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WSO Sales Page Critique

by WFAlex
5 replies
Hi fellow warriors,

I know a good bunch about CPA but am totally green behind my ears when it comes to launching a WSO...

I've gone through the sticky thread (checklist) and believe I have most of the points covered already. Still, everything is going slow and so far the stats are pretty sad (4% conversion rate, $0.38 per visitor)...I've made just a bit more than it costs me to pay for a bump to the top again but would love to get some intel first.

Here it is: http://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...mo-free.html#1

Anything I could improve about the copy?
Would you make changes to the WSO thread headline?

Would really appreciate your feedback!
#critique #page #sales #wso
  • Profile picture of the author wilmath
    I don't know about CPA and presumably newcomers don't either.

    How about telling us what the letters CPA stand for in the first paragraph.
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    • Profile picture of the author tinknocker
      Originally Posted by wilmath View Post

      I don't know about CPA and presumably newcomers don't either.

      How about telling us what the letters CPA stand for in the first paragraph.




      CPA= Cost Per Action
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    Hi Alex,

    Before looking at the copy, I think you want to take a step back and look at your positioning. Because at the moment what you're selling is just another "me too" offer.

    There's nothing, at all, to set it apart from the countless other newbie MMO offers.

    And the actual offer itself is poor - $10 for one PDF (I'm assuming it's a PDF, unless I missed it your copy doesn't tell me what I'm getting). Big deal. And it's made worse by you not giving me the specifics of what's in it - only what's not.

    So the first two things I'd do are:

    Improve your offer and list all its benefits/features.

    And come up with what sets you apart from everyone else - why should an IM newbie buy your WSO as opposed to one of the countless others aimed at them?

    When you've sorted those out, you'll have a far better foundation to start looking at the problems in your copy.

    Hope this helps.
    Signature

    Andrew Gould

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  • Profile picture of the author TheSalesBooster
    You're title is weak.

    "DYNAMIC DETONATION" What the heck is that? I know it's your product name, but it shouldn't be in your title unless it's conveying a benefit.

    next thing...

    "How ANYONE With Zero Cash And Zero Experience Can FINALLY Make $1k/mo FREE"

    Your title is very bland and it's not unique. It sounds like the last WSO that was released 1 week ago, but there is a bigger problem with this title...

    You advertise your product as needing Zero Cash. Problem is.. your product costs $10. Any freebie seekers or people with no money that click on your thread aren't going to buy (Plus your copy isn't strong enough to get them to buy even if they had $10 to spare).

    next thing...

    Your headline on the sales letter is a mess. It doesn't state a benefit, it's asking a question that's pretty confusing.

    Rewrite it and highlight the benefits of your product. Get them curious and wanting to know what your product is all about.

    next thing...

    Take out that stupid disclaimer. It's doing you no favors. It's interrupting the flow and worst of it, it screams..."Hey this wso is probably going to be rehashed information you advance marketers already bought in a wso last month. Please move along so I can sell this rehashed info to newbies".

    That being said. Overall your copy is very weak. Your blind selling and it's not good enough to get people interested enough to see what your product is all about.

    You're also missing a crucial element in you copy... Proof. Show me proof that you actually make $1,000 a month doing this. Don't tell me, show me.

    Your testimonials are nice. They are probably the only reason you have any sales right now.

    I would suggest rewriting the entire thing. Set a conversion % goal and test a new sales letter and headline when you bump it.
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    • Profile picture of the author WFAlex
      Originally Posted by wilmath View Post

      I don't know about CPA and presumably newcomers don't either.

      How about telling us what the letters CPA stand for in the first paragraph.
      Yeah, CPA = cost per action/acquisition (or: getting paid for email sign-ups and form fill-outs). I assumed that with all the many CPA guides out there that I wouldn't have to explain the meaning of it. But then I realize...never assume anything when it comes to copy, right? I'll incorporate it in the rewrite.
      Originally Posted by Andrew Gould View Post

      Hi Alex,

      Before looking at the copy, I think you want to take a step back and look at your positioning. Because at the moment what you're selling is just another "me too" offer.

