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What do you think of this copy?

by 0oo0
16 replies
I'm looking for positioning on a product like this, and was curious what you thought of this copy.

ps, it's not mine.

How To Get A Job In 30 Days
#copy
  • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
    I like the general gist of the copy. It's conversational.

    You just need to brush and tighten it up a bit.

    And maybe change the perspective a little...

    E.g. "I thought this was great."

    Change that around to how your client felt. More about them than you.
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  • Profile picture of the author cjp214
    It's not the worst I've seen, but I would definitely make a few changes.

    Let's start with the headline: "100% of Everyone Who Learned This Secret Got a Job Within 30 Days..."

    Huh? 100% of everyone? Isn't "everyone" already 100%? It's confusing, and for it supposedly being the strongest part of the copy (the headline), it really isn't that great. I think the way the language is worded makes it lose a ton of prospects right away.

    As for the body of the copy, the paragraphs are too long. I would definitely trim them down, emphasize words when appropriate, and separate them into shorter, more appealing (visually) paragraphs.

    Just my .02,

    Corey
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    • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
      You're not asking about the copy but the positioning, correct?

      It certainly meets the definition of an irresistible offer. What reasonable person looking for work wouldn't pay $47 to get a job in their chosen field within 30 days... guaranteed?

      Alex
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      • Profile picture of the author Jeremey
        I may be in the minority here, but I can't make heads nor tails of the offer or the copy...I just don't get it?

        The offer is to get unemployed people to hand over $47 for a PDF on how to write articles. Companies will then be eager to hire them because they've written an article or top ten list...and as a bonus the unemployed person gets a report on SEO...

        I can't for the life of me wrap my head around this one...you guys must be seeing something I'm missing here.
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        • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
          Originally Posted by Jeremey View Post

          I may be in the minority here, but I can't make heads nor tails of the offer or the copy...I just don't get it?

          The offer is to get unemployed people to hand over $47 for a PDF on how to write articles. Companies will then be eager to hire them because they've written an article or top ten list...and as a bonus the unemployed person gets a report on SEO...

          I can't for the life of me wrap my head around this one...you guys must be seeing something I'm missing here.
          You have a point.

          What he's doing - and I'm not sure it would work unless they really market themselves - is to teach who people how to write.

          What he's saying is that if they can write about their specialty, they can build credibility.

          It's a long way around, but in today's job market, they may be people who are willing to try such a strategy.

          That's what I understood, anyway.
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          • Profile picture of the author Jeremey
            Originally Posted by Rezbi View Post

            You have a point.

            What he's doing - and I'm not sure it would work unless they really market themselves - is to teach who people how to write.

            What he's saying is that if they can write about their specialty, they can build credibility.

            It's a long way around, but in today's job market, they may be people who are willing to try such a strategy.

            That's what I understood, anyway.
            Two major hurdles as I see it:

            Jobless people with $47 want to pay their water bill, not learn how to write top ten lists...

            Zero credibility in the copy.
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  • Profile picture of the author verial
    Honestly, I stopped reading at the first line.

    "100% of Everyone..."

    What.

    Not to be unproductive, but what does this even mean? Could you relate your headline to readers in a logical or at least practical way? Who talks like that?

    And what's the point of this headline? Are you trying to make readers feel like they are missing out on something? Couldn't you start with some testimonials then?
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    • Profile picture of the author cjp214
      Originally Posted by verial View Post

      Honestly, I stopped reading at the first line.

      "100% of Everyone..."

      What.

      Not to be unproductive, but what does this even mean? Could you relate your headline to readers in a logical or at least practical way? Who talks like that?

      And what's the point of this headline? Are you trying to make readers feel like they are missing out on something? Couldn't you start with some testimonials then?
      Yeah, this was my point exactly! I didn't even understand what that string of words meant. Turning off prospects with the first 3 words of your headline is bad news. Another thing: I don't believe the headline, either. A 100% success rate...hmm.

      Headlines don't necessarily have to be logical. But they do need to make sense. They need to sound like people talk.

      Best,

      Corey
      Signature
      ...............................Do Your Ads Turn Your Prospects Off?
      I Play with Words that Grab Prospects by the Collar and Make Websites Sell

      ………See How Here (Keyboard Jockeys and Wannabes Need Not Apply)
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    • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
      Originally Posted by verial View Post

      Honestly, I stopped reading at the first line.

