would you review my sales copy?

4 replies
hi all new wso coming out shortly, i think its cool, and worthwhile but i am biase

would you mind reviewing the sales copy, any good honest reviews which are helpful will get a free copy of the software.






Power Coaching Pack


Volume 1


Done for you software that will …


“Hand You The EASIEST and MOST ETHICAL WAY to Make Money Online”


Dear Warrior


Happy New Year (Nearly)!


It´s nearly the new year, a time when people start to think about the year ahead and think about all the things they should have achieved but did not, all the dreams they dreamed but never made into reality…….


Not everyone is like you and knows that there are ways to generate some extra cash when they need it. Although you and I both know that there is money to be made online, a lot of people are too afraid, to riddled with self doubt, to anxious and disbelievers to ever consider working for themselves. They just don´t know where to start.


Let´s Face Facts


We´re facing a tough economy:


· More people are losing their jobs everyday


· Each day more people fall near, on or below the poverty line


· People are finding more month at the end of their paycheck and struggle to make ends meet


I guess you probably know a few people who have fallen on hard times too. It´s all around us and it touches everyone.


People have lost faith in themselves and the economy. They are looking for answers.


Let Me Tell You A Secret….


The large majority of people don´t know what they want, they need help in finding themselves


So many people lack confidence and don´t know how to create winning goals, let alone how to take the next step to put those goals into action.


The New Year is a New Opportunity for you With to help people while building your own successful business.


It´s Not All About You, Here´s A bit About Me!


I know copyrighters say it´s all about you the reader, but I think at this point it is important that you know where I am coming from and how I can help.


As you may know I do a lot of coaching, I love helping people and one area that I am now focussing on is helping people set goals, build confidence and get what they want especially when it comes to employment.


People are seeking out people with knowledge like you will soon have to help them


Over the last number of years I have worked with many different types of people from the unemployed people, ranging from factory workers write up to high level management who have lost their job. Guess what I found? The large majority of people have no idea how to create goals.


All of these people just went with the flow. They had a job and they were happy to plod along, not having to think about anything. Then they suddenly find themselves in a situation where they are in debt, their job is in jeopardy and they don´t know what to do. Let´s face it the world has changed, people now need to be more proactive about what they want in life rather than be reactive.


It´s Not Their Fault – they are doing what everyone told them to do, and they did it well, but heck that does not count for as much as it used to.


That´s All About To Change…..


I know something about you, you are part of the 99% who actually want to make change. You´re here reading this page, you´re interested, and you´re probably someone who can also help people bring about a lasting change.


Imagine the satisfaction of not only having made money but knowing that you have helped someone get a clearer focus on their life. You will be able to say heck today I feel like I actually helped someone and made money. It´s an amazing feeling.


You see I know you Get It, you know that you can Ethically help people and make money. You´ve probably been looking for something like this for quite some time but just never found out how you can make a difference.


Imagine again that feeling of satisfaction, of helping, making money and having more freedom for yourself…. Incredible!


Can You Handle It?


You are soon going to have the power to help people find out exactly how much they are spending and what they can cut out. Not only this you will also have the power to create a life vision for them. This is an incredibly powerful resource you see in front of you


You can now help people focus in the right direction and set out the right goals for them. Ones that they can achieve


So let´s get down to it, what´s this WSO all about?


Power Coaching Pack Vol 1


I am going to provide you with niche software which will allow you to do the following:


· {C}{C}{C}Create a life vision plans for you or your client


· {C}{C}{C}Create an accurate income and expenditure budget for those that need one


You are getting 2 different pieces of powerful software that will help you create a focused plan and budget. I call this my Power Coaching Pack and have never before released it to the general public. This is something I was using myself to generate $60 an hour pay checks or more


Don´t be fooled by how simple the software appears to be – in the right hands (which I believe are yours, this software will change lives).


Think About It


You set yourself up as a consultant to help people set their goals and sort out a budget for them. How much would someone pay for that? I know that I have charged $60 an hour minimum for this and now you can to.


Ok I Can Hear Some Objections (Or Is That An Excuse!)…


1) I don´t know anything about goal setting – my software will do it for you


2) Budgets – I hate maths and can´t add – hey no problem guess what? Yup my software does that for you too!


3) I don´t want to sit down with people – that´s ok you can do this over the phone, or simply sell the software as a “self service” product


4) I don´t know how to create ads or flyers – I have that covered to


5) I don´t know where to find clients – I am going to show you how to do that too


Listen you may have a ton of other excuses, but you know what? In reality the excuses we make are just the fears we have. I know you fear a few things, heck so do I, but I promise you that this software is simple to use and there´s a huge demand for the service.


Remember you can make excuses as much as you want, however excuses never made money. Only people like you who are go getters



How Hard Is It To Use The Software?


Not hard at all in fact I give you all the instructions you need to successfully use this software over the phone or face to face with a client.


There´s zero learning curve, no need to hire scientists in white coats to help you run the software.


Heck when you see how easy it is even your kids will be able to set up their own consultancy business – teach them how to use the software so they can set themselves up for a brighter future


Watch the video below to see how easy the software is to use.





All you need to do is invest in the software.


Play around with it and then either sell it to clients to create their own budgets and life visions (not a bad way to make some decent money) or you can add value to it by offering consulting services.


Mr Client comes to you (or you go to them). You have your laptop at the ready, ask them a number of questions, input it into the software, press a few buttons and out pops a document that will help change their life.


Of course this software is not some magic potion. If you don´t use it you won´t make money. If your clients simply take the life vision or budget document and don´t do anything it won´t change their life either.