      There's nothing, at all, to set it apart from the countless other newbie MMO offers.

      And the actual offer itself is poor - $10 for one PDF (I'm assuming it's a PDF, unless I missed it your copy doesn't tell me what I'm getting). Big deal. And it's made worse by you not giving me the specifics of what's in it - only what's not.

      So the first two things I'd do are:

      Improve your offer and list all its benefits/features.

      And come up with what sets you apart from everyone else - why should an IM newbie buy your WSO as opposed to one of the countless others aimed at them?

      When you've sorted those out, you'll have a far better foundation to start looking at the problems in your copy.

      Hope this helps.
      Thanks a lot Andrew, that really helped. When I look at my letter with the things you mentioned in mind, I'm puzzled...how could I not see this? Embarassing. I'll make sure to be more specific in the rewrite, list benefits and list why they should get this guide instead of others.

      Originally Posted by TheSalesBooster View Post

      You're title is weak.

      "DYNAMIC DETONATION" What the heck is that? I know it's your product name, but it shouldn't be in your title unless it's conveying a benefit.

      next thing...

      "How ANYONE With Zero Cash And Zero Experience Can FINALLY Make $1k/mo FREE"

      Your title is very bland and it's not unique. It sounds like the last WSO that was released 1 week ago, but there is a bigger problem with this title...

      You advertise your product as needing Zero Cash. Problem is.. your product costs $10. Any freebie seekers or people with no money that click on your thread aren't going to buy (Plus your copy isn't strong enough to get them to buy even if they had $10 to spare).

      next thing...

      Your headline on the sales letter is a mess. It doesn't state a benefit, it's asking a question that's pretty confusing.

      Rewrite it and highlight the benefits of your product. Get them curious and wanting to know what your product is all about.

      next thing...

      Take out that stupid disclaimer. It's doing you no favors. It's interrupting the flow and worst of it, it screams..."Hey this wso is probably going to be rehashed information you advance marketers already bought in a wso last month. Please move along so I can sell this rehashed info to newbies".

      That being said. Overall your copy is very weak. Your blind selling and it's not good enough to get people interested enough to see what your product is all about.

      You're also missing a crucial element in you copy... Proof. Show me proof that you actually make $1,000 a month doing this. Don't tell me, show me.

      Your testimonials are nice. They are probably the only reason you have any sales right now.

      I would suggest rewriting the entire thing. Set a conversion % goal and test a new sales letter and headline when you bump it.
      TheSalesBooster, thanks so much for finding all these important elements that I screwed up. Like with Andrew's suggestions, when I look at my salesletter with the things you mentioned in mind, I'm amazed that I didn't think of this. And then, you discovered a bunch of things that are new to me.

      For example, I never thought about the conflict of [thread title = freebie seekers + $10 product = fail]...but what you're saying makes sense.

      The method I'm selling is definitely NOT rehashed but I can see how that disclaimer comes across as if it were. Doing more harm than good, will take it out.

      Could you quickly explain why I should set a conversion % goal? I mean, the higher the better, right? Sure, I can write a letter, read it and then say "ok, I want that letter to convert at 8.53%". But setting a goal or not, it won't influence the conversion rate of the final letter? Unfortunately, the letter doesn't care what goal I have set for it.

      Also, what exactly do you mean with "blind selling"?

      At least most of my screw-ups are clear to me now and I'm glad I've opened this thread...I've always wanted to properly learn copywriting, have already read a good bunch of books on it but it looks like I'm still in the total newbie stage when it comes to that. That's probably why I like CPA so much, definitely a lot easier to convert than a CPS offer

      Again, thanks a lot guys, your feedback was invaluable. I'll rewrite everything and see how it does with the next bump.

      Cheers!
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