Please help review my sales letters/pages

8 replies
Hello,

How are you today? Please I am a newbie when it comes to selling online.

I have some clients who have written books (hardcopies) that want to sell it online.

I built websites for these ebooks and have made some few sales.

However, I will like you advice with regards to copywriting.

Can you kindly take a look at this pages:

Biafra's Struggle For Survival (the book)
Nigeria Must Survive
Ten C's For Balanced Living

So rather than writing sales letters for these books, I used the introductions/forwards to the books written by the authors.

What do you think of the write-ups? Are they convincing enough?

Also what do you think of the website design?

Is there anything you can suggest for me to make it better?

Thanks.

Chinedu
#letters or pages #review #sales
  • Profile picture of the author japaneseinked
    Originally Posted by buildingewealth View Post

    Hello,

    How are you today? Please I am a newbie when it comes to selling online.

    I have some clients who have written books (hardcopies) that want to sell it online.

    I built websites for these ebooks and have made some few sales.

    However, I will like you advice with regards to copywriting.

    Can you kindly take a look at this pages:

    Biafra's Struggle For Survival (the book)
    Nigeria Must Survive
    Ten C's For Balanced Living

    So rather than writing sales letters for these books, I used the introductions/forwards to the books written by the authors.

    What do you think of the write-ups? Are they convincing enough?

    Also what do you think of the website design?

    Is there anything you can suggest for me to make it better?

    Thanks.

    Chinedu
    First off, always check your grammar and run a spell check. In your first link the word "organised" should be "organized" and "manourvres" should be "maneuvers". Secondly, check to see what the page looks like. In your first link "Signal’s" "“Araba”" "“Jihad”". That's already a put off for most readers.

    The article in the first link, in my opinion, is too long. It reads more like a summary than a review. Even though you are doing a review, you are still trying to sell the book. No?

    Think of a review as pre-selling and provide a soft call to action at the end.
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    • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
      Originally Posted by japaneseinked View Post

      First off, always check your grammar and run a spell check. In your first link the word "organised" should be "organized" and "manourvres" should be "maneuvers". Secondly, check to see what the page looks like. In your first link "Signal’s" "“Araba”" "“Jihad”". That's already a put off for most readers.

      The article in the first link, in my opinion, is too long. It reads more like a summary than a review. Even though you are doing a review, you are still trying to sell the book. No?

      Think of a review as pre-selling and provide a soft call to action at the end.

      Organised is a recognized British spelling of the word. Organized is American. Most Americans can read British English and vice versa.

      To the OP - I have only skimmed the copy, but I can tell you off the bat that the large blocks of text are a turn-off, as is the overly poetic and literary language. I don't care about the story and I'm not going to read any of that.

      Your first step is cutting that down by as much as half, and then getting a proof-reader or editor. And decide whether you're writing with British English spelling or American English spelling - mixing the two will not work. I'd rather spend time figuring out what you can do to sell than correcting basic spelling and grammar.
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      • Profile picture of the author buildingewealth
        Originally Posted by angiecolee View Post

        Organised is a recognized British spelling of the word. Organized is American. Most Americans can read British English and vice versa.

        To the OP - I have only skimmed the copy, but I can tell you off the bat that the large blocks of text are a turn-off, as is the overly poetic and literary language. I don't care about the story and I'm not going to read any of that.

        Your first step is cutting that down by as much as half, and then getting a proof-reader or editor. And decide whether you're writing with British English spelling or American English spelling - mixing the two will not work. I'd rather spend time figuring out what you can do to sell than correcting basic spelling and grammar.
        Hi,

        Thanks for your nice inputs. Based on what you have suggested, I will get someone to edit the write up for me and the person will ensure that the write-ups are in British English.

        I will also reduce the large blocks of text. I will cut them down into two.

        More still, do you suggest that I write another review but this time make it shorter or write the review like a sales letter as people do in Clickbank.

        Thanks once again for your help.

        Chinedu
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    • Profile picture of the author buildingewealth
      Originally Posted by japaneseinked View Post

      First off, always check your grammar and run a spell check. In your first link the word "organised" should be "organized" and "manourvres" should be "maneuvers". Secondly, check to see what the page looks like. In your first link "Signal’s" "“Araba”" "“Jihad”". That's already a put off for most readers.

      The article in the first link, in my opinion, is too long. It reads more like a summary than a review. Even though you are doing a review, you are still trying to sell the book. No?

      Think of a review as pre-selling and provide a soft call to action at the end.
      Hello japaneseinked,

      Thanks for the comments.

      1. I edited the Biafra webpage yesterday from my Galaxy tab and that was while that mistake came up but I have uploaded it again.

      2. The write for there in Biafra's Struggle For Survival (the book) is the introduction of the book.

      So I took the introduction and put it as the sales letter.

      So do you think that I shorten it?

      Or do you think I should write it as other sales letters you see in Clickbank?

      3. You said;

      "Think of a review as pre-selling and provide a soft call to action at the end."