      "100% of Everyone..."
      lol, glad I'm not the only one who was turned off by that.
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    I think I get it, I also struggled to, so obviously the copy does need an overhaul.

    It teaches people to write a relevant article or article(s) instead of using a resume to find a job. Then, since many people can't write well, it teaches them to do the article in "top ten things" style so they can more easily write something smashing about their accomplishments and/or industry experience and credentials, or what they can do for a company.

    So, because it is an article and not a resume, it will stand out from the 8017 other resumes for the same job.

    And it will give the potential employer a chance to see HOW this person can add value to their organization. Perhaps in a manner superior to a resume.

    I think it's a great idea in todays' competitive market - as long the training goes into more detail than has been explained in this thread.

    Positioning, sure. As Alex said, who would not want to get a job or consulting gig
    in 30 days or less.

    And, I do remember Nightingale's work on this. Someone fresh out of college landed a job as VP of a company because he could write well, and did write about what all he could do for the company that ended up hiring him.

    At $47 because it includes the review by the seller as a bonus, I guess is OK. $17 otherwise. A bit difficult for the seller to do an affiliate program if he gets swamped with review requests?

    I don't get the connection between the offer and the SEO bonus. Maybe article syndication instead?
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  • Profile picture of the author schttrj
    Originally Posted by 0oo0 View Post

    I'm looking for positioning on a product like this, and was curious what you thought of this copy.

    ps, it's not mine.

    How To Get A Job In 30 Days
    To be honest, it's really not good.

    Headline, subhead, lead - everything needs to be tweaked to sync well together!

    Here's a few notes about your copy: Is This Sales Copy Good Enough? | Ron's Copy-e-Writing Blog

    Others please don't mind that I turned this into a blog post. I thought it might be good to learn for my blog readers as well.
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    • Profile picture of the author 0oo0
      Originally Posted by schttrj View Post

      To be honest, it's really not good.

      Headline, subhead, lead - everything needs to be tweaked to sync well together!

      Here's a few notes about your copy: Is This Sales Copy Good Enough? | Ron's Copy-e-Writing Blog

      Others please don't mind that I turned this into a blog post. I thought it might be good to learn for my blog readers as well.
      Like said in my original post THIS IS NOT MY COPY...

      I'm looking for a quality swipe for a product like this.
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      • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
        Originally Posted by 0oo0 View Post

        Like said in my original post THIS IS NOT MY COPY...

        I'm looking for a quality swipe for a product like this.
        Don't try to be apologetic about your copy.

        It may not be world class, but when I think back to my own situation some time back, I would have bought this.

        The worst critics seem to be copywriters who should know better. You have to be the market. Or, at the very least, be able to put yourself in their frame of mind.

        Like I said in the first comment, it needs to be tweaked and tightened. But I still like the tone of the copy.

        Even if you decided to change the information within it, don't change the tone.
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      • Profile picture of the author Pusateri
        Originally Posted by 0oo0 View Post

        Like said in my original post THIS IS NOT MY COPY...

        I'm looking for a quality swipe for a product like this.
        You WANT a swipe.

        You NEED a hook.

        One that gets unemployed people dreaming and longing for that dream. Then it's the copy's job to make them believe you can deliver it.

        Can't swipe a hook. You either craft your own or pay a pro.
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    • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
      Originally Posted by schttrj View Post

      To be honest, it's really not good.

      Headline, subhead, lead - everything needs to be tweaked to sync well together!

      Here's a few notes about your copy: Is This Sales Copy Good Enough? | Ron's Copy-e-Writing Blog

      Others please don't mind that I turned this into a blog post. I thought it might be good to learn for my blog readers as well.
      Oh, please.

      You're criticising someone else's copy. Have you thought about your own?

      First sentence from your blog post...

      After a long time, eh?
      What on earth is that supposed to mean?

      And I'd be ashamed to put up something like this:

      I am Ron C., a web copywriter cum blogger for the OVER HALF A DECADE! If it is somewhat related to the web and involves marketing, rest assured on the fact that I might already have tried it.
      I won't even bother with any more than that.
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  • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
    If you're not in the marketing you won't like it. Full stop.

    “100% of Everyone Who Learned This Secret Got a Job Within 30 Days…”

    Maybe that doesn't sound logical. But who said copywriting has to be logical?
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