Ewen

Got it. I can send you a copy of the product if it will help you help me at all. It covers everything from the basics of setting up a squeeze page to advanced techniques of promoting to your list and driving traffic.

Do you have any examples of sales pages that do what you say about explaining how the market has shifted and where the market is now? I'm confused on that part. Do you mean explain where the market is now in regards to people making money? People selling products?

---How is this?--- Is this what you mean?

"When you look through the WSO Forum, you'll see that a lot of people make money by selling products that teach others how to make money. They never actually use the techniques that they are selling.

They come up with these theories that all sound great in our heads, until we actually take action and realize that they don't work.

People are selling magic bullets that will turn you into a millionaire overnight, when in reality, that's impossible!

You need a method:

That is proven to work
That is used to make money by the person selling it
That will build you a legit business making you passive income online forever
That has the potential to make thousands while you sleep by simply typing up an email before bed

You need [INTRODUCE PRODUCT HERE]

"

Is that what you mean by drawing attention to the state of the market and providing my product as the solution?

Also would something like this go before the header? Or after the header? Would you recommend me remove anything that's already included in the sales page?

Thanks
1 reply

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"Grammar: The difference between knowing your sh*t, and knowing you're sh*t." -A Wise Man

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ewenmack

11 years ago

You are going too broad in your approach.

And you are not digging up research.

You are going after money making on the internet.

Your product is about email marketing so the theme is about it.

So the market intelligence will be about why so many are failing at it.

What are the reasons people aren't opening their emails as much now.
Find the data on it.

Find out what marketers are doing to cause this change.

Find out what they have done to improve their results.

Find out what the people are doing to block out marketers new tactics.

It's set up for making them feel lost for answers.

Only if you follow the process I laid out.

It will mean digging deep in your research and arranging your
findings to set out a compelling case in each step.

Don't be fooled into just re-arranging words.

People are too intelligent to be fooled by word trickery.

Best,
Ewen

Originally Posted by iRunThis

That is proven to work
That is used to make money by the person selling it
That will build you a legit business making you passive income online forever
That has the potential to make thousands while you sleep by simply typing up an email before bed

[INTRODUCE PRODUCT HERE]

"

Is that what you mean by drawing attention to the state of the market and providing my product as the solution?

[ 2 ] Thanks

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Quality Copywriter 11 years ago

Hi there

Send it over...I'll take a look
- Thanks
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eugenedm 11 years ago

I think that you may be overlooking the price.
I would test the price as well because if it's too low and your product is valuable it should cost more.

Try that.
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sethczerepak 11 years ago

If you're still looking for feedback, PM me a link. Just an FYI though, low price points aren't always good for conversions. If the person suspects the product is garbage (which a dirt cheap price certainly suggests, at least to a higher value buyer), they won't buy it at any price.
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