This is about being pro-active. I don´t need to tell you how profitable this will be. I would nearly say that between now and February you would be run off your feet with business. However once you have used this software once you will see just home simple it is to use.


Heck you´ll be able to do this with your eyes closed (nearly).


Let´s recap on what you are getting:


Life Vision software – walks you or your client through the whole process of creating goals. You ask the client the questions, give them some time to answer, and then input your answers and the software will then generate your life vision plan.


Budget Generator – finally get a handle on your finances and see on paper where you are falling down. Again answer some basic questions and the software will show you where your spending is coming from and where your income is going


You get all of this for only … well you know how it goes I was going to charge, blah, blah, blah. Truth is this software has the potential to help you create a long lasting business (people always need budgets, and goal setting) but I know times are tough so I wanted to make sure everyone could profit from this.


I´m going let the first 45 copies of this software go for only $10, after that I reserve the right to increase the price.


With your copy you can:


· {C}{C}{C}Give it away


· {C}{C}{C}Sell it


· {C}{C}{C}Use it to start your own consulting business


The obvious question now is are you proactive or reactive?
#copy #review #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Micah Medina
    It's terrible. Scrap it altogether and hire a professional.

    If you want me to be more specific, okay.

    "It´s nearly the new year, a time when people start to think about the year ahead and think about all the things they should have achieved but did not, all the dreams they dreamed but never made into reality……."
    It's "Nearly " the New Year... so... it's not. Why are you wasting words on this?

    Who are these people? Are they me? Why do I care about them?

    Dreams they dreamed. I'm heading to ******* dreamland and we're in paragraph one, duder.

    "Not everyone is like you and knows that there are ways to generate some extra cash when they need it."
    Grammatical trainwreck.

    "Although you and I both know that there is money to be made online, a lot of people are too afraid, to riddled with self doubt, to anxious and disbelievers to ever consider working for themselves. They just don´t know where to start."
    Who says I know there's money to be made online. I'm a member of WarriorForum, odds are decent I haven't made a buck yet.

    But okay, let's assume you're talking to someone more experienced. Then why sell to to those people?

    "Let´s Face Facts


    We´re facing a tough economy:"
    You're losing me, dude. I ******* knooooow the economy is tough and for some reason every piece of copy written in the last 15 years points this out. Filler text at a time you can't afford any of it.

    This is your readership right now:
    The New Year is a New Opportunity for you With to help people while building your own successful business.
    You haven't even told me what this thing is.

    It´s Not All About You, Here´s A bit About Me!


    I know copyrighters say it´s all about you the reader, but I think at this point it is important that you know where I am coming from and how I can help.
    I don't care about copywriters.

    You haven't even told me what I need help with, really. And you can barely spell or form a sentence correctly so trust me I haven't formed a deep psychic bond with you, and I'm not desperate to know more about you.

    ranging from factory workers write up to high level management who have lost their job. Guess what I found? The large majority of people have no idea how to create goals.
    No. Seriously.


    So let´s get down to it, what´s this WSO all about?
    /deep breath, starts to perk up again...

    This is something I was using myself to generate $60 an hour pay checks or more
    Fails the smell test.

    – in the right hands (which I believe are yours, this software will change lives).
    You're being too presumptuous. You haven't shown that you know me. You haven't targeted me. Am I a life coach? Are you trying to convince me to be one?

    Ok I Can Hear Some Objections (Or Is That An Excuse!)…
    No. You don't even know where a comma goes in a sentence and you're belittling me for being skeptical about this software you just introduced to me two seconds ago after boring me 5 quarters to death - you're coming off like a stinky aggressive panhandler.

    And psychologically... you've been ingratiating yourself with all this phony oh I love people like you and me who know about money and know you're attacking me with this don't make excuses give me your money shit.

    This sucks.

    I'm not saying it out of meanness, but this copy is more likely to annoy and upset a reader than make them buy from you.

    First of all, you need to target who is supposed to buy this product and the skill sets they already have.

    Two, you need to build yourself up as a person that can help, not talk about the Solstice or whatever.

    Three, you need basic grammar and punctuation. I'm not saying you have to be perfect but if you bury the reader in errors you turn them off. Your successful coaching business thing isn't working because your written voice conveys zero authority.

    Four, you need to address the actual problems I have and explain how these two kind of unrelated pieces of software help.

    And about ten other things, but start there. Or here:

    http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...-critique.html
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  • Profile picture of the author thesuccesscoach
    ha ha thanks for the somewhat useful feedback, it's an interesting persepective

    I will take on board what you said and see what i can do

    PS you've got a few spelling mistakes above too !!

    Take it easy

    Richard
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    A life and business coach
    Ready to help you make it happen, just ask!

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  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    Hi Richard,

    You might want to check out this post, rework your copy and repost this request:

    http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...-critique.html

    You'll get much more useful feedback if the copy is further developed than it is now. There's a lot too much missing from this and some of it is really basic. The experienced copywriters don't usually take the time to repeat themselves by pointing out bare basic mistakes in new copywriter's work.

    For us, it's like seeing a rock with few chunks taken out of it and asking what we think of the statue you're carving. Gets to the point where we're not giving feedback but we're practically writing the copy for you, which is fine if you're hiring one of us, but not if you're asking for free critique.

    I'm in this niche so feel free to PM me once you've reworked it according to what's on that list.

    -Best,
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  • Profile picture of the author BrainCopy
    Micah Medina took the words right out of my mouth.

    There's a load of information here on the forum that can
    help you out with your copy including the checklist mentioned by sethczerepak.

    Here's a free template that you should download and use.

    It's basic but it'll help you out greatly. This is the same template that Rachel Rofe uses for her copy.

    Copywriting Template - e1kad.com
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