How to Make This Site Convert Better?

by JaniG
8 replies
Hey Guys Jani G here and you may recognise me
from Twitter Traffic Exposed.

I wanted to see if there was anything i could do to this site, to make it convert better

also what do you think of the sales copy

Twitter Traffic Exposed - How to Cash in Big From Twitter & Get Targeted Traffic on Demand!

thanks

Jani
#convert #make #site
  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    I think if you are making big bucks from Twitter traffic you
    should consider becoming a client..
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  • Profile picture of the author Kevin Lam
    Jani, you're doing a great job. Keep it up.
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  • Profile picture of the author ajiabs
    It is a very good copy. Only negatives i can think is , its too long. How is your conversion at this point?

    For the discount offer, you might want give some more explanation of how the password is not stored at your site. Its really hard to convince people about the safety of their account password.
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  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    Your headline needs to be less than 140 characters...

    (sorry, couldn't resist!)

    You've done a good job trying to get al of the "must have" copy elements in the letter... and you're doing all the "right things" in terms of theory... Way ahead of the majority of critiques requested on the forum.

    What's missing to me, is the CRAFT of the letter, the story, the intrigue and magnetic pull. In other words, the PERSONALITY of the letter is somewhat cliche and dull.

    The letter needs a hook -- and "make money with Twitter" ain't it.

    Since you're talking about Twitter which is white hot right now, you've got a variety of cool angles to work from... the from nothing comes something amazing thanks to Twitter story... the Twitter elite HATE you for making money on Twitter while you laugh at them on the way to the bank story... the transform Twitter from a time-sucking addiction into a profit generating machine story... and on and on.

    It's the panache that's missing. You've bumped into all of the angles above at one point or another in the copy but almost accidentally.

    I was really only half-joking about the headline -- the headline and deck should be scrapped and rewritten based on some of the things I mentioned above. It's not doing you any favors right now.

    Best,

    Brian
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  • Profile picture of the author Adaptive
    Hi Jani,

    The right side portrait (I guess that's you) is too dark. Could both of you get photographed outside, wearing light shirts so your faces show up with good contrast?

    There are a few minor proofreading fixes that could be made. Otherwise, it seems like a classic long sales letter... but missing a couple of things. I agree with Brian about how we really don't have any feel for who you guys are as individuals or as businessmen. Also, you don't make an emotional connection to feeling baffled by Twitter... mystified as to why it's not just a silly fad... frustrated that your high follower count didn't turn into a flow of money... upset that you hadn't figured it out yet... surprised by the non-intuitive thing you tried... amazed that it worked... delighted it could be reproduced... relieved that you'd never be lost again in Twitterland. Where's the feeling of the letter? As it is now, it's like a report by Mr. Spock.

    Imagine if your sales letter was made into a big Hollywood movie. Where would the music swell up and put a tear in your eye?

    Regards,
    Allen
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  • Profile picture of the author wrcato
    Your letter is adverage. It did not make me want to whip out my wallet. You need more bonuses. Or at least the promise of more bonuses after the launch. And that brings up another problem with the copy that made me stop and think. If you haven't launch yet then why am I reading and able to purchase your product today?

    Trust me you launched your product. The customer knows that you launched your product and therefore you have lied to them. I would re-write the launch part and make it a special invite. By doing this one thing might increase your conversions somewhat.

    I also agree with loudmac, that your headline needs re-work. It doesn't flow. Exposed!
    I would definatly get rid of that in the headline. I would replace it with discover, learn or something that would make it flow. With a stronger benefit. The exclamation! mark stops the flow. Your headline would make a good "lead in" to the main headline once it is fixed.

    Peppered through out your sales copy are a lot of "stops" or red flags for me.

    Could you tell us if you wrote it or did you hire a copywriter?

    I love twitter and use it as often as possible. I have purchsed products like yours and I am willing to purchase more if... there is truthfulness, what's in it for me to purchase your product bsides what you already have. It isn't strong enough and maybe that is why your not recieving the conversion rates you want to see.

    Don't take my word for it. Do a split test.

    Also, I didn't see a form to capture leads. I would defiantly place an auto responder form with a twitter mini course or something to capture those customers that are hesitant to purchase your product or who want more information about your product. This is marketing 101.
    Signature

    William Cato
    Sit Down, Have A Cup Of Coffee
    and read my blog http://www.2ultra.com
    follow me on Twitter
    www.twitter.com/wrcato

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  • Profile picture of the author mfraser
    Hi Jani,

    I hope all is well in Twitter World and you're twitting all the way to the bank.
    I read through your copy and for what it's worth I really recommend, as LoudMac mentioned, work on your headline.

    I noticed that some of your sub-headlines further down your page are better
    attention and curiosity pique rs' than the main one.

    I like this sub-head more than your main head.

    Right Now There is a Massive Swarm of
    Traffic on Twitter That Anyone Can Tap Into to
    & Make Serious Constant Money
    ...All You Need To Know Is How

    You could also restructure the above to read:

    Right Now There is a Massive Swarm of Traffic
    on Twitter That Anyone Can Tap Into
    & Make Serious Constant Money
    ... All You Need To Know Is How

    You could also use the above as a second sub-head to a shorter more a shorter more powerful main headline:
    ATTENTION TWITTER TRAFFIC SEEKERS!
    Right Now There is a Massive Swarm of Traffic
    on Twitter That Anyone Can Tap Into
    & Make Serious Constant Money (or turn their sites into hyper-drive ATM machines)
    ... All You Need To Know Is How

    or something like this.
    ATTENTION TWITTER TRAFFIC SEEKERS!
    A unknown and simple Twitter tweak accidentally
    opened the TRAFFIC FLOOD GATES on our website
    and cause an (1058% optional specificity) Sales Explosion that even had my
    bank manager thinking I was doing something illegal....

    There are other things that need work in the body, but I don't have time right now, sorry.

    But seriously work on your headline. In an age of mind numbing barrages of mediocre marketing mayhem and a society chronically conditioned to have the attention span of a gerbil on crack, your headline REALLY HAS TO STAND OUT.

    I hope this helps.

    Cheers,

    Mike
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  • Profile picture of the author mfraser
    Sorry Jani I almost forgot. Take out the YELLOW highlights in your headline. It looks very amateurish. Gotta run. If you have any other questions let me know. I'll try to answer them.

    Lata'.
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