      So if it should be for pre-selling, then do I need another marketing material after that to further the sale and can you explain more about what you mean by "a soft call to action at the end".

      Thanks once again and I great appreciate your assistance.

      Chinedu
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  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill View Post

    Send review copies to review sites. Us the reviews to sell your books. Finally, sell them through Amazon and B&N. Your stuff is too wordy. Cut your copy to about two paragraphs. Get someone to edit for you.
    I agree that reviews sell books, but I think the writing needs some work before you ask for reviews. You'll get much better results.

    However, I believe you should rethink your strategy and write something short and sales...why not?

    Personally, and I suspect other people on this thread will agree, I never read the inside of a book first. I read the back cover, which usually has a short pitch for the book followed by a list of strong reviews.

    If I like what I see there, I'll take a look inside. Why not give them both options? A sales message allows you to compress ALL the benefits of the entire book into one paragraph so the reader can get an idea of where the book will take them.

    Too much commitment to read the intro and try to find that out, I'd rather know before reading.

    That's all I've got time for, but just a suggestion in the general tone of the writing:

    "Our life is a mission. We are here for a purpose. It is only when we direct our whole attention towards the achievement of our earthly mission that we would be able to reap the fruit of the existential struggle which is happiness."

    ...make it more YOU focused, use questions to get the reader's mind engaged (instead of just stating things) and trim it down, it's too wordy...

    "You're here for a purpose. What would happen if you knew this purpose, and focused ALL your energy on fulfilling it?"

    See how that get's into their head and gets them involved? That's your job, give the reader their own role in the story and make them a co-creator, they'll be more likely to get lost in the content, which is what you want.

    Good luck with it.
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    • Profile picture of the author buildingewealth
      Originally Posted by sethczerepak View Post

      I agree that reviews sell books, but I think the writing needs some work before you ask for reviews. You'll get much better results.

      However, I believe you should rethink your strategy and write something short and sales...why not?

      Personally, and I suspect other people on this thread will agree, I never read the inside of a book first. I read the back cover, which usually has a short pitch for the book followed by a list of strong reviews.

      If I like what I see there, I'll take a look inside. Why not give them both options? A sales message allows you to compress ALL the benefits of the entire book into one paragraph so the reader can get an idea of where the book will take them.

      Too much commitment to read the intro and try to find that out, I'd rather know before reading.

      That's all I've got time for, but just a suggestion in the general tone of the writing:

      "Our life is a mission. We are here for a purpose. It is only when we direct our whole attention towards the achievement of our earthly mission that we would be able to reap the fruit of the existential struggle which is happiness."

      ...make it more YOU focused, use questions to get the reader's mind engaged (instead of just stating things) and trim it down, it's too wordy...

      "You're here for a purpose. What would happen if you knew this purpose, and focused ALL your energy on fulfilling it?"

      See how that get's into their head and gets them involved? That's your job, give the reader their own role in the story and make them a co-creator, they'll be more likely to get lost in the content, which is what you want.

      Good luck with it.
      Hi sethczerepak,

      Thanks for your assistance.

      Now do you think that I should just simple write what is at the back of the book instead of putting up the entire introduction?

      Here is what is written at the back of the book;


      *****
      "Biafra’s Struggle For Survival is unique in the countless literature on Africa’s most savage civil war because of its privileged posture as an inside story recorded by General Odumegwu Ojukwu’s Army Aide-de-Camp (ADC).

      C. Ejiofor’s detailed account of the horrors of that conflict, then, is told with a clear ring of truth absent from most earlier records, with the author’s easy access to classified data about internal and external reactions in the course of so called “war efforts”.

      This fact is indeed a welcome departure showing, as nothing else can, that the Biafran struggle was a people’s movement whereby Ojukwu was compelled to take directives for the mood of the people from the outset of the first and second military coups that precipitated the wholesome massacres of Igbos across the Nigerian state.

      This chilling story, written with a disarming simplicity that makes it easily digestible to the ordinary layman, also serves as a reminder that the Biafran debacle was a truly national struggle and NOT an ‘oil crisis’, as has been popularly misrepresented.

      The reader will be held spell-bound by the passion and accuracy of someone who lived through the intensity of the nightmare as the insurmountable odds against Biafra increased, and there is no reason why C. Ejifor’s story, comprehensive from all perspectives should not take its place as a classic of war-time literature."
      *****


      Will that serve as the sales letter or does it need to be longer?

      Once more, I appreciate your help.

      Chinedu
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  • Profile picture of the author buildingewealth
    Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill View Post

    Send review copies to review sites. Us the reviews to sell your books. Finally, sell them through Amazon and B&N. Your stuff is too wordy. Cut your copy to about two paragraphs. Get someone to edit for you.
    Hello Ken,

    Thanks for your input. Please can you send me a list of review websites?

    I will reduce the write ups by half.

    Thanks once again for your help.

    Chinedu
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